To think this is a little rude and self-absorbed?

[Circumlocutious]

My BiL is engaged, and over the summer we (DH and I) went round to his fiancé’s as part of the courtship/ engagement process - quite traditional in our culture, families exchanging visits etc. I took over a Godiva chocolate hamper which his fiancé was delighted about at the time, sent me a text thanking me etc. All good so far, and although we haven’t met in person since, we’ve had a few pleasant exchanges by text.

Not long ago I sent her a funny pic of my toddler, and - I didn’t notice at the time - but in the background was the corner of a gold Godiva bag: I’d gifted my mum a smaller hamper for her birthday. You couldn’t even see the logo - it was just a little bit of a gold bag. BiL’s fiancé comments on the photo then says she’s ‘saddened to spot a Godiva bag in the background and that it wasn’t exclusive to her’... no hint of a joke or anything. I replied with a bit of a joke myself, brushing it off...but my first response was to feel bad, like I’d done something wrong...then to feel annoyed that I’d been made to feel that way.

AIBU to think that this is quite rude and bizarre thing to say to someone who’s given you a gift? :/

She sounds like a twat... tell her to get a grip.. sorted

@WankPuffins

Well. You are in for a fun time with her in your life.

Just think of all the other ways you will inadvertently offend her over the years.

This.

Not many cultures do the 'dry' sense of humour. Brits and a few Americans on the east coast. Is she from that culture. Did she have a deadpan dry sense of humour?

If not, she is going to be a massive pain.

She was joking.

I think it was a joke too.

I would have given her the benefit of the doubt and replied with "this one's for my mum. I only give them to special women ;) "

If she was joking she'd get it, and if she WASN'T joking you'd make her feel bad.

I agree OP its not something I'd personally find funny/witty, but some would.

I'd assume she was joking, because saddened is a ridiculous word and the rest of the wording. But at the same time there are thousands of posts about brides to be who are completely fucking mental and would say it and not be joking. As you don't know her well, I get the uncertainty.

A vote for ‘she’s not joking’ (probably).

We really do need you to report back about halfway through the wedding preparations. Around about the time she expresses her preferences for some aspect of her new inlaws’ participation. By then it will be crystal clear what she meant.

I fervently hope she turns out to be a fab, wry, light-hearted addition to your family. Something tells me that’s not going to happen.

Personally I’d have hedged my bets and answered along the lines of ‘Yes, Godiva is the gift our family reserves for the inner sanctum, glad you liked yours and the message behind it.’ Then buy up Godiva for every tiny family celebration FOREVER, but never gift it to her directly ever again. By year 18 she’ll be begging for it. Hand some over meaningfully to her future kids, every time you see them.

Whiny pass-ag comments are a deep bugbear with me. Can you tell?

Not many cultures do the 'dry' sense of humour. Brits and a few Americans on the east coast. Is she from that culture.

Indeed, even within these isles it's pot luck. Irish, Scots, cockney or northern and certainly a joke. Middle class from the home counties and probably not

We really do need you to report back about halfway through the wedding preparations...By then it will be crystal clear what she meant.

This is very true. If she wasn't joking she'll be a nightmare.

OP I voted YANBU, however, reading more of your posts I've changed my mind, sorry.

I really think she was joking. As pp said, the linguistic marker of referring to herself in the third person is a strong indication of a joke.

Middle class from the home counties and probably not

I also hope this is a joke too Middle class, home counties, like my that of DHs family and friends, some of the driest humour I've encountered, and I'm a northerner.

I’m with you OP I really don’t get the “joke” or have even heard of it being used as a “linguistic marker of humour”

Just chalk it up to a weird text but notice of a pattern of her “humour” (or weird) texts starts, especially around gifts. It’ll build a clearly picture over time.

I also hope this is a joke too grin

You are doing MN wrong- you are supposed to be incandescent with rage, or at least let someone else bite :-)

I think there is a nugget of truth to the provocatively wild oversimplification- it does vary a bit by geography and class but you can encounter the ironyblind everywhere.

Which would be fine, except they insist that something is not a joke because they can't tell. See PPs.