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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I saw we aren't a risk, DH disagrees

65 replies

RedTights · 18/12/2020 21:43

DH, DS2 and I tested positive for CV19 at the end of Nov. We've all felt pretty rough, but thankfully are on the mend now. No more coughing or fever, just feeling tired and a bit headachey.

DD and DS1 had no symptoms but we all got tested and they were negative. We all self isolated for the 14 days.

Onto Christmas - I haven't seen my sister and family since the summer. They live a few hours away and always come to us for Christmas.

I've said they should come as usual as they can't give it to us and we can't give it to them. I can't believe DS1 and DD either weren't exposed or didn't have it when we did - I think maybe they just didn't have it bad enough to show up on a test.

DH says my sister and family shouldn't come because of 'the risk', but can't explain any more than that.

What do you lot think? Is DH being over cautious or am I being blasé?

We are in tier 3, sister is in tier 2. If they come, there will be zero social distancing and they will be staying over.

OP posts:

Sally872 · 19/12/2020 08:18

I think your logic makes sense, but I think the plans have to suit the most cautious person so I wouldn't have them over.

Unless you suspect dh is using covid as an excuse not to have dsis visit I might me more likely to talk him round. If he or dsis are genuinely worried I would leave it.

Calmandmeasured1 · 19/12/2020 08:21

I can't believe DS1 and DD either weren't exposed or didn't have it when we did - I think maybe they just didn't have it bad enough to show up on a test.
It doesn't matter what you believe. There is proof that just because one household member contracts the virus, not all will.

I've said they should come as usual as they can't give it to us and we can't give it to them.
Although not common, it is known that you can contract the virus twice. In addition, the virus has mutated and scientists believe it is now 50% more contagious.

I would not see my family in these circumstances.

babymummy2021 · 19/12/2020 08:22

@SarahMused

Every year we risk passing winter bugs to each other, yet in the past we carried on socialising often even when we had symptoms. The question is, given that risk has always been deemed acceptable, are you more likely to pass on or catch Covid than other illnesses in the past and also are you likely to get seriously ill or die from it. Given the fact that one household has had Covid, your risk of catching or spreading it is minimal. The number of confirmed reinfections is tiny especially within the timescale you mention. It it were me, I would go ahead with your plans with the proviso that if anyone develops symptoms beforehand you cancel. Nothing is totally risk free, but what you are planning is minimal risk to any of you. Some of the comments here are not rational. It is not possible to totally eliminate the chance of catching covid. People have to do what they can to reduce their risk to a level that is acceptable to them.

Well said. So many comments here are irrational. Useless you literally don't leave the house or even accept a delivery, there is risk. What you're planning OP isn't extreme whatsoever, especially if it's within the government guidelines. If you're extremely, extremely worried- get everyone to take a private covid test 5 days before they visit and then get everyone to self isolate for 5 days. However, you'll still run a risk of catching covid from any deliveries you might get or any shopping that you didn't wipe down and disinfect properly or even walking past that stranger on your daily walk... if you think like this, then just shut yourself away completely...

IdblowJonSnow · 19/12/2020 08:25

What ages are all the adults?
It's not risk free but likely a lesser risk than if you'd not had it? Although maybe not with the new strain.

cherryblossomx3 · 19/12/2020 08:26

OP I agree with you that the risk is tiny. if you tested positive at the end of november that will be nearly a month when Christmas day is here.

it is up to your sister ultimately.

cologne4711 · 19/12/2020 08:31

Of course what you're proposing isn't safe. There are clinical indications that people can be infected multiple times and can transmit when asymptomatic. There is little reliable data on how long immunity lasts post infection, or even if it does at all

My mum had it in November and is coming to visit us. There is little evidence of people getting it twice on a mass scale - the reason it's newsworthy when someone does is because it's so rare, not because it's common.

As for spreading it far and wide, in the unlikely event she is still infectious and gave it to us, we'd be hard pushed to spread it to anyone else because we don't see anyone else indoors as we work from home and I am guessing ds' college will be online for the first week in January again (and was online all this week too).

Stop assuming everyone works in crowded environments and has half a dozen elderly relatives in the same street. Most don't and it's perfectly legitimate to make your own risk assessment.

Covidnomore · 19/12/2020 08:36

cologne thats a different situation.

If both my parents had had Covid I may be going to see them this Xmas.

Op lives in a household where 60% have had Covid, 40 % not. She may think they have had it, but they tested negative and never had any symptoms.

So its not really correct to say there is no risk. Its not even correct to say the risk is so tiny because you are unlikely to catch Covid again.

2 members of the household have not had it!

babymummy2021 · 19/12/2020 08:36

@cologne4711

Stop assuming everyone works in crowded environments and has half a dozen elderly relatives in the same street. Most don't and it's perfectly legitimate to make your own risk assessment.

Again, a very rational response. Re-infection is rare, but they also don't know how long protection lasts or when it starts. Technically you may not be protected yet, but it's highly unlikely that's the case. It's also an unknown if you could get it again and pass it on whilst you have no symptoms. Again, these are such far flung possibilities, I would not worry about. All I would do is continue to socially distance and be very careful regardless of the fact you have had it. That way all should be well. Nothing is 100 percent safe in life ever.

nosswith · 19/12/2020 08:46

No you should not.

No-one will be alone this Christmas as a result, and there is a risk.

HighSpecWhistle · 19/12/2020 08:54

Your info is wrong.

How do you know you can't still transmit it?

You have no evidence to say your two kids had it last time. You're assuming that even though they tested negative. They're still a risk.

There definitely is still a risk. Whether you want to take that is up to everyone involved.

Cam77 · 19/12/2020 09:04

@PercyPiginaWig
There is no entirely “reliable” way of measuring it. The nearest thing to an objective measure in any country (not just the UK) is looking excess deaths (or lack of) measured over usually a five year period.
This was done earlier in the summer, and the stats all pointed to the UK undercounting not overcounting. The real cost is likely to be in the official range stated, even allowing for the fact that some people may have died having not got timely treatment for other illnesses.

SoupDragon · 19/12/2020 09:42

We all self isolated for the 14 days.

Surely the two who tested negative could have caught it towards the end of that though.

TonMoulin · 19/12/2020 10:25

Just a comment about antibodies possiblly not lasting very long
You do realise that if this is the case then we also have no protection from the vaccine?

Notsofast1 · 19/12/2020 10:48

@MrsSleepyHB

My BIL is a key worker and has had it 3 times since march (3 seperate positive tests months apart), albeit hasn't been more poorly than a cold with each, so you can definitely get it again"

The chances are he hasnt caught the virus 3 times, its more likely that he actually hasnt got the immune response to fight it off and has therefore been positive the entire time. Did he have negative swabs in between? We are seeing this a lot with our hospital inpatients (I work on intensive care). Our patients get tested routinely every 5 days, some have taken 40 days or more to get a negative swab result as they just havent amounted the immune response to fight it off.

I would personally be quite wary of staying with anyone within a month of having the virus, as per my point above it takes a varying amount of time to actually test negative so just because you feel ok doesnt mean you're not going to infect them. Not completely the same but I had norovirus one year, went to see my sister and parents 2 full weeks after I had recovered and they all caught it!! And I'd been back at work over a week! My poor sister was 20 weeks pregnant so was horrendously ill. I still feel terrible about it

MrsSleepyHB · 19/12/2020 19:15

@Notsofast1 ooh I'm not too sure if I'm honest but that could certainly be the case!

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