AIBU that Love Actually makes me want to poke my eyes out? Light hearted.

[Mapletreelane]

Don't get me wrong, I love a good Christmas flick. But I'm seeing a lot of love on social media for Love Actually. Am I the only one who finds it cringey; it stereotypes Britain as posh and middle class, and Hugh Grant's dancing PM is just....horrendously embarrassing, not funny? It has a wealth of our greatest acting talent who manage to sound unnatural and unfunny. Give me Elf any day (And I am not a Will Ferrell fan). I'm seeing so much love for it and I just cannot see the attraction!

YABU- Get a life. Love Actually is one of the greatest Xmas films ever

YANBU - it is a cringefest akin to nails scraping on a blackboard (for those of you old enough to know what a blackboard is)

Any good romance is going to be both realistic and unrealistic.

Realistic because good art, even just a film that isn't too serious, hoas to get at something true to be worthwhile. Where you go "ah, yes, that's how that is".

But romance by definition is unrealistic. It doesn't mean sitting at the table with a rose and feeling lovey-dovey, it means it in the sense of romanticism. That is, an artistic movement that concentrates on subjective experience, and emotion. A story that is romantic doesn't have to be realistic in every way.

So the story about the author and cleaner who don't speak the same language and seem ver different is about how we can connect with someone in a way that transcends language and other seeming barriers. In that instance, it's about the little things, showing consideration for the other, a kind of quiet domestic harmony, watching on a daily basis how someone is in themselves. It's not a realistic situation, it's over the top, but the basic idea is true, there is something powerful about that kind of connection and it can reveal things that talking distracts from.

Or the sex pest - yes, we all recognise this guy. And also that his idea seems crazy, to find a girl in America who will like him because of his accent. But on the other hand, we all know there is a bit of truth to the idea that people respond to superficial things like accents - it's why they are used in films to make characters more or less likeable. So just his accent could change perception of him in a different cultural context, in this case from a sex pest to exotic. The over the top way it happens allows us to laugh at how absurd that is. Not just about him - he's not real - but about human beings in general and attraction and how illogical it can be

So just his accent could change perception of him in a different cultural context, in this case from a sex pest to exotic

Could also make fug British guys think they're irresistable to hot American women.

In that instance, it's about the little things, showing consideration for the other, a kind of quiet domestic harmony

"Domestic harmony" when one (obviously the woman) is in a humble low-paid job and he is her boss?

I don't know that I believe in "problematic" films, at least unless the problem is actually just that it's untruthful.

I haven’t seen anyone saying films should never feature characters who don’t behave perfectly or aren’t as nice as they could be. But it’s the fact that these stories are presented as lovely, happy outcomes when they’re clearly not.

But sure, everyone wants to moan about a mainstream feel-good movie because they're far too cool for it.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but it’s nothing to do with being ‘too cool’ for it for. I love Four Weddings, despite its obvious flaws. I just think Love Actually is a bit crap.

@BaconAndAvocado

YANBU The only good thread in LA is the Emma Thompsn one. It always breaks my heart when she open the present.

so true.. gut wrenching

@IcedPurple

So just his accent could change perception of him in a different cultural context, in this case from a sex pest to exotic

Could also make fug British guys think they're irresistable to hot American women.

In that instance, it's about the little things, showing consideration for the other, a kind of quiet domestic harmony

"Domestic harmony" when one (obviously the woman) is in a humble low-paid job and he is her boss?

Do you think people from different walks of life can't love each other? Or people never have relationships with their bosses unless they are exploitative?

I don't personally think cleaners or domestic workers are "lower" in any way, it's good respectable work. They can be taken advantage of, but that is clearly not what is going on n that case, he's quite aware of not being overbearing and is even diffident at the beginning. That seems to be one of the things she likes about him.

The way the story is shown is that they spend a lot of time in each others presence, because they are both in the same house all day, and because they can't speak or chat they are quiet, largely. That's why the set-up is like that - it needs to be people who spend time in a domestic situation and yet the normal means of communication aren't really open to them.

