To be nervous about sleep training DD 13.5 months tonight?

[JalapenoCheeseOnToast]

I'm on my knees here. I get barely any sleep because she cries (for no reason) overnight most nights and even when she has gone back to sleep, I really struggle. To get her to sleep, me or DH sit by her cot with a hand on her back/head or she holds it and wait until we can creep out - this can take between 10 and 60 minutes! She has a white noise playing for 30 mins and a Ewan sheep that shushes her too. I never envisaged it being difficult, DS was great at sleeping and I've thought about sleep training before but couldn't hack it (I felt physically sick listening to DD crying).

DH goes away with work and after a 2 week stint recently, I am at my wits end, and he is due to go away again for 6-7 weeks at the beginning of Jan. I'm off work for Christmas and so is DH now so this seems like a great time.....but I feel awful!

Does anyone have any positive vibes or success stories for me of sleep training a 12+ month old?!

I've done this twice both at 12 mo the. It was hard the first night but the second night both times was easier and by the third night they would chat for about five minutes then go to sleep and sleep through.

Good luck 🤞

@jellybe do you mind me asking what method you used? I was thinking of controlled crying (2 mins, 4 mins etc) but I'm just so nervous! I hate DD being sad but I need my life back a bit

It is normal for babies to cry at night. You are her safe place.
You are biologically programmed to respond when she cries, that's probably why you feel sick.
If you don't want to cry it out (and it doesn't sound like you do) you could consider the gradual retreat method.
It takes longer but you are always with baby to reassure them.
Essentially stay with baby until they fall asleep, but move gradually further away towards the door every few nights. Eventually you can be outside the door, and hopefully by then they will be able to drop off alone.

DD would scream all night I could hear the people above us being woken. I did cc like this:
Shush and pat for 20 secs
Leave room for 2 mins
Shush snd pat for 20 secs
Leave room for 4 mins
Etc
She started to settle herself really quickly (so actually there was very little crying that night as she started to soothe herself knowing ibwould come back)
Now she only screams like blue murder once or twice a night

We were in the same position about the same age, so desperate for sleep. We went to the HV sleep clinic and they said to leave him for 5 mins, go in then settle, then 6 mins, 7 mins etc.

It took us about a week to get him going down to bed awake at 7pm, he cried for a few mins only each time though, by the 2nd week he tried to cry a bit but it lasted a few second, by 10 days he was happy going to bed awake.

During the night we thought it would take ages but on the first night he cried for 5 mins, then 6,then . We went in each time and settled him by giving him back his dummy and sshhhing him. Got to about 6 mins of the 8 mins and he went quiet. He never woke in the night again.

We wished we'd done it sooner.

@lockdownlumpy thank you! Unfortunately the way DD's room is, I would be constantly next to the cot as she sleeps by the door (no other way to set out her room) so I'm not sure that would help. I'm definitely not up for just crying it out but I'm hoping controlled crying might be a little easier to swallow (especially as she is a little older and I've had a bit more experience of her throwing some tantrums and crying fits now - when I tried before, she was such a happy content baby that her crying was so out of characted and it was horrid)

That was with DS1. With DS from 8 weeks we put him down awake and sat outside the door. We wouldn't have left him to cry at that age but we felt more confident 2nd time round, he made a few noises and rather than going in instantly like we did with DS1 we sat there and listened. He half heartedly cried for about 10 seconds, then made some sleep noises for about 20 seconds then that was it. With DS1 we would have been in there settling him, and also we rocked him to sleep first which meant he would wake up and probably be shocked that no one was there cuddling him.

You probably already tried, but maybe leave the white noise on all night?

@cdstjooyv its a great idea and I haven't tried although her sheep has a sensor so he shushes if she starts crying. I have been thinking of investing in a constant white noise instead so may do that to help, thank you

Thank you everyone as well for your messages, think I'll go for a short interval to start and the pat and shush. Fingers crossed!

