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Original poster

Been told no presents for great-nephew!

79 replies

UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 14:30

I messaged the mother of my great-nephew yesterday asking what size clothes he was in as I was thinking of getting an outfit/babygro for him for Christmas. She told me she doesn't want any presents for him as 'he has enough' and I could put some money into his savings if I wanted. Now this would have been fine except I've already bought his presents (2 toys and a book). I told her this but said they could be kept at the baby's dad's flat (my nephew - they are not together). She said she didn't want him having toys at his dad's as she already will send his favourite toys when he sees his dad.

I don't know what to do! I don't want to go against her wishes as his mother but I already have the presents bought and wrapped!

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 19/12/2020 15:51

Send them to dad's house. Nothing to do with her. What a strange woman.

Feedingthebirds1 · 19/12/2020 15:51

[quote UndertheCedartree]@cookiecuttercreamandbutter - my feelings exactly
@Sputnikle - I really feel for her. I think it must be a very difficult timefor her. I think I'll give the presents to nephew as planned and just ask him not to mention them to save hurt feelings.[/quote]
I know you're trying to keep the peace for the sake of great nephew, but I wouldn't ask that it's not mentioned. That crosses a line into telling them how to manage their relationship and ultimately it's for them to decide.

NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 15:53

It makes sense to send to your nephew anyway since you're related to him. It's really none of her business what toys or books are kept at the dad's house or who bought them.

Viviennemary · 19/12/2020 15:54

How rude. At least the problem is solved. I wouldn't bother having any contact with this ungrateful cf person in future.,

Kb12 · 19/12/2020 15:58

@UnderTheCedarTree oh if they don't have a lot of toys then it makes a lot of sense and it's nice of you to get the child the presents. Just offering another point of view.

Micah · 19/12/2020 15:59

Out of interest why are you discussing it with her and not with your nephew?

I know with dbro when people used to talk to his ex rather than him about his kids he felt even more pushed out of their lives. That they were happy to talk to ex but never him made it feel like they were taking sides, iyswim, and he would have liked more support off his own family.

I’d ignore her, speak to your nephew from now on.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/12/2020 16:03

@CiggyStardust

I don't think she gets to decide what he has at his dad's house. Send them to your nephew.
Exactly this ^

None of her business what is kept at his dad's.

Also - you could open a bank account in your own name, but for him, and put cash into there, and then you know that his mother has no control over it.

yoyo1234 · 19/12/2020 16:06

I can understand someone not wanting lots of things at their house but I do not think she should control what is at your nephews .

Yokey · 19/12/2020 16:10

Really nice of you, OP, but I wouldn't go against her wishes if you hope to maintain your good relationship. There may be deeper issues going on (the idea of v young baby being at dad's place and not with her might be tough, and she may be feeling like she's lacking control). I agree it's not very nice of her, but going against her when she may be having a tough time, especially where her own tiny baby is concerned, probably won't go down well. Save them for baby's birthday if possible. And next time message nephew instead

Singinghollybob · 19/12/2020 16:16

Give the presents to your nephew to keep at his. I dont think the mum can dictate what he plays with when he's there.

Singinghollybob · 19/12/2020 16:17

And I'd probably communicate with him anyway, with him being his dad and your relative.

lynxca16 · 19/12/2020 16:19

Send them - he will be delighted

Lalliella · 19/12/2020 16:20

She is a rude control freak. Your nephew is also his parent! She has no say as to what he keeps at his flat. Give them to your nephew to give to him.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 16:24

@Sputnikle - thank you

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 16:25

@Feedingthebirds1 - yes, I take your point.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 16:27

@Kb12 - oh yes, I understand!

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 16:30

@Micah - to be honest I think I was being a bit sexist asking the mum the clothes size instead of the dad! I'm very close to nephew so I do speak to him a lot about his baby. I've bought him a baby's 1st Christmas bauble to help him be involved too

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 16:33

@Yokey - yes, I did think how I would feel in her situation and I take your point. On the other hand I do feel she needs to accept the situation she is in. Difficult one.

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oakleaffy · 19/12/2020 16:39

Land of plenty where kids are inundated with toys and clothing.
Meanwhile, a Charity Christmas party for inner city kids had the kids saying “ mum will only sell my presents for cash”
Really heartbreaking.
The haves and have nots.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 19/12/2020 17:02

She is rude. Give them to your nephew the mum obvs does not want them.

Strictlysilly · 19/12/2020 17:15

Why are people like this? Surely the only words she should be saying are thank you and how thoughtful it was.

BethlehemIsInTier1 · 19/12/2020 18:44

@UndertheCedartree

I messaged the mother of my great-nephew yesterday asking what size clothes he was in as I was thinking of getting an outfit/babygro for him for Christmas. She told me she doesn't want any presents for him as 'he has enough' and I could put some money into his savings if I wanted. Now this would have been fine except I've already bought his presents (2 toys and a book). I told her this but said they could be kept at the baby's dad's flat (my nephew - they are not together). She said she didn't want him having toys at his dad's as she already will send his favourite toys when he sees his dad.

I don't know what to do! I don't want to go against her wishes as his mother but I already have the presents bought and wrapped!

Then why bother asking what size he was if you already had bought the clothes?
burritofan · 19/12/2020 18:50

Perfectly reasonable to keep the stuff at the baby’s dad’s and she doesn’t get a say-so in that, but really: 2 toys, a book, an outfit, a bauble – please calm down. It’s awful being inundated with stuff for your baby at birthdays and Christmas – if every close relative just buys one thing it’s a lot, let alone a great-aunt buying 5 things. Parents end up spending January hauling bin bags to charity. Dial it down for future.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 19:06

@BethlehemIsInTier1 - as I specified I had bought 2 toys and a book - not clothes!

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2020 19:15

@burritofan - as I said there are only 2 other family members to buy a present. So my great-nephew will certainly not be inundated with presents! I also explained my DNw has no toys or books for the baby at his so a couple of toys (one is a teether and one is a bear that plays music for sleep) and a book is hardly going over the top! The bauble is for my DNw to put on his tree as I know he will really like it and it will cheer him up even though he won't see his DS on Christmas day - in fact he'll probably be alone now we are in Tier 4. Dare I mention I've got my DNw some presents too?!

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