So all the focus is on the other things that people have and notice about each other. Which they do, and they miss them when he leaves.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

I don't know that I believe in "problematic" films, at least unless the problem is actually just that it's untruthful.

I haven’t seen anyone saying films should never feature characters who don’t behave perfectly or aren’t as nice as they could be. But it’s the fact that these stories are presented as lovely, happy outcomes when they’re clearly not.

But sure, everyone wants to moan about a mainstream feel-good movie because they're far too cool for it.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but it’s nothing to do with being ‘too cool’ for it for. I love Four Weddings, despite its obvious flaws. I just think Love Actually is a bit crap.

I don't think they are all presented as lovely and happy. I'm not sure how that could be even on the face of it - several of the stories are quite sad, and the ET one is bordering on tragic.

Do you think people from different walks of life can't love each other?

Not if they can't speak to one another, no.

I don't think they are all presented as lovely and happy.

I didn’t say ALL of them. But Colin Firth’s proposal to a woman who doesn’t even understand him is greeted with joy by her family; Keira Knightley smiles indulgently at her husband’s best mate pretty much stalking her, rather than saying ‘WTF?’ and running?

@IcedPurple

So just his accent could change perception of him in a different cultural context, in this case from a sex pest to exotic

Could also make fug British guys think they're irresistable to hot American women.

In that instance, it's about the little things, showing consideration for the other, a kind of quiet domestic harmony

"Domestic harmony" when one (obviously the woman) is in a humble low-paid job and he is her boss?

And while it would have been perfectly credible for Annoying Colin to have found an American woman who overlooked his fundamental irritatingness because she liked his accent, the fact that he walks into a bar and finds not one but four women who look like models, fawn all over him, and immediately invite him home to their shared bed, in which (they say poutingly) they will all be naked because they’re poor. Or something. And one comes home with him, and he even imports a spare for his friend. It’s about as subtle a take on women as male sexual fantasy as Bill Nighy’s take on the Robert Palmer video.

And it would have been a hell of a lot more amusing if it wasn’t in a film in which middle-aged/late middle-aged men keep bagging women decades younger and hotter.

Imagine having Emma Thompson’s character shag her twentysomething male employee while Alan Rickman stoically cries in the bedroom, or a female PM hitting on the tea boy, or an older female novelist appreciatively watching her foreign male cleaner strip off and jump in the lake. And then imagine a middle-aged woman showing up at a restaurant abroad, and asking the waiter, with whom she’s never had a conversation, to marry her. Whole different dynamic. ‘Deluded menopausal women buying a younger foreign hottie.’

And what about if Laura Linsey showed up at a newly-married Karl’s door to declare her love, complete with rehearsed music and cue cards. No one would think it was romantic, they would think it was obsessive and creepy and talk about bunny-boilers.

@sammylady37

I dislike the storyline of the girl in his office who was in love with her colleague but never quite got the chance for happiness. hmm very annoying

I find that storyline very poignant and I think there’s something really bittersweet about it. It shows the huge burden that caring for a loved one with severe mental illness can be. I feel so sad for this woman that she didn’t get to live the life she wanted because of her love for her brother and all the sacrifices that entailed, yet it highlights the depth of her love for him. It brings a tear to my eye every time I watch it.

I've never understood why that had to spell the end of their fledgling relationship. Why couldn't her colleague have invited her on a date the following day or something?

And it would have been a hell of a lot more amusing if it wasn’t in a film in which middle-aged/late middle-aged men keep bagging women decades younger and hotter.

This is it I think.

Taken on their own, you could argue that this or that storyline isn't so bad. But taken as a whole, there's a definite theme of young, hot women being there for the amusement of older, less attractive, more high status men. It's not romantic or 'modern' just because middle class Lahndahn folk say 'fuck' a lot.

The whole point of the Colin story is that we are all expecting him to end up in America looking a complete fool, and come slinking home with his tail between his legs. The opposite happens, and the predictable comic storyline has a twist. To his and everyone's amazement, for once in his life, he's right! But he's definitely in thrall to those girls - they call the shots.

