Been told no presents for great-nephew!

[UndertheCedartree]

I messaged the mother of my great-nephew yesterday asking what size clothes he was in as I was thinking of getting an outfit/babygro for him for Christmas. She told me she doesn't want any presents for him as 'he has enough' and I could put some money into his savings if I wanted. Now this would have been fine except I've already bought his presents (2 toys and a book). I told her this but said they could be kept at the baby's dad's flat (my nephew - they are not together). She said she didn't want him having toys at his dad's as she already will send his favourite toys when he sees his dad.

I don't know what to do! I don't want to go against her wishes as his mother but I already have the presents bought and wrapped!

I understand having too much stuff for a baby, and we have issues with some relatives handing over huge piles of plastic tat every week, but there is always something they need - whether it be clothes in another size, or bed sheets or plastic plates or bibs or swimming things. If someone asks then it's never difficult to think of something! Sounds like she just doesn't want you involved... maybe she's feeling a bit defensive for some reason?

@cookiecuttercreamandbutter

I think it's so mean not to let older relatives buy clothes. Who cares if they're not worn more than once. It brings them so much pleasure and they can have a picture to cherish.

It's not actually a gift then is it? The mother (because it's always the woman doing the gruntwork) has to undress and redress the child, take suitable photos, send them on then pass the outfit on to charity. The only person who benefits is the gift giver. Not the recipient.

she didn't want him having toys at his dad's as she already will send his favourite toys when he sees his dad

she sounds like she will be hard work for your DN.

I would just say you have spoken to DN and he is happy to accept the toys as you have already bought them but would like to send her £10 for the babies account in lieu of an outfit. then dont ask her again.

also i agree that with my DC my MIL / aunts etc loved nothing more than buying clothes for DC. Especially as they were the first girls so their first chance to buy pretty dresses and floral prints. Not everything was to my taste but I saw how much joy it brought to them. I would always try to take a photo of DC wearing them. I then got joy from passing them on to friends or people less fortunate through online marketplace groups.

@cookiecuttercreamandbutter

I think it's so mean not to let older relatives buy clothes. Who cares if they're not worn more than once. It brings them so much pleasure and they can have a picture to cherish.

This is a bad mentally. Just buy buy buy, stuff stuff stuff. Most kids have too many toys and they don't even play with them! It clutters their little mind. Parents have to do things like "toy rotation " or wtv to get kids to be interested in playing. It's nuts!

Parents don't want to prevent grandparents from spending money on their grandkids but DO something instead. Take the kids to the park, to the museum, to the cinema (covid aside.....), to the zoo, for a boat ride..... you'll have plenty of pictures and memories. The kids will loooove it! If you can't go out, find something fun to do with the kids inside.

You know what, someone in the family passed away very recently and I heard someone comment that that person was unhappy they didn't have more material goods. That makes me so sad..... why can't we wish for something more for our kids? Memories instead of stuff, happiness in being with our family members instead of tantruming that they didn't bring an expensive gift?!