To be nervous about sleep training DD 13.5 months tonight?

[JalapenoCheeseOnToast]

I'm on my knees here. I get barely any sleep because she cries (for no reason) overnight most nights and even when she has gone back to sleep, I really struggle. To get her to sleep, me or DH sit by her cot with a hand on her back/head or she holds it and wait until we can creep out - this can take between 10 and 60 minutes! She has a white noise playing for 30 mins and a Ewan sheep that shushes her too. I never envisaged it being difficult, DS was great at sleeping and I've thought about sleep training before but couldn't hack it (I felt physically sick listening to DD crying).

DH goes away with work and after a 2 week stint recently, I am at my wits end, and he is due to go away again for 6-7 weeks at the beginning of Jan. I'm off work for Christmas and so is DH now so this seems like a great time.....but I feel awful!

Does anyone have any positive vibes or success stories for me of sleep training a 12+ month old?!

Hi op. The method I used (not sure if there's an actual name) was:
Do not pick up.
I put my son in cot (happy enough) laying down and he'd usually stand up immediately start fretting trying to get out, hands up etc so I'd just keep placing him back down in cot. He realised he was not getting out. I'd whisper songs to him and also weirdly counting to him too almond with patting him. Sometimes stroking from the top of his nose downwards which makes them close their eyes and if you do it a few times sometimes they close them and just can't open again as they are so tired!
Also sometimes he'd just be happy and playing in his cot. At these times I'd pat him a little bit then retreat away from cot about a foot with my back turned. Basically making it as boring as possible and not giving him attention for playing around. Then comes the time he stand up and again I just keep putting him down.
At first I think I spent up to an hour putting him back down but because I didn't give in and then did the same for two naps in the day, his second night was much much faster. Now I think he might try to stand up once but he is put back down he just stays there.

Bed time takes less than ten mins now. But he is still waking in the night albeit he is ill so he's actually been in bed with us no doubt ruining all my work I've done!

I think I know it will come to the point I'll have to leave him to cry for short periods. In fact I have done this (no more than three mins each time, I did not increase and he got the idea) but I haven't done it on actual night wakings because he usually wants to feed.. I want to wean him now so I guess we need to do the timed crying for a bit. Which j do hate the idea of but we have tried every other way already.

Nap #1 and she has gone straight down (it looks like!) Exact same routine as last night, popped her down and she made 1 noise (not a cry) and has been quiet for 10 minutes. I know it may get harder again over the next couple of days before it gets embedded but I'm so so pleased already, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know sleep training is a controversial subject and, honestly, no one on here can make me feel any worse than I made myself feel while making this decision but overall this is going to better for DD, for DS, for DH and I, our marriage and my health and sanity.

Thank you for all the messages and support :)

@TisTheSeasonToEatLots

Sleep training lol, why do people dress it up with such a name, it’s effectively leaving your child to cry until they realise you aren’t coming back, training indeed. I’m not sure how anyone does it? We just co-slept if they woke up crying or wouldn’t settle, it was tough having disturbed sleep with them in the bed wriggling/taking up space but I preferred that to leaving them to cry alone. Once our children started nursery they started to sleep perfectly anyway (they still creep in in the night sometimes aged 3 and 4 but we don’t mind). I’m glad we didn’t leave them to cry, if your child is crying it means they want something, even if it is just you to make them feel safe.

Bully for you. Do you feel better now coming on to berate the OP?

Not everyone wants to be a martyr to their children and if your kids wake up in the night to come into your bed they're not perfect sleepers.

totally agree @KnitsAndGiggles after a bit of leaving them to cry both mine have always slept well. They were great at going to bed and never caused a fuss with the exception of illness/nightmares . They are also happy staying at grandparents or friends houses. I feel they have a nice level of independence and confidence.

I personally don't feel that kids who are in and out of their parents beds are good sleepers and clearly are a bit insecure. It is not fair on the children to have not given them the skills to self sooth so they can get a happy nights sleep.

The OP was on her knees with exhaustion but I hope it made you feel better to have a dig at her @TisTheSeasonToEatLots

@TisTheSeasonToEatLots

Sleep training lol, why do people dress it up with such a name, it’s effectively leaving your child to cry until they realise you aren’t coming back, training indeed. I’m not sure how anyone does it? We just co-slept if they woke up crying or wouldn’t settle, it was tough having disturbed sleep with them in the bed wriggling/taking up space but I preferred that to leaving them to cry alone. Once our children started nursery they started to sleep perfectly anyway (they still creep in in the night sometimes aged 3 and 4 but we don’t mind). I’m glad we didn’t leave them to cry, if your child is crying it means they want something, even if it is just you to make them feel safe.

Oh toodaloo congratulations

How did last night go OP?

@jellybe hiya! So both nap times went fantastically, straight to sleep and last night she has down within 5 minutes, just a bit of whinging but no need to go back in! Not such a restful night - she cried once but settled herself within 2 mins which was great but she chattered on and off all night as well haha. Didn't need to go in at all but she was noisy!

I'm seconding the continuous white noise and maybe not the shusher, we used to use Olli and found our son was waking up more to turn him back on. We've now got just a cheep plug in spa sounds thing which plays white noise all night and its been life changing!

[quote JalapenoCheeseOnToast]@jellybe hiya! So both nap times went fantastically, straight to sleep and last night she has down within 5 minutes, just a bit of whinging but no need to go back in! Not such a restful night - she cried once but settled herself within 2 mins which was great but she chattered on and off all night as well haha. Didn't need to go in at all but she was noisy![/quote]
That sounds really good! I remember mine being chatty and spending some time lying there at night listening to them debating if I needed to go in. Took me about a week to get used to it before I wouldn't wake to the chatting at all only the proper crying.

@jellybe good to know my DD isn't the only chatty baby out there night #5 and DD is pushing back a little bit but she seems to be getting a cold too, rotten timing. Just keeping to the same method as before, I know she will get there. Generally she has been having 1-3 minutes of whinging (not crying) and then getting herself to sleep but tonight she is a bit more sad, poor thing

Bless her, rotten timing for a cold. But sounds like you are totally winning and she is self soothing brilliantly.

My boys still chat themselves to sleep - well each other as they share a room. 😁

Just be aware it may not work. DC1 just needed time to grow out of bad sleep and no sleep training made a difference (well some made it worse). At 4 he was reasonably good at sleeping through.

DC2 was very different.

Carly Cole (footballers wife) had a sleep training lady 'the magic sleep fairy' come to her house to sleep train her child after a year of not sleeping.
Not being familiar with terms like 'sleep training', reminds me of an Olympic event, but I do wonder if babies react differently when it's not their parent putting them to bed, hence these external people succeed. I recall baby-sitting for our first grand-child who had been difficult to get to sleep, we had instructions that we had to sit next to her until she was asleep, they often sat for three hours! When it was time for her to go to bed I took her up to her romm put her into her cot and said very gently, No nonsense, you're to go to sleep! and she did almost immediately.

Noticed a couple of new comments here so thought I would come back to update - DD has slept like a dream ever since this post and we haven't looked back. I have only had to go in to her room overnight 3 times since and each has been quick - lie back down "sleepy time now" and out. Each bedtime is so lovely now, we all really enjoy it :) she struggles to nap at nursery still but she always has done and they are following what we do at home so it is just too exciting there to sleep for long.

Onto the next phase - think DD is ready to drop a nap now

Glad its gone well OP, and she's sleeping well now and I bet you are too.