And that would be (mildly) amusing, @Clawdy, if it wasn’t in a film that features middle-aged or conventionally comparatively unattractive men continually getting beautiful younger women way out of their league. Even the little boy is a strange, puckish little creature with his sights set on a ravishingly pretty and talented girl, while his saggy stepdad bags Claudia Schiffer.

@HopeTheHeraldAngelsSing

Only on MN could Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth and Alan Rickman (if about 20 years ago!) be derided for being unattractive saggy old men 😂

I know! Only on here!

It's not about whether you think they're hot or not, it's about cultural ideas about older men being entitled to much younger women to the extent that it's entirely normalised. Look at the age gaps this film has cast as normal --

Alan Rickman (born 1946) shags Heike Makatsch (born 1971)

Liam Neeson (born 1952) gets Claudia Schiffer (born 1970)

Colin Firth (born 1960) has both Sienna Guillory (born 1975) and Lucia Moniz (born 1976)

Hugh Grant (born 1960) gets Martine McCutcheon (born 1976)

Bill Nighy's (born 1949) latest girlfriend at the end is played by someone born in 1974

And entirely coincidental that the only women in the cast who are of roughly the same generation as these actors, Emma Thompson (born 1959) and Laura Linney (born 1964), are both the ones whose stories end sadly.

@Djouce, exactly, it's everywhere. Just watched The Water Diviner, where 56yo widower gets together with widow Olga Kurylenko who is 15 years younger.

@Djouce

It's not about whether you think they're hot or not, it's about cultural ideas about older men being entitled to much younger women to the extent that it's entirely normalised. Look at the age gaps this film has cast as normal --

Alan Rickman (born 1946) shags Heike Makatsch (born 1971)

Liam Neeson (born 1952) gets Claudia Schiffer (born 1970)

Colin Firth (born 1960) has both Sienna Guillory (born 1975) and Lucia Moniz (born 1976)

Hugh Grant (born 1960) gets Martine McCutcheon (born 1976)

Bill Nighy's (born 1949) latest girlfriend at the end is played by someone born in 1974

And entirely coincidental that the only women in the cast who are of roughly the same generation as these actors, Emma Thompson (born 1959) and Laura Linney (born 1964), are both the ones whose stories end sadly.

Exactly.

And the only female character lauded for her beauty is the 17 year old Keira Knightley.

If it were one or two storylines with older men getting with much younger, hotter and lower status women, then maybe OK. But when the whole film is along those lines, it amazes me that people still deny that it's sexist.

And don't tell me that these plot lines are 'realistic'. In the real world, most couples are aged within 5 years of one another, and age gaps of more than 15 years are quite unusual.

YANBU.
Its pretty bad and cringey in places.

YADDDNBU! Hated it the first time around. You can put The Holiday in that bucket too.
Anyone for a screening of Die Hard? 😂

Anyone for a screening of Die Hard?

Well I definitely prefer Hans to Harry!

I love it.

However. The relationships in it aren’t healthy at all

Alan Rick an who had an affair. Who leaves emma Thompson (who I want as my best friend in real life! Emma if you read mumsnet. Message me! )

Or thingy who gets married and his best friend tries to have w go?! I mean who would keep them as a best friend if they tried it on with your wife?!?

But the guy never finds out his best friend loves his wife!
What was the bit someone said Bill Nighy had a girlfriend in it? Don't remember that at all.

At the end, at the airport, he introduces her to his manager as Greta or something

Colin Firth’s proposal to a woman who doesn’t even understand him is greeted with joy by her family

But the point is that they both go away and learn the other's language. There are various scenes of Firth learning Portuguese so that he can go over and tell her how he feels. He takes a punt on that, and there is no hint that he's going to do anything awful if she says "sorry, nope". But the reality is that, in her own words "just in case" [you turn up] she has been learning English.

The only thing about that story, as with all the others, is the age gap - and that isn't a Love Actually problem, it is a film industry problem and we should all push back and comment on that and give feedback at that until they start to be a bit more realistic.

The only mention, btw, about Kiera Knightly being pretty is when she says it about herself and some of the comments on this thread about her being so up herself show why other women don't go round saying "oh, how gorgeous am i?"