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AIBU?

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Original poster

To spend Christmas with in laws ? Are we selfish if we do ?

109 replies

questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 08:58

We are a family of three. DH, DD (1 ) and I.

We see my in-laws and their adult children who live at home and work from home occasionally. So they're kind of in our support bubble. MIL has been in hospital due to an operation but got out yesterday.

Would you spend Christmas with them and stay at their house ?

OP posts:
Chemenger · 19/12/2020 09:28

Are support bubbles not intended to allow support, for example help with child care, rather than just relaxing the rules for parents of babies? So they are allowing essential contact, not facilitating social contact?

Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:29

She's not 1 yet. And in any case, even if she was- she might have turned 1 we would still be ok if she was under 1 on December 2nd. So don't just assume. That's why I didn't think I needed to specify her exact age, as people could just look for themselves. But she isn't even 1 yet.

OP posts:
thetoughhaveleft · 19/12/2020 09:31

I think you're very much flexing the support bubble idea to be honest OP. Support means just that- ie for childcare reasons etc. You seem to be using it to provide you with a chance to visit them.

Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:33

OMG I can't believe how judgemental people are about us forming a support bubble.

You're allowed to do that. What a support bubble is
A support bubble is a support network which links 2 households. You have to meet certain eligibility rules to form a support bubble. This means not everyone will be able to form a support bubble.
Once you’re in a support bubble, you can think of yourself as being in one ‘household’. It means you can have close contact with the other household in your bubble as if they were members of your own household. This means you do not need to maintain social distance with people in your support bubble.
You should continue to follow social distancing guidancee_ with people outside of your household or support bubble. This is critical to keeping you, your family and friends as safe as possible.
If you form a support bubble, it is best if this is with a household who live locally. This will help prevent the virus spreading from an area where more people are infected.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2020 09:33

So don't just assume.

People go on what you say, and you either lied or have changed your story. It’s a bit rich to blame people bothering to reply to you for believing what you said.

However, do what you want, obviously. Mixing with such a large household is obviously not wise but if you’re doing it anyway and MIL, despite recent surgery, is apparently in such good shape then you may as well carry on seeing them over Christmas. That’s what you want people to say I think?

GintyMcGinty · 19/12/2020 09:35

Everyone needs to decide what level of risk they are comfortable with and then get on with it. Whether others agree or not. And if you don't break the law it doesn't matter if others make different choices to you.

Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:36

@AnneLovesGilbert if people bothered reading the rules properly, they would have seen that it includes children who were under 1 year on the 2nd of December - which is why I didn't want to specify. It's not my fault people can't read the rules properly.

OP posts:
Camomila · 19/12/2020 09:36

"childcare bubbles" and "support bubbles" are seperate, and you can have both (though obviously its safer to use the same people for both).

Support bubbles are for adult mental health needs as well as childcare.

Taystee29 · 19/12/2020 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Womencanlift · 19/12/2020 09:38

Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should

But never mind OP you enjoy your multiple adult Christmas and beyond (because you know you can join as one household) and wonder this time next year why we are all still in the same situation as now

ineedaholidaynow · 19/12/2020 09:39

Bearing in mind a large proportion of people contract COVID whilst in hospital I would probably be avoiding them!

Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:39

@Womencanlift that's such a joke. They're my support bubble and I see them anyway, so what's the difference. Completely unreasonable response.

OP posts:
Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:40

@ineedaholidaynow that is literally my only worry !

OP posts:
Chemenger · 19/12/2020 09:40

I’m not sure why you are offended at people being judgmental when you have explicitly asked for them to judge whether what you are clearly going to do, no matter what anyone says, is selfish. Judgemental is not a synonym for “doesn’t agree with me”.

Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:41

@Camomila that's exactly what I have with them. They help with childcare when I work but also we eat together. Same household. We don't see anyone else. Neither do they.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 19/12/2020 09:41

Personally I wouldn't.

Your in laws won't be alone, you won't be alone. Just have Christmas as your separate households and keep everyone safer. Perhaps meet up for an outside walk if your MIL is upto it.

LadyLazaruss · 19/12/2020 09:42

I wouldn't call you selfish. Go for it.

Skipsurvey · 19/12/2020 09:42

are you simply looking for an argument op?

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2020 09:43

Right, then why start this pointless thread? You’re adamant you’re in the right, so why waste your own or anyone else’s time discussing it?

Original poster
questiontime100 · 19/12/2020 09:45

I only started this thread to test MN and understand whether I should stay on this forum at all. I think what we are doing is completely reasonable by the way. I had dinner there two nights ago. We see each other all the time. Of course we will go for Christmas. The only issue being the hospital thing, but might get ML to take a private test if I'm really worried.

So yeah this has proven my point that most posters are completely unreasonable. They're our bubble and we are theirs. There is no extra risk. This is ridiculous. Last post. I'm deleting my account. I never want to come on here and listen to 'advice' again.

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 19/12/2020 09:46

[quote questiontime100]@Womencanlift that's such a joke. They're my support bubble and I see them anyway, so what's the difference. Completely unreasonable response.[/quote]
Absolutely not a joke. Multiple medical people have said that households should not be joining up regardless of what the government guidelines say. Spikes are already being prepared for because of that.

Yes they are your support bubble so you will see them anyway so not sure why you even posted then

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2020 09:49

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out...

Yuppie20 · 19/12/2020 09:49

Think people are being pretty dickish on here. Your not breaking the rules so just use your own common sense. Xmas is relaxed for them dates anyway so it's hard to believe that all the judgmental people posting aren't going to see other family too over the holidays.

Cam2020 · 19/12/2020 09:50

Which bit of the support bubble regulations do you think you come under OP? It's not clear from your posts

She posted the link and included her child's age in a previous post. Look it up yourself...

Skipsurvey · 19/12/2020 09:51

the op is being a dick tbh

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