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Original poster

How to handle this? #xmasdrama

98 replies

MariaK91 · 18/12/2020 22:50

I'll try to keep this short, but it's a bit of a story! Sorry!

After bombarding me with messages about Xmas presents, SIL sent my DH a message saying 'this is what you're buying me for christmas' and a link to the item which is £60+. No 'hello', or 'how are you' or 'please'. We've already spent £40 on her baby on her request, and not bought her husband a present yet. It's WAY WAY more than we've ever spent on each other at Christmas - normally £20 MAX per person. And vice versa. It's a bit of a shock for us! (They're not our only family so we can't spend £40-60 per person, we're not poor but we're not rolling in the dough! They've never spent loads on us either)

She's been constantly messaging ' I want this, why aren't you guys replying, can you make DH reply' and when DH said to her, he was surprised she'd asked for so much she started messaging me asking why he's stressing about it.

What on earth do I say to her?! Ignore her? Or tell her she's being grabby? I haven't put all the details in here bc it'd be too long, but I used to get along really well with SIL but this is making me feel like she's just trying to squeeze every last drop of present out of us all of a sudden. We already make loads of effort at Christmas, we do all the cooking, make homemade crackers with decent gifts inside (e.g. jewelry, mini alcohols etc), Christmas breakfast muffins, bring all the games. I appreciate I've probably taken this more personally than I should but it really feels like they don't give a crap about seeing us at Christmas and just want stuff. Feel like all the effort we make is just pointless and I just don't have any enthusiasm for Christmas this year at all :/ how would you handle it?

OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 19/12/2020 10:40

Just say you'll give her £20 towards it. I'd actually remind her that you've already spent loads on her kid and she's being grabby.

PompeyBez · 19/12/2020 10:40

Well isn't she grabby!Shock
I would respond, Sorry SIL, we have budgeted £20 per person for adult presents. We have already spent a fair bit treating DN and also have all the christmas food and bits to pay for, as we are entertaining you all this year, so we think this is more than enough. Perhaps you'd like your gift to be a gift voucher to put towards the cost of the item?
P.s. shall we just buy for the children from next year?
P.p.s perhaps you'd like to host next year?

Nottherealslimshady · 19/12/2020 10:41

@PompeyBez

Well isn't she grabby!Shock I would respond, Sorry SIL, we have budgeted £20 per person for adult presents. We have already spent a fair bit treating DN and also have all the christmas food and bits to pay for, as we are entertaining you all this year, so we think this is more than enough. Perhaps you'd like your gift to be a gift voucher to put towards the cost of the item? P.s. shall we just buy for the children from next year? P.p.s perhaps you'd like to host next year?
Yeah @PompeyBez wrote it better than me. Say that Grin
NoSquirrels · 19/12/2020 10:46

I’d tell her “SIL, it’s between you and DH. But I agree with him, we weren’t planning to spend that much” Then ignore.

What a cheeky cow! I absolutely HATE being dictated to about presents. I like having a wish list of suggestions provided, because we all want to make someone happy, but it really gets my back up when I’m given only one option and expected to comply.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/12/2020 10:46

"Lol, good one sis"

Chamomileteaplease · 19/12/2020 10:47

I honestly cannot see any problem with dealing with this insanity.

Just text back, sorry we won't be able to get you that X present, we are only spending £20 on each person's presents as we normally do. Except your baby as he/she is an exciting new arrival Smile.

And ignore further texts.

Sorted.

nosswith · 19/12/2020 10:57

@Chamomileteaplease better put than I would. A link to Marcus Rashford's campaign or UNICEF helping a group in south London might have been my response.

Natsel84 · 19/12/2020 11:11

You've had loads of good suggestions on here .
But Our budget its 20 per adult we will give you money or a voucher towards said item. Keep it short and sweet and dont let it fester on .

