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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I’m ruining Christmas.

92 replies

PunkAssMoFo · 19/12/2020 16:41

Original plan was Christmas Day at home as I am working in the evening. We were intending on visiting my parents on Boxing Day & ils on 27th. I was a bit worried about this and the risk of exposing my parents, but obviously desperate to see them.

Given Boris’ announcement that’s off. DH has proposed we visit my parents in the morning (2hrs away), his family in the afternoon (2hrs from my parents) & then home (1hour) for me to go to work. I have said no. It’s too much travelling on Christmas Day. I will be too tired to work. Given the increased spread of the virus, it is putting everyone at greater risk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 17:22

Stay at home during the day and DH can go and visit his parents in the early afternoon/late evening while you work?

Love51 · 19/12/2020 17:23

Everyone to yours makes sense.
People often say about Xmas that's it is one day, this year it is true. Can your parents get to you? His could pay for a taxi (1 hour each way). You have one day this month to see your families indoors, I don't blame him for wanting to do that. It's the 'how' that requires thought!

NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 17:23

YANBU of course that amount of travelling sounds miserable on any day of the year let alone Xmas day when you have to work at the end of it!

Scottishskifun · 19/12/2020 17:27

I would just say we will wait for things to calm down and have another Christmas day in March!

Fairyliz · 19/12/2020 17:29

No he’s being ridiculous. No one wants to do that much travelling on Christmas Day irrespective of Covid.
It’s really unfair on small children, or even older ones to spend all day in a car. Can’t parents and in-laws come to you if they are that desperate to see you?

StatisticalSense · 19/12/2020 17:29

As long as you are saying that you shouldn't be visiting either set of parents YANBU. If you are wanting to maintain the visit to your side but not his YABU.

altiara · 19/12/2020 17:32

It’s not really ‘stay local’ is it?
And the kids won’t want to be stuck in the car for hours on Christmas Day!

toocold54 · 19/12/2020 17:35

I never travel to see family on Xmas day.
I save all the travelling for Xmas eve or Boxing Day and save Xmas day for just me and the DCs to relax and watch Xmas films and play with their new toys.

Surely what he’s proposing wouldn’t be fun for anyone!

Original poster
PunkAssMoFo · 19/12/2020 17:37

We would normally have everyone to ours. DPs are not able to get here on their own. They have been shielding. ILs have not been following any rules & would put my DPs at greater risk (which is why we were going there first.) plus they will be hugging & kissing with no regard. I am saying that they will just have to wait. It’s sad, but it’s what is safest for everyone. We are all enduring this hardship & for good reason. I would love to see my parents, but I won’t because of the increasing risk it would pose them.

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 19/12/2020 17:46

If your children are really young that would be an absolutely shitty Christmas Day for them :( How selfish of your DH! - it would be for his benefit and his parents' benefit at his kids' expense. Poor things.

Plus putting them at more risk and giving you an exhausting day too.

Really selfish. No way.

TheRubyRedshoes · 19/12/2020 17:48

Utterly ridiculous to spend Xmas day travelling for hundreds and miles and.. You're working in the evening Shock and could be spreading the virus, criss crossing the UK! What nonsense!

Hope you get a relaxing Xmas op.

Ravenesque · 19/12/2020 17:51

Your husband is being a twat.

MerylStreet · 19/12/2020 17:52

Who wants to spend five hours in a car On Christmas Day. I would just say at home.

DelphiniumBlue · 19/12/2020 17:56

Can they come to you, so that those who actually aren't working n the day do the travelling?
But I don't think the new restrictions allow all this anyway.

LilyLongJohn · 19/12/2020 17:56

Too much if a risk of passing in the virus to multiple people, too much driving especially as you've got to work in the evening. What a shitty Christmas for you

Chloemol · 19/12/2020 18:06

YANBU

And if his family pressure him he can go on his own

Billben · 19/12/2020 18:07

Your DH is off his head. I really don’t understand this desperation of absolutely having to see family. He’s a grown up with his own family for fucks sake. Yes, it’s not what anybody would choose for Christmas, but he can count himself lucky that he still has family to visit. In an age where you can FaceTime at a press of a button any time you like, I find this having to see people in person behaviour frankly pathetic.

Janaih · 19/12/2020 18:10

Travelling on christmas day is not fun for kids. Plus you will be exhausted. Once your dh calms down I'm sure he will reluctantly accept this. If not tell him to fuck off.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 19/12/2020 18:33

If you are in Tier 3, your DH has no business travelling into other households outside of your area, frankly.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 19/12/2020 18:34

Oh, and if he insists on taking himself off to see his parents who haven't been isolating or following the rules, then tell him he'll have to isolate in a room alone when he gets home.

Monkeypeas · 19/12/2020 18:40

Let me guess, as you’ll be working on the evening he would assume you’d do the driving too so he can have a Christmas drink?

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 19/12/2020 18:46

Is your DH on drugs?

Smelborp · 19/12/2020 18:55

It’s not allowed now though is it? It’s not local and it’s more than one household meeting.

It’s also going to be terrible for your children and for you so he needs to think of his whole family rather than his parents.

GlowingOrb · 19/12/2020 19:00

He wants to have his kids spend Christmas in the car. Really, that is what it comes down to. You can talk about risk and responsibility, but even without Covid, I would not let that be my kids Christmas

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 19/12/2020 19:04

We've been told to stay local, so regardless of anything else, you shouldn't do it anyway.