Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I’m ruining Christmas.

92 replies

PunkAssMoFo · 19/12/2020 16:41

Original plan was Christmas Day at home as I am working in the evening. We were intending on visiting my parents on Boxing Day & ils on 27th. I was a bit worried about this and the risk of exposing my parents, but obviously desperate to see them.

Given Boris’ announcement that’s off. DH has proposed we visit my parents in the morning (2hrs away), his family in the afternoon (2hrs from my parents) & then home (1hour) for me to go to work. I have said no. It’s too much travelling on Christmas Day. I will be too tired to work. Given the increased spread of the virus, it is putting everyone at greater risk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 19/12/2020 19:12

Well done OP, you've made the right decision. It sucks to be the bad guy but they'll be thanking you in the end when they see the results of people flouting over Christmas.

sparklefarts · 19/12/2020 19:24

He wants to make young kids sit in a car all day instead of letting them play with their new toys?

Wife2b · 19/12/2020 19:29

Hmm I think if I were in your shoes I’d make it work for the sake of it being Christmas Day. You’d be knackered on the night shift but it’s only one day. Could your husband drive and you sleep on the journeys? Would there be enough time for a power nap when you got in before going to work? If not, could you set off earlier in the morning so you could have an hour or two sleep pick me up before your night shift? I understand those saying they wouldn’t want their kids in the car for so long on Christmas Day, it’s only one day and they can do ‘Christmas Day’ any other day in terms of playing with their toys etc at home but Christmas Day is the only day they could see Grandparents. Motorways are usually quiet on Christmas Day so the journey won’t feel too unpleasant.

Failing that, could they all come to you for Christmas lunch and then you have a nap before your shift later in the day? For the sake of one day being able to see family, I’d compromise tbh. I’ve done plenty of night shifts and know how rubbish they can be but it’s only one shift and seeing family is obviously important to your husband, it’s neither of your fault that your Boxing Day plans have been cancelled but only you are able to tweak your day to accommodate the new rules.

HighSpecWhistle · 19/12/2020 19:29

The rules are 2 households, not three. So still not allowed unfortunately.

SugarCoatIt · 19/12/2020 19:31

YANBU OP.

Also got to question what everyone else will get out of these flying visits.

Bitcherama · 19/12/2020 19:35

You can't manage 5 hours' drive? I don't understand this at all. It sounds busy but hardly tiring.

Beetlebum1981 · 19/12/2020 19:37

I thought it was a crap idea to start with given that you have to work in the evening however now you've said that you have kids it's an even crappier idea! You can't expect young children to spend Christmas Day in the car, it's just not fair.
I understand that the situation is crap this year however everyone has to make sacrifices- it's one Christmas. If your DP is that desperate then he can tootle off to his parents on his own for a couple of hours & FaceTime grandparents when he gets there.

Spottysausagedogs · 19/12/2020 19:41

YANBU. That sounds like the opposite of Christmas day relaxation! We are 2 hours away from my ils and we've already said we're not prepared to a) do the travelling or b) put everyone at risk. The new strain is so much more transmissible, there's just no point. That's not an enjoyable Christmas for you anyway. They'd all be unreasonable to suggest you do that and I'd be surprised at their all-round selfishness if not one person told you you should give yourself a break.

EvonneGoolagong · 19/12/2020 19:43

Stay at home. There will be other times to see your families but now is not one of them.

Marnie76 · 19/12/2020 19:53

@Bitcherama

You can't manage 5 hours' drive? I don't understand this at all. It sounds busy but hardly tiring.
On Christmas Day, with two excited and probably bored children, before then going to work. You honestly don’t see anything wrong with that!
Marnie76 · 19/12/2020 19:54

Plus you’re meant to stay local

AcornAutumn · 19/12/2020 19:56

@Bitcherama

You can't manage 5 hours' drive? I don't understand this at all. It sounds busy but hardly tiring.
Before going to work?!
Plonque · 19/12/2020 20:37

@Bitcherama

You can't manage 5 hours' drive? I don't understand this at all. It sounds busy but hardly tiring.

Lol!

mbosnz · 19/12/2020 21:01

Sorry, five hours driving is knackering, whether you're the driver or the passenger. And that's without kids. And no, I would not be facing that with equanamity, having to face a full shift after doing all the duty travelling and socialising.

Original poster
PunkAssMoFo · 19/12/2020 21:19

DH has piped down now because he knows that I am right. No doubt mil will pipe up soon though.

For those saying go for the sake of Christmas and it being just one day, I despair. I’m not going, in the hope that we can still have the chance of many Christmas’. Of course everyone wants to see each other at Christmas, but we all should be making sacrifices so that we’re through this sooner.

OP posts:
BlueCheckedTeatowel · 19/12/2020 21:34

christmas is about the kids. 5hrs in a car isnt worth it. you can celebrate fake christmas with them after covid

Zerrin13 · 19/12/2020 21:45

I wouldn't even entertain this. Stay at home and enjoy the day with your children.

daisychain01 · 19/12/2020 21:52

@PunkAssMoFo

I have told him that we’re not doing it, but i know his family will put him under pressure- especially because technically it’s allowed.
Really, is he that spineless he can't tell his folks, no, no and the answer is still no!

The ramp up in the restrictions must highlight to them how serious this has become.

And as pp have said it's a ridiculous and exhausting amount to travelling

Cleverpolly3 · 20/12/2020 00:16

@PunkAssMoFo

I have told him that we’re not doing it, but i know his family will put him under pressure- especially because technically it’s allowed.
They sound like arseholes
Cleverpolly3 · 20/12/2020 00:16

@Zerrin13

I wouldn't even entertain this. Stay at home and enjoy the day with your children.
Exactly this
timeforanewstart · 20/12/2020 01:22

Too much driving and advice was to stay local

Twiddlet · 20/12/2020 08:59

He’s being selfish, both in terms of the virus and also your work.

Pumpkinpie1 · 20/12/2020 09:42

You and your children are your husbands i mmediate family, has he forgotten that ?
Yes it’s lovely to see parents but life happens and we can’t always do what we want.
This is no big announcement shock
It was inevitable Christmas would be different this year
But that’s not always a bad thing.
There’s phone, zoom , what’s app loads of ways to still be in touch
So tell your manchild he needs to grow up
Merry Christmas

Nowaynothappening · 20/12/2020 10:11

He should go see his parents while you’re at work in the evening if it’s so important to him. His plan is bonkers.

CecilyP · 20/12/2020 10:36

You are so not being unreasonable! You are the one that has to work (which is a bit of a downer on Christmas Day anyway). As you have your own family, and both sets of parents have each other, I would just stay at home and have the Christmas you originally planned. That way less stress and no one put at risk.