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Original poster

I saw we aren't a risk, DH disagrees

65 replies

RedTights · 18/12/2020 21:43

DH, DS2 and I tested positive for CV19 at the end of Nov. We've all felt pretty rough, but thankfully are on the mend now. No more coughing or fever, just feeling tired and a bit headachey.

DD and DS1 had no symptoms but we all got tested and they were negative. We all self isolated for the 14 days.

Onto Christmas - I haven't seen my sister and family since the summer. They live a few hours away and always come to us for Christmas.

I've said they should come as usual as they can't give it to us and we can't give it to them. I can't believe DS1 and DD either weren't exposed or didn't have it when we did - I think maybe they just didn't have it bad enough to show up on a test.

DH says my sister and family shouldn't come because of 'the risk', but can't explain any more than that.

What do you lot think? Is DH being over cautious or am I being blasé?

We are in tier 3, sister is in tier 2. If they come, there will be zero social distancing and they will be staying over.

OP posts:
Sosigsandwich · 18/12/2020 21:44

I would absolutely spend it with them.

QueenOfLabradors · 18/12/2020 21:46

Your sister has every right to an opinion on this, and every right to hear all the facts before she decides. It's not clear if she's been given these.

happytoday73 · 18/12/2020 21:48

I'd leave it up to your sister

Original poster
RedTights · 18/12/2020 21:50

Sorry, should have said. DSIS knows everything, and can't decide! Her DH will go along with whatever she says so that's not an issue. Neither family have any clinically vulnerable people, though both me and DSIS are both overweight. My DS with asthma was the one that didn't get ill.

OP posts:
saraclara · 18/12/2020 21:51

There is no risk. And if you're sister's okay with it, I don't see his problem.

Sparky888 · 18/12/2020 21:53

Why is there no risk? You can get infected again. And you can infect others a second time without symptoms

Nottherealslimshady · 18/12/2020 21:55

I haven't read any consistent and confident data that says that once you've had covid you cant get it again or pass it to others. If someone else had then I'd be very interested.

I don't see how else you could think there's no risk except thinking you're now immune from catching and carrying it.

Ponoka7 · 18/12/2020 21:55

It's upto your Sister. You still need to handwash and keep up the cleaning, because it can be carried. There is the possibility that your two children didn't have it, but if none of you are at particular risk, that's for you to decide.

HopeAndDriftWood · 18/12/2020 21:57

There isn’t no risk. You might have had it and you’re unlikely to still be being contagious from that infection, but you could be asymptomatic, as could they, and spread it to each other. And if you & DS are overweight, and your son has asthma, you’re not all low risk if you get it.

You have to make the call that you’re comfortable with, but you haven’t got no risk.

Is it not a compromise to say that they come but you’ll distance as much as possible?

QueenOfLabradors · 18/12/2020 21:57

Thanks for the clarification OP @RedTights - in the circumstances it is entirely your sister's call. I don't envy her though - I'm currently being the balancing act peacemaker in a family spat about whether or not it's ok to stand and chat in a Tier Two garden with a socially distant mince pie while our dogs race around, or leave everything on the doorstep.

The mince pies will be held well above Cocker Spaniel or Labrador height... Grin

errorofjudgement · 18/12/2020 21:59

If i were your sister I wouldn’t want to be travelling and staying in a tier 3 area, plus from your post it sounds like you’re all still recovering so probably not the best thing to have guests staying ad all the extra work that involves.
And if your sister is telling you she can’t decide, then I would be sensitive to those doubts and just have a quiet Xmas with your immediate family and give yourselves the chance to fully recover.

Ponoka7 · 18/12/2020 22:00

The consensus is that anyone whose had symptoms, but has recovered well, will have a immune response for at least three months. If your children were asymptomatic then their immune response will be less, but if they are well then Covid isn't a particular threat.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-52446965&ved=2ahUKEwjBgOvuwtjtAhWXEMAKHeaqA6YQFjAJegQIDxAB&usg=AOvVaw1Z-ACBxbWazd11z5oMwvK7&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-52446965&ved=2ahUKEwjBgOvuwtjtAhWXEMAKHeaqA6YQFjAJegQIDxAB&usg=AOvVaw1Z-ACBxbWazd11z5oMwvK7&ampcf=1

MrsSleepyHB · 18/12/2020 22:05

My BIL is a key worker and has had it 3 times since march (3 seperate positive tests months apart), albeit hasn't been more poorly than a cold with each, so you can definitely get it again

ImnotCarolineHirons · 18/12/2020 22:48

Your DD and DS1 who tested negative could still catch it now, be asymptomatic and pass it to your sister and family.
This is a risk.

Original poster
RedTights · 18/12/2020 23:28

I can't believe DS1 and DD didn't have it when we did. It was impossible to isolate from them and we were coughing a LOT.

