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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be seething my husband is going to Xmas dinner with four households?

89 replies

nevereverplease · 19/12/2020 19:08

My husband has agreed to go to his parents (didn't ask me what I was planning just decided without me).

I'm seething also because there's four households there and the group is aged 60-85 years old (except DH who is late 30s). He said he's going because he doesn't want to 'let them down'!??

I'm very angry, that I've been put in this position where I basically follow along with this crap or stay home alone.

People should just grow up and accept the fact this year Christmas won't be the same. I honestly don't understand why this is such an issue for my husband and people in general to understand.

We are lucky to have our health, lives so just forget about Christmas for one year.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Nohomemadecandles · 19/12/2020 19:59

It said two OTHER households. The number hasn't changed in England

GCITC · 19/12/2020 19:59

It's still three households/bubbles in England.

foreverandalways · 19/12/2020 20:00

Are they actually for REAL! 😡. Myself and my husband are both still recovering from this virus and I am still in my early 40's....it has completely floored us to say the very least...please tell him not to be so irresponsible and stay at home with you....

scatterolight · 19/12/2020 20:01

By next year we'll all be in gulags at this rate. It is so depressing how easily people have given up their rights and way of life for this bullshit. Everyone seems desperate to virtue signal their rabid obedience to every new arbitrary rule in the name of "saving the NHS". Good on your husband for simply living a normal life and seeing his elderly relatives who probably don't have many Christmases left.

CorianderQueen · 19/12/2020 20:01

Wow wtf. No. How nasty of him to not even think of you.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 20:02

Thats not how it works. You can't split up one household so you can both go and see 2 different households. Its 3 total.
Maybe he decided to go because he knew you would say no. He's a grown man, he shouldn't really need to ask permission to see his family when its not breaking any rules, and you weren't planning on seeing yours anyway.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 20:04

@foreverandalways

Are they actually for REAL! 😡. Myself and my husband are both still recovering from this virus and I am still in my early 40's....it has completely floored us to say the very least...please tell him not to be so irresponsible and stay at home with you....
Why, he's not doing anything wrong Confused
Elsiebear90 · 19/12/2020 20:06

He’s not breaking any rules, maybe he knew you’d say no so he told you he’s going. He doesn’t need anyone’s permission to see his family at Xmas.

Original poster
nevereverplease · 19/12/2020 20:07

@Elsiebear90 but now that means I couldn't see mine even if I wanted to - couldn't he have said if you don't make a decision by x then I'll be doing this

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 19/12/2020 20:07

@Gson that is tough and I would be really annoyed with him in your position. Does he get why you're upset?

GabsAlot · 19/12/2020 20:08

are two households in a bubble-yes technically hes not breaking any rules but to just announce its happening is rude

my husband hasnt seen his df all year i think your husband would cope for one day

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 20:11

[quote nevereverplease]@Elsiebear90 but now that means I couldn't see mine even if I wanted to - couldn't he have said if you don't make a decision by x then I'll be doing this [/quote]
But then why should your family trump his? Why is the end decision to be yours?

LeSangeEstDansLarbre · 19/12/2020 20:11

@Elsiebear90

He’s not breaking any rules, maybe he knew you’d say no so he told you he’s going. He doesn’t need anyone’s permission to see his family at Xmas.
This year he does, actually, or at least a mutual agreement with all the other households involved. We were told we could form bubbles of three households for Christmas. That’s in total, not each person in the family. So he would have had to agree with his own family, you, and your family, which three among you all would form a bubble. If his family see him and each other, then that’s it - none of them can see anyone else, and you can’t meet another household either. So it absolutely does need discussion and agreement from other people.
Redrunbluerun · 19/12/2020 20:11

YANBU.
When someone needs a ventilator can these people sign a waiver to state it won’t be them?

Original poster
nevereverplease · 19/12/2020 20:12

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion why should his trump mine?!! That's what's happened here so the solution might have been neither of us go anywhere

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 20:12

[quote nevereverplease]@Iminaglasscaseofemotion why should his trump mine?!! That's what's happened here so the solution might have been neither of us go anywhere [/quote]
Well from the sounds of things you wouldn't make a decision, or already had and that was to not see yours.

DrSeuss · 19/12/2020 20:14

A colleague is driving for two hours to see his elderly parents through a window then be passed a plate of dinner which he will eat in the garden no matter what the weather. Then he will drive two hours home. I think he is a wonderful son and his parents should be very proud.

Your husband, however, is an idiot! I would also refuse to go. I wouldn't want the possible consequences on my conscience.

SadlyMe · 19/12/2020 20:17

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

Kinda frustrating really don't his fam realise the rest of the country are going through this shit to protect THEM?

Does he always do what they say so he doesn't 'let them down'? Giving them covid for Christmas will be a massive let down

No the rest of the Country are not doing this to protect the elderly and the vulnerable - they are doing it to protect the NHS from being overwhelmed by those most likely to need an intensive care bed. Boris and co don't give a fuck for those of us who need to shield, he just cares that we don't get in the way.

And as for the rest of the Country going through shit to protect "them" - thank your lucky stars that those of us who are clinically extremely vulnerable due to age or pre-existing conditions have been prepared to stay home for months on end to protect the NHS for YOU....because THAT has been REALLY SHIT!

Sometimeswinning · 19/12/2020 20:18

Yanbu. I'm having an xmas with my family. If my dh said no and he wasnt joining us I'd be gutted. But if he tried to stop me! Whole different issue. Luckily we are both on the page/wavelength

Gson · 19/12/2020 20:40

@nevereverplease not particularly, he just seems to brush it all off as nonsense. He phoned me earlier and I could hear his family in the background having fun with music playing and singing (at his 80 yo grandmother’s house Angry) Really hurt my feelings and made me sooooo cross.

Apologies for making the reply to the OP about me, clearly had to get that off my chest!

OP, hope you are ok. Agree with you wholeheartedly that people just need to suck it up for one year.

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2020 20:42

@scatterolight

By next year we'll all be in gulags at this rate. It is so depressing how easily people have given up their rights and way of life for this bullshit. Everyone seems desperate to virtue signal their rabid obedience to every new arbitrary rule in the name of "saving the NHS". Good on your husband for simply living a normal life and seeing his elderly relatives who probably don't have many Christmases left.
Define 'bullshit'
Original poster
nevereverplease · 19/12/2020 20:49

@Gson thank you and sorry to hear you're in similar position too x

OP posts:
FPS123 · 19/12/2020 21:04

I hear you OP. Regardless of the intricacies and loopholes, he made a unilateral decision on a family celebration, and now you have to either suck it up or be seen as the bad guy.
I’d be fuming too. The two of you are supposed to be a team.

Original poster
nevereverplease · 19/12/2020 21:13

@FPS123 you hit the nail on the head. That's exactly how I feel

OP posts:
InescapableDeath · 19/12/2020 21:16

The bubbles have to be a closed loop so if he is seeing two other bubbles that’s it. You can’t see anyone else. They can’t see anyone else!

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