Personally I found the sheep to be hit and miss as to if he’d turn on so found a mains operated white noise machine. I have a 2 and a 1 year old and they have it on for naps and bedtimes - no idea how I’ll wean them off it yet but that’s later mes problem 😂

We sleep trained our 12 month old. I found he got more upset during gradual retreat and would cry for ages, calm when reassured, and cry again when we left getting more hysterical - so we did CIO and after 2 nights he was perfect. He sleeps through now and has ever since. Good luck - it’s horrible hearing them cry, but they deserve to be able to sleep and it’s our job to get them there x

This is hard - only on a 6 minute interval now and she is very sad :)

:( !!! Not a happy face

Just wanted to reassure controlled crying, 2mins, 4mins, etc worked well and quickly for us too. Make sure no talk or eye contact as I did by accident a few times and clearly saw the alerting effect. She only cried for longer periods a couple of times and we never went more than 10-15mins without going in to her, but otherwise she mainly just settled after 2 or 3 times of us going in. I empathise though. It was awful thinking of her going to sleep upset. I absolutely hated listening to her cry and would sit feeling anxious listening, fingers in my ears and watching the time. But once it’s done it’s done and it is so much better. Our LO now happily chatters herself off to sleep. Next dreaded transition is out of the cot

Please don't do this, there is so much information out there now that says how bad it is. See eg here:

thebeyondsleeptrainingproject.com/artricles-to-read-when/you-are-on-the-verge-of-desperation-and-considering-sleep-training

We did CC at 15 months and it worked after 2 nights. My son was like yours, we had retreated so that we just had our hands on his back while he went to sleep, so when we left him he only cried for a few mins before settling because he was basically used to lying in bed and going to sleep it was just the hand he had to loose.
Wished we'd done it sooner. Sleep deprivation was affecting my MH. Everyone is so much happier with sleep and like PP I will do things a lot differently next time.
Keep going - it will be better for all of you x

OP, would you consider other methods? I know how tiring it is when they don't sleep but it goes against your instincts for a reason.

I read research that showed they are just as distressed as they would be if there were crying but they don't waste their energy crying as they know no one is coming.

www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/cry-it-out/ is definitely worth a read

controlled crying is cruel. YABU

The best book I ever read was 'The sensational baby sleep plan'. It was a life saver.
All 5 of my children slept through the night (12hours!) thanks to this book.

I bought it after looking it up on the internet when I had my first baby as I was massively sleep deprived and getting seriously depressed . It honestly saved my life and I recommend it to all my friends.
Carly Cole (footballers wife) had a sleep training lady 'the magic sleep fairy' come to her house to sleep train her child after a year of not sleeping. The book is basically the techniques used.
Here is a link to the article:

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2002536/Carly-Cole-footballer-husband-Joe-called-baby-whisperer-toddler-Ruby.html

It would take 3 hours to get my son to sleep each night it was hell. We worked with a sleep consultant and did CC going in every couple mins to shush and pat. It took 3 nights and he has been a wonderful happy sleeper ever since is happy to go to bed and wakes up smiling. He sleeps for ages and really loves his cot so defo no damage. He was 12m when we did it.

I did controlled crying at 14 months. Best thing I ever did and I wish I did it sooner.

Some people say it's cruel but I would say it would be more cruel to have DS sleeping on the streets because I lost my job and couldn't pay the mortgage due to sleep deprivation rendering me completely incompetent. Or less extreme; not having the energy, patience, mental or physical wellbeing to look after him properly.

Oxygen mask situation: you can't look after a baby unless you look after yourself first. And I couldn't function on 3 hours sleep a night. Hats off to anyone that can but we all have our limits and I wasn't coping at all.

Sleep training was hard but best thing we did - think of the short term pain and long term gain - your life will change massively and you'll feel alive again with sleep!

We did Ferber method with my second and gentle/ gradual method with my first

Ferber method definitely got quicker results and overall less painful

Currently sat outside my almost 2 year olds room doing sleep training. She's going through a phase of refusing bedtime so out come the big guns.

She is crying, but she is safe and will be ok.