I also think because it was so recent, we wouldn't get it again as we'd have antibodies. Sorry to hear about your BIL @MrsSleepyHB

Both me and DSIS really want to have a Christmas as normal given the crappiness of the last year. She's not having doubts, just wants to know it is safe, and DH saying it's a risk has put doubts in her mind.

There's no way we'd social distance, that I'm sure.

Any thoughts about this new variant? If we had the new one, then do you think we could catch the old one from them?? While we feel so much better than we did, I'd really not want to go through the last few weeks again.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 19/12/2020 00:38

There seem to be rumours that some of the Christmas rules may change because of the new variant.

Henio · 19/12/2020 01:12

I wouldn't risk it, especially if your ds who tested negative has asthma, what if your sisters family bring the new strain with them and pass it to him? Not worth risking imo

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2020 01:15

I can't see that you're at any greater risk than had you not had it, assuming you cleaned your house and aren't going out licking strangers.

Does he like your DSis? Is it perhaps a ruse to avoid her?

PercyPiginaWig · 19/12/2020 01:27

@RedTights

I can't believe DS1 and DD didn't have it when we did. It was impossible to isolate from them and we were coughing a LOT.

I also think because it was so recent, we wouldn't get it again as we'd have antibodies. Sorry to hear about your BIL @MrsSleepyHB

Both me and DSIS really want to have a Christmas as normal given the crappiness of the last year. She's not having doubts, just wants to know it is safe, and DH saying it's a risk has put doubts in her mind.

There's no way we'd social distance, that I'm sure.

Any thoughts about this new variant? If we had the new one, then do you think we could catch the old one from them?? While we feel so much better than we did, I'd really not want to go through the last few weeks again.

Just because you can't believe DS1 and DD didn't have it doesn't mean you are right! A friend had it and her husband and children didn't, they were tested several times.

There is a risk but it is up to you adults tp decide how much of a risk and if you're happy to take it.
Your DSIS can't know it is safe but she can decide on balance that the risk is quite small and worth it to see you all, or she can be more cautious.

Lots of my people I know (including family members) choosing to take risks, some choosing not to, but if you go ahead at least acknowledge that it is a choice and practice good hygiene.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 19/12/2020 01:42

IF one of your possibly asymptomatic children passed it on to your sister (and god forbid) & she died... how would you feel?

Neither of you will be alone, you both have families. Why not take the worry out if it. Play some games on Skype/zoom - whatever and plan something for the summer!!

Chloemol · 19/12/2020 01:42

There is no way for your sister to know if it’s safe. Your kids could be asymptomatic you don’t know, as if they didn’t get it when you did ithey are still at risk of catching it

If there is no SD then yes she maybe at risk

Personally I wouldn’t be coming to you

username1724 · 19/12/2020 01:43

Well we have just caught covid from BIL who we assumed was safe as he had it a couple of months ago and has been very responsible with social distancing. Hes got it for a second time so you can't be sure, it depends on how you much you've both been isolating and how well you've disinfected your home (I dont know how long it lives on surfaces etc) I'd say you're probably low risk but you really can't rule out catching it again.

TheCrowsHaveEyes · 19/12/2020 01:47

You don't have immunity. You can catch it again. Your DH and DC can catch it. Any or all of you could be asymptomatic.
If you want to ignore all of the above and see your sister, then that's your decision but be clear that you are all taking a risk. Thinking your previous positive and negative tests mean you are safe, is incorrect.

SoWhatNo · 19/12/2020 01:51

There is a risk but it is up to you adults tp decide how much of a risk and if you're happy to take

Yeah, and fuck anyone else you'll come into contact with afterwards. Fuck your colleagues, fuck their family members including anyone clinically vulnerable. Fuck people in the same massive supermarket as you. Or those on the bus with people who have been in the same supermarket as you. Or those in a different massive supermarket with the colleague you've now infected. As long as you're ok with what you're doing that's fine.

Of course what you're proposing isn't safe. There are clinical indications that people can be infected multiple times and can transmit when asymptomatic. There is little reliable data on how long immunity lasts post infection, or even if it does at all.

Knowing this and refusing to take personal responsibility for the possible outcomes of your actions does make you very unreasonable imo.

But you'll probably tell me that your personal circumstances are more important. And that's why we've got 60000 dead and counting.

PercyPiginaWig · 19/12/2020 02:27

@SoWhatNo it is up to these adults to decide, that's the whole point of the Christmas rules relaxation. Plenty of advice saying it's not entirely safe or keep Christmas short, but they are allowed to do it. Some will decide to meet and some won't. That's why I said to OP that it is a choice, as in they look at the rules and their situation and actively choose how to proceed.

Re the 60,000 dead the UK's method of counting is fairly questionable, any death within 28 days of a positive covid test regardless of comorbidities is recorded as a covid death, it doesn't seem like a very reliable method.