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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family saying no to cancelling Christmas

73 replies

1womanarmy · 19/12/2020 19:23

I know this is thread 100 about the new restrictions, but I'm really not sure what to do. We were supposed to visit DH's family (parents and BIL, SIL) from Christmas Eve until the 27th.

Now that new restrictions have been announced nobody wants to cancel, including DH. If I stay home I'll be all alone, and I'll be the miserable Grinch who wants to ruin the holidays.

Even if I stay home, DH will still "bring back" whatever from whomever he has mixed with, so staying home to prove a point also doesn't seem worth it.

I have no family of my own and I'm feeling a lot of pressure. What do I do? We're all in the same county in England. I don't think I can convince DH to stay here.

OP posts:
bettxmascake · 19/12/2020 20:55

@CherryPavlova

Part of the trouble is our Prime Minister will undoubtedly leave Downing Street which is tier 4. I believe he has already done so. He will travel to another tier 4 area to stay at Chequers; I am guessing he won’t be alone there either.

It’s hard, but I suspect a harder restriction will be announced on 22nd for more areas.

How is it part of the trouble if he does that before tomorrow morning ? We had to do an unexpected journey on the night before lockdown in March to empty my DC's university room and bring her home as we knew she wouldn't be able to go back.
tilder · 19/12/2020 20:56

@TragedyHands

We are tier 3 and no way are we changing anything, all mixing with 7 other households between xmas eve and boxing day. Then one other household on the 27th. Do your own risk assessment, sometimes you have to do what's right for your family.

We have had a close bereavement and have gained caring responsibilities over xmas, it can't be helped.

Of course it can be helped. Am sorry for your bereavement, but you still have choices. Including whether or not to flout the rules.
BettyBizzghetti · 19/12/2020 20:56

@Hazelnutlatteplease

Tell him he can move out permenantly if he's not willing to put your welfare (and the law) above his immediate needs.

It would finish it for me.

It would finish it for me if I were in a relationship with someone who slavishly followed the law arbitrary rules.

OP, nothing has changed other than the "rules". If you thought it was ok to see these same people from Christmas Eve until 27th, what has actually happened today to make you think differently? If it was ok four hours ago, it's still ok now.

edwinbear · 19/12/2020 20:56

Just go. I’ve just read that even in T4, outdoor organised sport for U18’s is permitted. So London based, secondary school aged DS is going to rugby training tomorrow and rugby camp on Monday and Tuesday. With many other, London based children from other secondary schools. It’s madness.

DrCoconut · 19/12/2020 20:57

I agree with cherrypavlova that we possibly haven't heard the final restrictions yet.

helpfulperson · 19/12/2020 20:59

If you’re all staying in the same house then I don’t see what difference it makes in terms of infection control if you go for 1 day or 4 days. If someone in that house has COVID you’re surely all going to get it either way.

This is why it is spreading. It makes a huge difference. In simplistic terms the less time you spend in someone's presence the more chance of transmittion taking place. So over 4 days you are roughly 4 times more likely (although there are a range of factors) also on day one you distance, you follow the rules. One day 4 after a few drinks you probably sit closer, don't open the window, share spoons etc.

People are still thinking of this on a personal level but public health depends on measures being taken on a bigger level. It might be ok if you dont follow the rules and your neighbours dont. But what if moone does?

helpfulperson · 19/12/2020 21:00

Argh.... I don't know why the first paragraph didn't work as quote

inquietant · 19/12/2020 21:03

@helpfulperson

If you’re all staying in the same house then I don’t see what difference it makes in terms of infection control if you go for 1 day or 4 days. If someone in that house has COVID you’re surely all going to get it either way.

This is why it is spreading. It makes a huge difference. In simplistic terms the less time you spend in someone's presence the more chance of transmittion taking place. So over 4 days you are roughly 4 times more likely (although there are a range of factors) also on day one you distance, you follow the rules. One day 4 after a few drinks you probably sit closer, don't open the window, share spoons etc.