2bazookas · 19/12/2020 11:13

Lay it on the line;

" No, we're not buying that. We are watching the budget and have chosen something more modest I hope you will like. DH is worried you must be having some kind of mental breakdown so please stop upsetting him. "

I'd buy a "calming meditation" mandala colouring book as her present.

Scoobydoobywho · 19/12/2020 11:31

Our dc have asked for a puppy and a Nintendo Switch. I just said nope that's not happening, they were fine about it. If she as a supposed adult throws a tantrum about then that's her issue.

Aprilx · 19/12/2020 11:42

It sounds like this is your husbands sister, in which case I wouldn’t get involved.

ElizaLaLa · 19/12/2020 11:47

I want to know what it is.

rottiemum88 · 19/12/2020 11:51

Honestly, this isn't a hard one to answer. "No, it's too much money and we don't spend that much on adult presents". Tell her you're happy to give her the £20 gift value in cash which she can put towards buying it herself.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 19/12/2020 11:54

Tell her you spent all of your budget for her family on the babies gift as you thought she surely meant it as a family gift as to ask for something so expensive and to still expect more is really cheeky, grabby and delusional.

girlywhirly · 19/12/2020 11:57

Tell SIL “haha, very funny!” Then do not engage any further.

Do you buy all the food that her family will be eating, as well as cook it every year? Or do they take their turn at hosting?

Saz12 · 19/12/2020 13:18

That’s insane!!!

Are you sure she normally spends £20 on your family? She’s not been seething that she spends £billions on you guys and gets £20 token in return? I’m not suggesting that she’s “right” to think that way, but surely there’s more to it than “gimme more! MORE!!!” CF-ness..... I mean no one is THAT grabby, surely..?

Original poster
MariaK91 · 19/12/2020 13:34

@Saz12

That’s insane!!!

Are you sure she normally spends £20 on your family? She’s not been seething that she spends £billions on you guys and gets £20 token in return? I’m not suggesting that she’s “right” to think that way, but surely there’s more to it than “gimme more! MORE!!!” CF-ness..... I mean no one is THAT grabby, surely..?

I got a tree baubal and a headband last year which I can't imagine came to more than £20 and the year before I got a little flower pot with a narcissus bulb in it. Nice sweet little presents. The only thing I can say is that I've noticed they've become really grabby since having a kid. I might be wrong but it seems like that to me. They seem really fixated on what people have bought them all of a sudden. And they're not backing down now DH has said he's not impressed. Its really ruining how I feel about them, I can be quite sensitive but I don't want bad any bad blood but at the same time I feel like we're trying to be tactful and keep the peace and they're not thinking about anything other than getting stuff :/
OP posts:
Marvelle · 19/12/2020 13:41

@Chloemol

Send Her a link for something you want that’s about the same price and see what she says

Personally I would just thank her for the link, say you have already got something and give her whatever you want

No - something twice as expensive
AIMD · 19/12/2020 14:23

Honestly you have to stop trying to keep the peace. You can’t keep the peace with someone like this unless you disengage completely or do everything they want.

Text her one last time telling her you’re not spending £60 on her, she is being incredible rude and you will be ignoring any future texts about presents.

Then ignore her and attempt to get on with your day/week. Block her number if need be!

I think you’re taking way too much from her and possibly that’s why she thinks she can’t get away with it.

Where is your brother in this (assuming this is your brothers wife). Does he think she is incredibly rude?

1FootInTheRave · 19/12/2020 14:30

And you're feeding the fuckers too 😯

I wouldn't really be wanting anything to do with her in future.

M4J4 · 19/12/2020 20:12

Definitely don't get what she's asking for. People who give small presents but ask for big presents in return are CFs.

I would also be returning the £40 baby gift and getting a £10 thing.

Do you have kids?

M4J4 · 19/12/2020 20:13

Yes and ask people to contribute to food! Someone does drinks, someone starters, someone desserts! Why are you doing so much?!

LittleOwl153 · 05/03/2021 15:53

@MariaK91 I'd love to know how this turned out...

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