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Original poster

I need a good come back for second hand hating in laws

105 replies

IPeedInThePool · 19/12/2020 10:06

I got some bits for the kids from the charity shop this week just to wear Christmas Day they also had a sock basket 10 for £1 mainly baby socks so just picked some up everything goes in the wash first now in laws are making fun of me for buying second hand and my poor kids mental health they are 3 and 5 for god sake!

OP posts:
FrankskinnerscRoc · 19/12/2020 12:20

Ask them which charity they donate to.

PicaK · 19/12/2020 12:23

If you want to be mean then just puzzedly shrug and say "Oh I guess it's a class thing" or something on those lines. Or "I guess it's just the norm for my peer group."
Which is horrible and sneering but might shut them up.

PicaK · 19/12/2020 12:26

I've had this off my ex-mil but the worst was the Foster parents who had looked after the baby we adopted. They'd seriously damaged her mental health with emotional neglect but thought they were the bees knees because they always bought her new clothes.
(Disclaimer there are many wonderful Foster carers out there but just not those 2)

theDudesmummy · 19/12/2020 12:26

What business is it of theirs?

PicaK · 19/12/2020 12:28

Actually my point should be that whether you buy new or 2nd hand is fine if it's your choice (it's very hard if you want new but can't afford) but don't think new=more love.

Elderflower14 · 19/12/2020 12:28

I brought my ds2 up wearing lots of charity shop clothes. He is now 24 and he's picked up the charity shop bug! Whenever I am with him we go a charity shop crawl and have a great time!

Thewinterofdiscontent · 19/12/2020 12:28

A bit of reverse snobbery maybe - “new is so tacky”
“I don’t want people thinking I’m one of “those’ mothers”

or “gosh, you’re turning into Hyacinth Bouquet”.

Joeblack066 · 19/12/2020 12:29

Chris Evans (Virgin Radio) was extolling the virtues of charity shops yesterday. He gets as much as he can from them as he says there’s already too much stuff in the world. He’d got all his colleagues presents that way.
I’m a great charity shop buyer- it’s the ultimate in recycling! X

DianaT1969 · 19/12/2020 12:29

Now you know. Don't show your MIL things. Engage with them less. You don't share the same values. Show stuff to friends who are on the same page as you, if you want to show it to anybody.

JazzyGeoff · 19/12/2020 12:30

I don't think OP needs to use a classist insult. Just ignore and stop showing them stuff.

HermioneMakepeace · 19/12/2020 12:30

It’s very middle/upper class to buy second-hand.

Longtalljosie · 19/12/2020 12:34

Give the impression you are quietly psychoanalysing them “it’s funny / interesting how much it seems to matter to you”

Mummyratbag · 19/12/2020 12:39

For goodness sake - kids grow so quick clothes don't get worn out. My youngest has had stuff his older brother AND cousin have worn. If they have holes in they get recycled, if they look good then why would you throw them out? If they care about their grandchildren's mental health they may want to think of the environmental disaster pending. Tell them to go clean a beach or plant a tree..

5zeds · 19/12/2020 12:41

Just don’t discuss where clothes come from or share outfits in that way. Their loss, another part of their grandchildren’s lives they’re not seeing.

Icantrememebrtheartist · 19/12/2020 12:42

I have a chip on my shoulder about second hand clothes, toys are fine but not clothes BUT that’s my issue because I remember my mum being given bags of clothes and I would worry that the second hand clothes would be recognised by the child who used to wear them. I always wanted new clothes and it’s stuck with me.

We’re your in-laws hard up when their children were small and now can afford to buy new?

donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2020 12:46

Oh dear. I had hoped it would come through in the tone of my post, but just for the avoidance of doubt - I was not being entirely serious.

At least 20% of MNers are ironyblind.

That's why MN introduced the setting to allow lighthearted posts to be highlighted. Unfortunately most people don't tick the box.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/12/2020 12:46

I just don't discuss where I buy anything.

I have a friend who is ridiculously pushy about second hand purchases, she HAS to make a big deal about how no one should ever buy new and even I find that annoying.

Because we need a bit of both. Not everything lasts forever and someone needs to be willing to pay more for new things to trickle in at the top.

donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2020 12:50

I don't think OP needs to use a classist insult.

She doesn't need to insult them at all, but she wants to. After all, isn't this what Christmas is all about?

'You mean to say you don't buy your clothes second hand too? I never would have guessed.'

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/12/2020 12:50

It is common among some people to buy second hand. I know lots of very well off people who equally don't because actually good second hand things can take time and effort to find, and many people lack the time.

My parents were thoroughly middle class but did not like to spend money on childrens clothes. I hated the very old things I had to wear - they were often out dated in style, didnt suit me or didnt fit very well.

I've had a few attempts to buy second hand for my kids and been disappointed by the condition things have arrived in - clearly quite well worn, faded colours etc, and not cheap either.

lockeddownandcrazy · 19/12/2020 12:50

I'd just laugh at them. Why buy new and waste money, and plantetary resources, when you can get better value from second hand stuff a lot of the time. If they are so insecure that new clothes make them feel better maybe its their mental health we should be worrying about

satnighttakeaway · 19/12/2020 12:55

@IPeedInThePool

I showed the mil the cute little dress I got, the bag was a banardos and there was socks in the bag she seen.
Well you can't really say that you care about the environment if you don't take your own shopping bags with you Grin

The answer to your problem is simple, don't show her your shopping

akittencalledjesus · 19/12/2020 12:57

"I'm saving money, giving to charity and helping reduce waste which benefits the planet we all have to live on. Exactly what is the problem with any of that?"

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2020 13:01

We just don't tell my in-laws where we buy things now. I remember when my daughter was 2 I found a really nice, brilliant quality and looked as new winter coat for my daughter for £2 and I was over the moon as it was one of those perfect charity shops finds. My MIL commented so I proudly said it was from the charity shop for £2 and for about 3 months after she wouldn't let it go and kept offering to buy us a brand new one if we were struggling to afford it.

We now don't mention anything (although my daughter is now 6 and will sometimes say 'mummy got me this from the charity shop'

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/12/2020 13:02

@WiseOwlWan

If you do want a ''come back'' though I would say ''Were you raised in poverty? It's a common response to having been raised in poverty, don't worry about it, you're ok now''.

Obviously that depends though! My parents over extended themselves with their mortgage and mine and my brother's memory of our childhood is that we were poor but my parents do not see it that way. White washing and revisionism, my parents would take third hand clothes for us. I had to wear dresses that belonged to younger cousins.

We're you a child in the 80s? Mortgage rates were ridiculously high. I used a lot of second hand and bargain bin stuff then, it was a question of priorities.
akittencalledjesus · 19/12/2020 13:15

My MIL commented so I proudly said it was from the charity shop for £2 and for about 3 months after she wouldn't let it go and kept offering to buy us a brand new one if we were struggling to afford it.

You should have said yes and then promptly donated it to a charity shop stating you had already purchased a very nice winter coat so this new one was redundant.