To be nervous about sleep training DD 13.5 months tonight?

[JalapenoCheeseOnToast]

I'm on my knees here. I get barely any sleep because she cries (for no reason) overnight most nights and even when she has gone back to sleep, I really struggle. To get her to sleep, me or DH sit by her cot with a hand on her back/head or she holds it and wait until we can creep out - this can take between 10 and 60 minutes! She has a white noise playing for 30 mins and a Ewan sheep that shushes her too. I never envisaged it being difficult, DS was great at sleeping and I've thought about sleep training before but couldn't hack it (I felt physically sick listening to DD crying).

DH goes away with work and after a 2 week stint recently, I am at my wits end, and he is due to go away again for 6-7 weeks at the beginning of Jan. I'm off work for Christmas and so is DH now so this seems like a great time.....but I feel awful!

Does anyone have any positive vibes or success stories for me of sleep training a 12+ month old?!

You definitely need continuous white noise. Get a machine or a decent speaker.

We sleep trained much younger at 8 months and it was hard but results were pretty fast. We used Lucy Wolf's stay and support method so never left the room or left him crying alone.

He now rolls over and goes to sleep in 1-2minutes of being put down, singing and chuckling. Before sleeptraining it was 30minutes of rocking a screaming baby every 1-2hours.

Getting the wake windows sorted and a solid routine with easy obvious cues is half the battle.

We did CC at 14mo with DD(6) and 8mo with DS(2). Best thing we ever did, both times. They were waking every 30-45mins and I was hallucinating. I procrastinated with DD but with DS a couple of years later, I knew I couldn't go through it again, and that it would help. Three nights each and it was done. Both of mine sleep 11-12hrs a night, only waking if they actually need something.

We did 1min intervals, never got over 8mins. We did agree that if we reached 10 then we'd just do 10min intervals, but it never got that far.

Nobody WANTS to do CC! But if it works then it'll change your life, including that of your baby. My two were so so so much happier when they started getting a full night instead of waking up every half an hour and needing rocking for half an hour, etc. Best of luck, OP.

Update: so I went in at 2, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 10 minutes and after the first 10 mins she went off and has been asleep for about 45 minutes now. It was very difficult emotionally but not overall as difficult as I was anticipating.

I do really appreciate everyone's comments, positive and negative. I have not taken the decision to sleep train lightly but at this point my MH is taking a severe battering and I need to alleviate something. DH is very supportive and a wonderful father but due to his job I am quite often an acting single mother and I am also neglecting DS9 due to the time it takes to get DD to bed - he hardly every gets any 1:1 time because often it is his bedtime once I'm done. DD not sleeping well is no good for her either and I can see that in the mornings when she is tired and I'm having to rush her around to get ready for work (out by 7:30am) so I truly believe this will be best all around.

Thank you for all the messages

Hope it's going ok OP.

We did the gradual method with little crying at 6 months and DS was happy to put himself to sleep. But a friend who used a sleep consultant did say that as they get closer to a year, the gradual method is more hit and miss and CC gets better results.

Going in and frequently reassuring her that you're still there is all she needs.

A well rested mama is far better for her child than a sleep deprived one at the end of her fuse.

Hope it's going ok

Sleep training was the best thing we did for our baby. There was crying - but there was crying when we were constantly with her, too.

A few nights later she started going to sleep, and staying asleep, perfectly. And she was far happier in the day from being well rested.

Emily Ostler's book Crib Sheet reviewed all the scientific evidence and showed absolutely no harm from sleep training. Lots of the people who claim it's harmful look at children who have been seriously neglected (often in Romanian orphanages) and extrapolate from that. Clearly leaving a loved baby in a cot for a few minutes at a time is nothing like that.

Well done OP. Stay strong, even when it works there can be set backs just try to stay consistent. Let us know how the rest of the night goes.

We never needed sleep training, but there have been phases when it was hard to get our baby to sleep, and I have observed 2 things: firstly they are not always upset when they are crying, sometimes they just want their own way (can easily tell as they are instantly fine when they get what they want, whereas genuinely upset it takes a while to stop sobbing) in which case as soon as they realise you mean it when you say it's bed time, they settle down quite quickly, so it's really important to be consistent so they don't get confused and stay upset longer. Secondly, a child who goes to bed happy, sleeps well and wakes up happy is a generally happy child.
Obviously every parent and child is different (and I would have found it really hard to listen to my child crying so glad I never had to do it!) but I don't think it's doing a child any favours to have them still waking up several times a night needing mum when they are into their toddler years. Parents need to find a way of helping their baby learn to sleep well, using the method that suits them best.

