How to handle this? #xmasdrama

[MariaK91]

I'll try to keep this short, but it's a bit of a story! Sorry!

After bombarding me with messages about Xmas presents, SIL sent my DH a message saying 'this is what you're buying me for christmas' and a link to the item which is £60+. No 'hello', or 'how are you' or 'please'. We've already spent £40 on her baby on her request, and not bought her husband a present yet. It's WAY WAY more than we've ever spent on each other at Christmas - normally £20 MAX per person. And vice versa. It's a bit of a shock for us! (They're not our only family so we can't spend £40-60 per person, we're not poor but we're not rolling in the dough! They've never spent loads on us either)

She's been constantly messaging ' I want this, why aren't you guys replying, can you make DH reply' and when DH said to her, he was surprised she'd asked for so much she started messaging me asking why he's stressing about it.

What on earth do I say to her?! Ignore her? Or tell her she's being grabby? I haven't put all the details in here bc it'd be too long, but I used to get along really well with SIL but this is making me feel like she's just trying to squeeze every last drop of present out of us all of a sudden. We already make loads of effort at Christmas, we do all the cooking, make homemade crackers with decent gifts inside (e.g. jewelry, mini alcohols etc), Christmas breakfast muffins, bring all the games. I appreciate I've probably taken this more personally than I should but it really feels like they don't give a crap about seeing us at Christmas and just want stuff. Feel like all the effort we make is just pointless and I just don't have any enthusiasm for Christmas this year at all :/ how would you handle it?

A casual, oh not buying for adults anymore, should sort it.

ohhhh yes! get her an Oxfam goat

Oh pleeeeeaaaaaassse get her an Oxfam goat!!!!

Say "Lol, he's fine. Our budget is £15-£20 per person, except your gorgeous baby of course! So have you a suggestion or shall we surprise you?"

I'd send crying with laughter emoji and then not respond again.

"Hi Jane. Thanks for your message. We've already bought something for Little Jemima and for you and Jethro. Afraid we won't be able to get you XYZ. Hope you're not too disappointed - we're really looking forward to catching up soon. xx"

I agree not to say you can’t afford it, say DH considers it an excessive amount.

Don’t feel rude replying she has put you in this position.

You could point out that if she has spent £60 on DH she should return it for a £20 gift and use the left over £40 plus £20 you will give her to buy the item.

Tell her you have already bought her present then add in if you haven't bought mine yet I would like this (pic of something out of her budget) see how she likes it.

Erm tell her to fuck off?

Now were older with children of own we buy for the kids a more expensive present then just a little something for adults pj's slippers smelly sets maybe tell them also this will be happening next year otherwise its never ending.

"Haha! Lovely idea but that's out of our price range this year. Maybe when we win the lottery! [smiley face]"

Why didn't you say "ah already bought your gift."
Don't make a drama of it.

I would just say you bought her present well in advance but you're looking forward to spending time together at Christmas and not too worried about presents.

How hard is it to say ‘sorry, that doesn’t fit our budget, we have 20 per person, let us know if you’d like to pick something else or have us surprise you’. Why does everything in life have to be drama ridden?

Has she asked what you and your DJ want?

Cheeky cow

'Got your gift now so too late. Anyway your messages asking for gifts take the shine off it so I'd rather do them myself '

Some people have to much face! I wouldn't tolerate this.

Just tell her that you want to keep gifts reasonable as you have always done but you will give her some money or a voucher towards it.

Send Her a link for something you want that’s about the same price and see what she says

Personally I would just thank her for the link, say you have already got something and give her whatever you want

There has to be something good about covid-19. One of those things is the opportunity to re-assess personal relationships and expensive and stressful events like Christmas. If there are things you dont want/cant afford to do here is the perfect excuse to cut down/not invite/not travel etc.

Next year you can announce that you enjoyed it so much this year having a pared down celebration that youve taken the decision to make it permanent.

say we've already bought your.present, you entitled grabby shit

Is this the batshit SIL with the gift list rocking-horse?

We've had this issue with my MIL this year. She asked for an overly expensive birthday gift (£80). They constantly treats us, particularly me like a cash cow - asking if they can have our bed etc second hand, every cupboard needs to be donated to them etc.

My husband had to tell her that she is getting a very minimal Christmas gift as we can't afford to buy another large gift.

You need to tell SIL rather than avoid the issue. 1 awkward year but at least for next year she will know it's not acceptable rather than just resenting you and doing it again.

Just give her a voucher towards the item she wants. £20 or what ever.

Be very mindful that what you do this year will set a routine for future xmases.

Only give what you are happy to give. Tell her you have lots of Xmas gifts to buy each year and plan to stick to the £20 mark for everyone.

How much does she normally spend on you? She sounds very grabby.

Say "Lol, he's fine. Our budget is £15-£20 per person, except your gorgeous baby of course! So have you a suggestion or shall we surprise you?"

This.