Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a little rude and self-absorbed?

60 replies

Circumlocutious · 18/12/2020 23:01

My BiL is engaged, and over the summer we (DH and I) went round to his fiancé’s as part of the courtship/ engagement process - quite traditional in our culture, families exchanging visits etc. I took over a Godiva chocolate hamper which his fiancé was delighted about at the time, sent me a text thanking me etc. All good so far, and although we haven’t met in person since, we’ve had a few pleasant exchanges by text.

Not long ago I sent her a funny pic of my toddler, and - I didn’t notice at the time - but in the background was the corner of a gold Godiva bag: I’d gifted my mum a smaller hamper for her birthday. You couldn’t even see the logo - it was just a little bit of a gold bag. BiL’s fiancé comments on the photo then says she’s ‘saddened to spot a Godiva bag in the background and that it wasn’t exclusive to her’... no hint of a joke or anything. I replied with a bit of a joke myself, brushing it off...but my first response was to feel bad, like I’d done something wrong...then to feel annoyed that I’d been made to feel that way.

AIBU to think that this is quite rude and bizarre thing to say to someone who’s given you a gift? :/

OP posts:
WankPuffins · 19/12/2020 03:00

Well. You are in for a fun time with her in your life.

Just think of all the other ways you will inadvertently offend her over the years.

sneakysnoopysniper · 19/12/2020 03:16

Im always amazed at the kinds of situations other people get themselves into when they get a text or email with a nasty insinuation or remark they dont like. They twist themselves into all kinds of shapes wondering how to reply and what the motivation is.

I sell online and sometimes buyers make the most absurd accusations.

For example an item arrives damaged (very rare) and they insinuate I deliberately sent a broken one. Or there is no progress on the tracking for a few days and they insinuate I committed a fraud and sent invalid tracking details.

In these circumstances I have a policy of replying in a brisk business like manner without any emotion. I do not respond to the insinuations and just stick to the basics:-

"Im so sorry your XX arrived damaged. Please send photographs which clearly illustrate the nature of the damage and I will begin an insurance claim."

"Below is the tracking information on your item. It is currently with customs and there will be no further scans until it is handed to the mail service for delivery"

Keep the emotion out of it. Or ask yourself do you need to reply at all? Texts and emails go missing all the time.

jessstan1 · 19/12/2020 03:20

Weird but I think it was a joke.

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/12/2020 04:01

Oh dear. To be fair it's her that should be embarrassed of her text if anything OP. What a strange thing to think and say. It's a multinational chocolate company, so how is it ever going to be exclusive to her. She is in for a shock when she goes in Sainsbury's next, my local sells Godiva, there's a fancy bay dedicated to it.

I'd say perhaps she thought it was just something you had at home that you gave her but she is still behaving rudely. I'd have given her text a fairly short reply along the lines of 'I'm not quite sure what you mean? I bought mum a smaller hamper as a special treat, they aren't cheap. Hope you enjoyed yours' with a silent Hmm. I wouldn't have pandered quite as heavily as you did OP. You can have what you want in your own house and she is being grabby.

Weirdwonders · 19/12/2020 07:34

It’s a weird joke for someone you don’t know though. A joke would be more like ‘oh I see you’ve bought me more chocolates’ or better yet just don’t reference it at all? I think it’s just an awkward joke.

Oreservoir · 19/12/2020 07:41

My sil would put a similar comment and it absolutely would be a joke.
Some people are just very good at dead pan humour.

Gardeniaofdelights · 19/12/2020 07:56

Sounds like she was making a joke which didn’t quite land. You’re overthinking it, I think.

ChaToilLeam · 19/12/2020 08:02

It was either a misfired joke or she is a precious wee princess. Time will tell.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/12/2020 08:07

She was joking.

As in “I see what might be a chocolate bag, oh no, all the chocolates are for MEEEEE!”

No one could be as bonkers to send the message interpreted your way.

And if they did, why would you subscribe to such a ridiculous way of thinking as to let it affect you?

Chailatte20 · 19/12/2020 08:25

Op I sadly think we'll be hearing a lot more about this future sil. I hope I'm wrong but I get an inkling she's a precious princess type.

bridgetreilly · 19/12/2020 08:26

I think you all need to grow up a bit, tbh.

Original poster
Circumlocutious · 19/12/2020 08:35

Curiously, she didn’t actually say ‘ not exclusive to me’, but something like ‘not exclusive to Lucy’s engagement party’. It’s that use of the third person...

OP posts:
cologne4711 · 19/12/2020 08:36

Surely it must be a joke?

After all, your mum might have been given not gifted the chocolate from someone else, not necessarily you. It's a bit of a leap to assume it was from you and then get offended. Is anyone really that bonkers? Well I suppose they might be...

donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2020 08:37

Seems a pretty obvious dry joke to me, I might do the same one.

These days I include emojis when speaking to people who don't know my humour well but that took a good long while to learn.

If it's not a joke you'll soon find out because she'll be a similar batshit narcissist about everything.

donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2020 08:39

Curiously, she didn’t actually say ‘ not exclusive to me’, but something like ‘not exclusive to Lucy’s engagement party’.

That's your very obvious linguistic marker of humour. She's very clearly signposted that it's a joke.

anewdispensation · 19/12/2020 08:42

It was a joke. It’s the kind of joke I’ll make. Don’t ready anything more into it

Original poster
Circumlocutious · 19/12/2020 08:46

@donquixotedelamancha

Curiously, she didn’t actually say ‘ not exclusive to me’, but something like ‘not exclusive to Lucy’s engagement party’.

That's your very obvious linguistic marker of humour. She's very clearly signposted that it's a joke.

I see. Thanks.

But...do you think it’s even funny? With someone you’ve met once? This is probably where I’m stumped:

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2020 09:16

But...do you think it’s even funny? With someone you’ve met once?

I do. The absurdity of the statement is the humour. Over the years I have learned that I have an 'uncommon' sense of humour but I amuse myself.

BloggersBlog · 19/12/2020 09:28

It isnt rolling on the floor howling with laughter funny, no. It is dry humour

Ingot · 19/12/2020 09:40

What did you reply to her? You could say "I thought you were being serious for a minute ha ha" and see what she says.

ILoveYoga · 19/12/2020 09:49

I think you’re making too much out of this, perhaps looking to see something that isn’t there. Time to move on

Lobsterquadrille2 · 19/12/2020 12:43

It's the kind of remark a couple of people I know would make, in response to being sent a photograph where they don't have much interest in the main focus, i.e. your toddler. No disrespect to you or your toddler! I think she was trying to be funny, in a dry way, but maybe "forgot" that you're not familiar with her brand of humour yet.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/12/2020 23:33

But...do you think it’s even funny? With someone you’ve met once?

Actually, what she is doing in a humorous way, is telling you again that she really enjoyed the chocolates.

M4J4 · 19/12/2020 23:59

I agree with pp, she was joking. I think you might be over-analysing this, OP.

ItisRainingAgain · 20/12/2020 00:17

Godiva would also be pretty unhappy to find out they’re only allowed one customer.

Swipe left for the next trending thread