People are still thinking of this on a personal level but public health depends on measures being taken on a bigger level. It might be ok if you dont follow the rules and your neighbours dont. But what if moone does?

If you don't see the difference, you need to read up on this, because your post is scientifically wrong.

Your post suggests you simply don't understand the virus, how viruses develop and are transmitted.

People who have little scientific understanding would be best to listen to official advice.

Pinkfreesias · 19/12/2020 21:04

It's worrying that your husband has made a unilateral decision, seemingly ignoring your very real concerns. I hope, when he's hd some time to think about it, he's more open to hearing what you have to say.

Going for Xmas Day only still makes him luckier than huge parts of the population and he needs to realise that. My family are all in England but I live in Scotland and we're banned from travelling over the border.

Madcats · 19/12/2020 21:04

I've had a couple of solo Christmases. Paint a room/sing-along to a musical of your choice.... Admittedly one of these times I'd not appreciated the train timetable when I ventured down to my parents (empty) house to swap presents whist they were away....

Treat yourself to some food YOU would enjoy.

In years to come I fear that people will judge each other . Good luck OP

It's not perfect, but it's just one of 365 days.

inquietant · 19/12/2020 21:05

Sorry @helpfulperson, I think I responded to you responding to someone else? I'm getting a bit Confused Shock at different threads tonight. Maybe time for me to switch off from covid!

hf2345 · 19/12/2020 21:10

I’d do don’t feel bad about it either. Don’t be controlled

hf2345 · 19/12/2020 21:10

Go*

TibetanTerrier · 19/12/2020 21:12

@Hotpinkangel19

From what I've read on here, hardly anyone is cancelling Christmas.
Thankfully the people on MN are in no way representative of the whole country. MNers are a breed unto themselves.
DownstairsMixUp · 19/12/2020 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 19/12/2020 21:18

It would finish it for me if I were in a relationship with someone who slavishly followed the law arbitrary rules.

Covid doesnt care if its Christmas or not. The NHS will be under horrendous strain if most of the country doesnt follow "abitary" rules.

How wonderful it must be feel to be such a free thinking free spirit.

Sadly it probably won't be people like you who will suffer. If DS gets Covid and the hospital are overloaded, nice guidelines mean he can be "de-prioritised" care.

Which is a nice way of saying he won't be treated.

Just think about that for a moment. If you and DS were hospitalised at the same time and there was only one ventilator, you would get it. Despite the fact that he hasn't seen anyone outside our support bubble since March and we had already planned a super small Christmas.

So Im damn well hoping theres enough slavishly arbitrary rule followers to leave the NHS with spare beds.

You must be so proud of your determination not to slavishly follow arbitary rules

NailsNeedDoing · 19/12/2020 21:27

If you haven’t even been put in tier 4, I’d agree with your DH tbh.

Astrabees · 19/12/2020 21:34

I have no intention of complying. After the most terrible year I have one Christmas visitor here already and have invited DS2 to bring friends if they can't be with their loved ones as stranded in Tier 4. I can't cope with the loss of everything that makes life worth living and that is that. Not going to assist Boris in playing political games.

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 19/12/2020 21:37

i havnt complained about anything the past month about restrictions. even when DH has come out with some fantastically stupid ideas, ive nodded and said how good they sound.

23rd im developing a cough and we wont be going anywhere.

Iwonder08 · 19/12/2020 21:55

OP, it is extremely likely your relationship with your family will never completely recover from your attitude if you decide to stay home alone. Much higher chance than dying of covid.

C0NNIE · 19/12/2020 21:57

@Iwonder08

OP, it is extremely likely your relationship with your family will never completely recover from your attitude if you decide to stay home alone. Much higher chance than dying of covid.
Why is obeying the law, keeping self and others safe and protecting the NHS having “ an attitude “?
DonkeyMcFluff · 19/12/2020 21:57

Stay home and report them if they insist on breaking the rules.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 19/12/2020 22:42

OP, it is extremely likely your relationship with your family will never completely recover from your attitude if you decide to stay home alone.

I'm not sure I'd want the approbation of people who willing put peoples lives at risk

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