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AIBU?

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Original poster

I saw we aren't a risk, DH disagrees

65 replies

RedTights · 18/12/2020 21:43

DH, DS2 and I tested positive for CV19 at the end of Nov. We've all felt pretty rough, but thankfully are on the mend now. No more coughing or fever, just feeling tired and a bit headachey.

DD and DS1 had no symptoms but we all got tested and they were negative. We all self isolated for the 14 days.

Onto Christmas - I haven't seen my sister and family since the summer. They live a few hours away and always come to us for Christmas.

I've said they should come as usual as they can't give it to us and we can't give it to them. I can't believe DS1 and DD either weren't exposed or didn't have it when we did - I think maybe they just didn't have it bad enough to show up on a test.

DH says my sister and family shouldn't come because of 'the risk', but can't explain any more than that.

What do you lot think? Is DH being over cautious or am I being blasé?

We are in tier 3, sister is in tier 2. If they come, there will be zero social distancing and they will be staying over.

OP posts:
SoWhatNo · 19/12/2020 02:34

You're perfectly right of course that in this country we are encouraged to do as you indicate.

I wonder though looking at our death rate and economic performance in comparison to others how wise that is.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should .

1forAll74 · 19/12/2020 02:36

Very foolish to take any risks at all, you are just basing all your own thoughts on this issue, and not understanding all the proper facts at all.

Lavanderrose · 19/12/2020 03:00

It’s been said that asymptomatic people are more likely to return a negative test than those with symptoms. It’s very likely that your 2 other children did have the virus. Also I’ve not come across any evidence that says if you were to catch the virus again that you couldn’t infect others still?

Your Dp is right, there is a risk. Don’t meet if anyone is feeling well, keep rooms ventilated, provide sanitation/lots of hand washing. Try and seat people further away, reduce shared items.

Lavanderrose · 19/12/2020 03:02

Don’t meet if anyone is feeling unwell*.

htbzLlhcR · 19/12/2020 03:23

@redtights I've said they should come as usual as they can't give it to us and we can't give it to them.

But you can catch it twice, so you could get it from them. It's unlikely you'd catch it again so soon, but it's not impossible.

Prozacyogurt · 19/12/2020 03:29

it is up to these adults to decide, that's the whole point of the Christmas rules relaxation

The whole point in the Christmas relaxation of rules is to protect the government from making an unpopular decision.

You know it's not safe to mix. I know it's not safe to mix. But rather than come out and say that the government have decided to pass the buck. And the worst part is masses of arseholes will take the opportunity to mix just because they can.

I just wish there was a way that those who do were the one's to bear the consequences, but undoubtedly we'll all be forced into another full lockdown just so the OP and her ilk can see their friends and family for a few days.

TheWichitaWineOne · 19/12/2020 03:39

The whole point in the Christmas relaxation of rules is to protect the government from making an unpopular decision

You know it's not safe to mix. I know it's not safe to mix. But rather than come out and say that the government have decided to pass the buck. And the worst part is masses of arseholes will take the opportunity to mix just because they can

This is a really good summary of where we are right now.

perditaplum · 19/12/2020 03:42

I've said they should come as usual as they can't give it to us and we can't give it to them.

How can you possibly know this ?

Mypathtriedtokillme · 19/12/2020 05:36

Your DH isn’t actually wrong as it’s possible that your still shedding virus.
They are debating if the shedding is contagious or not but there has been cases of someone asymptomatic shedding active contagious virus for 70 days post infection.

Nicolastuffedone · 19/12/2020 05:41

Should she be coming from a tier 2 area into a tier 3 one?

BethlehemIsInTier1 · 19/12/2020 06:10

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

IF one of your possibly asymptomatic children passed it on to your sister (and god forbid) & she died... how would you feel?

Neither of you will be alone, you both have families. Why not take the worry out if it. Play some games on Skype/zoom - whatever and plan something for the summer!!

Behave yourself ffsHmm
BethlehemIsInTier1 · 19/12/2020 06:12

@SoWhatNo

There is a risk but it is up to you adults tp decide how much of a risk and if you're happy to take

Yeah, and fuck anyone else you'll come into contact with afterwards. Fuck your colleagues, fuck their family members including anyone clinically vulnerable. Fuck people in the same massive supermarket as you. Or those on the bus with people who have been in the same supermarket as you. Or those in a different massive supermarket with the colleague you've now infected. As long as you're ok with what you're doing that's fine.

Of course what you're proposing isn't safe. There are clinical indications that people can be infected multiple times and can transmit when asymptomatic. There is little reliable data on how long immunity lasts post infection, or even if it does at all.