Good luck with it :) I also have a 12 month old who struggles with sleep! We have tried the Feber method and it worked pretty quickly for self settling at bedtime but didn’t work for the night wake ups.

I do think unless you are seriously sleep deprived you can’t appreciate the need for a proper nights sleep and nobody sleep trains unless they really have to for their own sanity.

[quote JalapenoCheeseOnToast]@jellybe do you mind me asking what method you used? I was thinking of controlled crying (2 mins, 4 mins etc) but I'm just so nervous! I hate DD being sad but I need my life back a bit[/quote]
We did cry it out with the increased time of leaving them. It was tough but worked.

Just read you up date well done! Honestly it gets easier. My two sleep like a dream now (wish we'd done it with our eldest too but didn't have the pressure with them as only child etc.)

They both happily go to bed, play or chat to sleep (they share a room) rarely wake in the night and are generally very secure and happy little chickens.

Good morning everyone, DD slept through all night! First night for ages she hasn't cried and she woke up naturally and happily at 6:30am :) feeling so positive this morning, thank you for everyone's help :)

@JalapenoCheeseOnToast great news. Hopefully you feel well rested too!

Amazing news!!! Well done to both of you

Amazing!🎉 it will just keep getting easier from here.

Youve done it!! Good on ya.
She is 13 months. She might seem small but is old enough for sleep training.

So happy for you! Long may it continue 🍷

I'm so pleased for you @JalapenoCheeseOnToast!

It makes me so angry when people try to make mums feel guilty on threads like this. As a PP said, no one wants to sleep train and of course it's normal for babies to cry at night.

But we live in the 21st century, mums like OP likely have busy jobs, other children and other demands on their time. It's simply not possible to function with no sleep, or horrible broken sleep as you try to fit in with your baby's sleep patterns.

Learning to sleep is a really important life skill, and is horribly undervalued by many. And some methods (I did CC, took 3 nights for example) are quick and therefore relatively painless. Certainly less crying overall than doing nothing. DD would go to bed with pleasure and at 7yrs old has always absolutely loved her bed.

We did cry it out. I spent 3 nights on the floor outside her door going shhhhhh until she fell asleep. Only going in if I thought she had hurt herself against the cot.

Shes a perfect sleeper now.

Thats fantastic news! Well done

Sleep training lol, why do people dress it up with such a name, it’s effectively leaving your child to cry until they realise you aren’t coming back, training indeed. I’m not sure how anyone does it? We just co-slept if they woke up crying or wouldn’t settle, it was tough having disturbed sleep with them in the bed wriggling/taking up space but I preferred that to leaving them to cry alone. Once our children started nursery they started to sleep perfectly anyway (they still creep in in the night sometimes aged 3 and 4 but we don’t mind). I’m glad we didn’t leave them to cry, if your child is crying it means they want something, even if it is just you to make them feel safe.

Good for you TisTheSeasonToEatLots glad your way worked for you but doesn't mean its the only way

You aren't leaving them and not coming back, its literally a few mins and you are reassuring them.

Some people do not want to co-sleep due to the risks, and don't bother telling me how safe it is as I categoricallyknow different, I certainly wouldn't do t with a tiny baby and personally I would judge someone for that but would absolutely not say it to them as each to their own.

And I was given the advice by a medical professional but glad to hear that some random on MN knows better. Bit like all the FB vaccine experts I guess!

Well done OP, I'm so pleased she had a good night (and I hope you did too).

We all parent different. There is no right or wrong way, even though most of us would like to think our way is right. lol. I personally think sleep schedules start in the beginning as infants. When children co-sleep I notice they have a very hard time learning to sleep on their own when the time comes. Both of my boys slept in their cribs all alone by 8 months, I kept them on a routine. Now if that was not the case I would of had no problem letting them cry it out. Just because a child is crying, it doesn't mean they necessarily need you. Children are very smart, even at the age of 12 months. Your child is not going to melt because their tears are overflowing and they aren't going to hate you because you didn't come into their room to soothe them every five seconds. This is one reason it is very important to help your children learn to self soothe. Not trying to be mean about what I'm saying I just feel sometimes as moms we need to learn how to not let our emotions control how we raise our children

@TisTheSeasonToEatLots it’s not leaving your child until they realise you’re not coming back? It’s consistently and repeatedly going back to your child until they realise that you’re there responding to them but will keep going away again as it’s time to sleep. The OP went in every minute, then every 2 minutes. Don’t make her feel bad.