To think this is a little rude and self-absorbed?

[Circumlocutious]

My BiL is engaged, and over the summer we (DH and I) went round to his fiancé’s as part of the courtship/ engagement process - quite traditional in our culture, families exchanging visits etc. I took over a Godiva chocolate hamper which his fiancé was delighted about at the time, sent me a text thanking me etc. All good so far, and although we haven’t met in person since, we’ve had a few pleasant exchanges by text.

Not long ago I sent her a funny pic of my toddler, and - I didn’t notice at the time - but in the background was the corner of a gold Godiva bag: I’d gifted my mum a smaller hamper for her birthday. You couldn’t even see the logo - it was just a little bit of a gold bag. BiL’s fiancé comments on the photo then says she’s ‘saddened to spot a Godiva bag in the background and that it wasn’t exclusive to her’... no hint of a joke or anything. I replied with a bit of a joke myself, brushing it off...but my first response was to feel bad, like I’d done something wrong...then to feel annoyed that I’d been made to feel that way.

AIBU to think that this is quite rude and bizarre thing to say to someone who’s given you a gift? :/

Are you sure she wasn't joking? Obviously if she was serious then it's a completely insane reaction. You don't know her so obviously she's not going to get a highly personal gift, also it's a hamper not an engraved piece of hand designed jewellery of course it isn't unique to her.

What a weirdo, so thinks you should’ve got Godiva for her and then never ever for anyone else again?!

Presumably she knows Godiva sell more than one of each product

Next time give her a packet of

Is she very young?

“Saddened” snort!

I hope she was joking, but even if she was that’s a bit of a weird joke. It’s not like Godiva chocolates are highly personal!

Probably just a dry sense of humour but you don't know her well enough to get it yet.

Must be a joke, surely.

It was meant as a joke.
She loved the hamper and is saddened that this one isn't also for her

@ButterMeUpScotty

What a weirdo, so thinks you should’ve got Godiva for her and then never ever for anyone else again?!

It’s like the gift has now been devalued because it’s clearly a common commodity that I’m used to dishing out? (which isn’t the case!) I have no I have no idea if she was joking - there was no hint of it, and she didn’t respond to my follow up text - but yeah...I don’t think you should make some feel like they’ve been busted for doing something perfectly normal.

She’s late 20s.

Surely she was joking?

What was your follow up text?

Was there any chance she thought you had re gifted the item?

(She sounds bonkers)

“One day you will realize that the universe doesn’t revolve around you”

Has to be a joke!

Are you the kind of person who needs a smiley face before you get a joke?

@CrumbsThatsQuick

What was your follow up text?

Was there any chance she thought you had re gifted the item?

(She sounds bonkers)

Something like ‘my mum had heard of the shop opening and insisted on having one (she barely even likes chocolate 😫)’

It’s bit of an exaggeration but I had to treat the whole comment as a joke really. And still hope it is!

Don't worry about it. If she's serious, she's pathetic. We bought my husbands brother and his wife a very beautiful and expensive hamper one Christmas and we didn't get so much as a thank you. I actually had to check they'd received it! They get fuck all now. Not even a card.

Her comment totally reads as a joke to me. I think I agree with a pp. You don't need a winky face emoji before a sentence can be considered a joke.

I think she’s joking. Text communication is so hard to decipher sometimes. I think she’s trying to compliment you on the gift, saying she wishes she was the only one lucky enough to get something so lovely, that kind of thing. Please don’t be rude to her in return.

but my first response was to feel bad, like I’d done something wrong

Check your boundaries. Your boundary around yourself confidence is very low if it can be swayed by something so unfounded as this. Never forget that you are a good, kind, caring person. Nobody can change that, whatever they say or feel. If someone questions that, it's about them, and not you.

Correct response:

"Ha, ha, you didn't think you could keep the good stuff all to yourself, did you ?"

@Eckhart

but my first response was to feel bad, like I’d done something wrong

Check your boundaries. Your boundary around yourself confidence is very low if it can be swayed by something so unfounded as this. Never forget that you are a good, kind, caring person. Nobody can change that, whatever they say or feel. If someone questions that, it's about them, and not you.

I think it was the fact that she’d spotted something minuscule in the background of the photo, that for a split second made me feel like I was guilty of ‘hiding’ something and been discovered....

Thank you though.

——

As a rule I don’t need emojis, no. But there are all kinds of linguistic markers of humour and I guess I didn’t detect any of them there. Have no intention of treating her differently...only time will tell if she’s destined to feature in future AIBU threads!

It's always unreasonable to be saddened by a chocolate hamper

If that wasn't a joke, then she is a joke! Nothing to feel guilty about.

She sounds like Uncle Bryn from Gavin & Stacey - animatedly telling people all about this amazing new shop he's discovered that they really must check out - and it turns out it's a chain store that's had a branch on every single high street in every town for the last 40 years.

How could that not possibly be a joke?!

I couldn’t imagine reading it as anything else.