Knowing this and refusing to take personal responsibility for the possible outcomes of your actions does make you very unreasonable imo.

But you'll probably tell me that your personal circumstances are more important. And that's why we've got 60000 dead and counting.

If you are so concerned about this I hope your sat in your house 24/7 and stay there until the pandemic is over.
SuePreem · 19/12/2020 06:38

I agree with @SoWhatNo - yes there's a risk. I think it's incredibly selfish to meet up with anyone now despite the so-called relaxation in the rules. You have no idea whether your DD and DS1 have had it or have got it. You have no idea whether people can get it more than once. And it's not about your sister deciding her level of risk - because it's been shown now that one person is now infecting 11 other people. We are heading for another lockdown which is devastating for people's mental health and the economy.

I think that everyone should just stay at home and reduce the risk of a January lockdown.

alislim · 19/12/2020 06:51

It's not just about you and your immediate family though. It's about your community.
When we really look at it- Christmas is just a day like any other.

Dontjudgeme101 · 19/12/2020 06:52

I agree with your husband.

DivGirl · 19/12/2020 06:57

There isn’t zero risk but the risks of anyone being seriously unwell within your immediate family would be very small.

Mumsnet seems to think gathering in groups gives you Covid but you can’t catch it from someone who doesn’t have it.

I hope you and your sister have a lovely Christmas, whatever you end up doing.

AlternativePerspective · 19/12/2020 07:00

I can't believe DS1 and DD didn't have it when we did. It was impossible to isolate from them and we were coughing a LOT. except they could have caught it much later than you did and stil be infectious.

It looks like the Christmas rules are about to change anyway if you look at the news, but either way no, I wouldn’t risk it.

And my view is actually that if someone doesn’t want to risk it then that is the person whose rights trump everyone else’s.

ThelmaNotLouise · 19/12/2020 07:14

You can't be sure your DC did have it when you did, especially if they tested negative, and you can't be sure they aren't asymptomatic now, as it's bloody rife in schools. But it depends on their ages – are they secondary or primary?

Anyhow, it might be out of your hands – apparently the Govt is considering slapping a travel ban on the SE and London today because of the new virulent strain so they might not be allowed to travel to see you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2020 07:16

@Nicolastuffedone

Should she be coming from a tier 2 area into a tier 3 one?
Tiers are suspended for the 5 days of Christmas. And it’s the other way round, which is frowned upon.
Annebronte · 19/12/2020 07:25

Your sister says she wants to know it’s safe. This simply isn’t possible. We don’t know enough about this relatively new virus for anyone, even an epidemiologist, to know she’ll be safe.

SarahMused · 19/12/2020 07:42

Every year we risk passing winter bugs to each other, yet in the past we carried on socialising often even when we had symptoms. The question is, given that risk has always been deemed acceptable, are you more likely to pass on or catch Covid than other illnesses in the past and also are you likely to get seriously ill or die from it. Given the fact that one household has had Covid, your risk of catching or spreading it is minimal. The number of confirmed reinfections is tiny especially within the timescale you mention.
It it were me, I would go ahead with your plans with the proviso that if anyone develops symptoms beforehand you cancel. Nothing is totally risk free, but what you are planning is minimal risk to any of you. Some of the comments here are not rational. It is not possible to totally eliminate the chance of catching covid. People have to do what they can to reduce their risk to a level that is acceptable to them.

Covidnomore · 19/12/2020 07:48

Your DH thinks its a risk and your DS is undecided.

Sounds as if a few are concerned.

You do not know if your children have had it. The risk is there from that. No denying it.

You can chose to ignore the risk, but please don't deny it is there.

Comtesse · 19/12/2020 08:02

Nothing is truly risk free. Given the circumstances you describe, I would probably fo ahead.

Bonkerz · 19/12/2020 08:08

It's very confusing. Kings college hospital released a paper that said they believed people who had had covid were unlikely to catch it again within 3 months of a positive test and were also no longer infectious after 10-14 days.

This statement is available on google I found it quite quickly.

It's caused me some issues though as within a week of going back my DS who was positive but asymptomatic had to isolate again. We actually haven't totally because I believe he's not a risk. He hasn't been poorly etc

It also means even if my whole family did get a sore throat (only symptom of covid we all had) we wouldn't be tested again.

We are not going out and still wearing masks etc but feel we are safe for a little while.

I also read that the people who 'tested +' a second time for covid were actually people who just had a false positive because you can test positive for weeks after a case without being infectious.

No one really knows.

My step daughter is coming here for Christmas. She hasn't had covid but we all have. She knows the risks although we are all staying home now to 'isolate' for her.

pilates · 19/12/2020 08:10

Absolutely bonkers to even consider it

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