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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you do about family wanting to break Christmas Covid rules?

84 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:08

Not sure if this should go here or Covid thread. Because the rules say mixing/ bubble with 2 other households I am having my parents over christmas and then its only fair to have dh parents over. That the 2 household limit. Mil and Fil coming on 23rd and my parents coming on 25th. But now Sil is trying to invite herself over on the 23rd but she does not live with Mil so thats a 3rd household. So that would mean we were breaking the rules if we had my parents over. Dh told his sister this and she is giving him the silent treatment. Now Mil is saying it is his sister for goodness sake and making her feel unwelcome. Aibu to think its fair to have one household from my family and one from dh's and not to break christmas covid rules as thats not fair on people following the rules. Sil also lives with 2 flatmates and is a teacher so might have a higher risk of having covid?

OP posts:
Nowaynothappening · 18/12/2020 11:00

Most people will be breaking the rules anyway. The government knew they couldn’t possibly police people staying away from each other at Christmas hence the farcical ‘Christmas bubble’. It’s a ridiculous idea, we’re already in a position where there’s 35k new cases a day and up to 600 dying a day too. There’ll be a third lockdown in January.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 11:03

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing sil can see mil instead of mil coming to our house. That would be more than fine. I meant it was fair that one of the two households be a member of my family and not the two households be both dh's family? Or is it fair I don't get to see my family at all without breaking the rules?

OP posts:
Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 11:05

Nowaynothappening I don't want to contribute to that by breaking the rules though

OP posts:
Twinkle1989 · 18/12/2020 11:05

The reason that we are in this mess is because people can't follow the bloody guidance. It's not hard.

OP you are putting your own parents at risk by inviting with SIL - is it really worth it? If PIL are stupid enough to think that Covid is having a holiday, let them risk their own health, away from your parents.

We were supposed to be having 20 people for dinner from 8 households. It is now cancelled and I am testing and self isolating until Christmas Day so that I can see my parents - without risking their lives. Everyone else has been told to stay away, or join us for a socially distanced walk on Boxing Day.

stealthninjamum · 18/12/2020 11:05

I really don’t think”most people” will be breaking the rules. I don’t know if anyone who will.

And as mainly mums here don’t we teach our children to not break rules just because their friends do?

LadyLazaruss · 18/12/2020 11:07

It's one more person. I just couldn't care less.

SpiderGwen · 18/12/2020 11:08

@BuckleBuckaroo

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing sil can see mil instead of mil coming to our house. That would be more than fine. I meant it was fair that one of the two households be a member of my family and not the two households be both dh's family? Or is it fair I don't get to see my family at all without breaking the rules?
Don’t be ridiculous, there is no “fair”. It’s a pandemic, there is no Fair, just a series of compromises.

Don’t see SIL, suggest she see MIL instead.

We aren’t going to see any other family because we’ve been through too much to blow it now for the sake of a Christmas. We’re doing online games with grandparents and cousins, a video family quiz and video charades. We’ve trialled it already and it was fantastic fun.

You don’t need to be face to face to celebrate. The more we observe distance now, the faster we’ll ALL be together.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 11:09

LadyLazaruss It's one more person - and if everyone household in the UK says that? Then how many cases and deaths will there be in January? And if others are following the rules then its not fair on them if I think I am above the rules and can just break them

OP posts:
CherieBabySpliffUp · 18/12/2020 11:10

Are your parents not seeing anyone else over the 5 days either @BuckleBuckaroo ?
That would be breaking the rules too obviously.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 11:16

CherieBabySpliffUp my parents are not seeing anyone else.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 18/12/2020 11:18

What happens with people who live with flatmates, are the flatmates bubbles treated separately for Christmas?

If your PIL are seeing elderly relative on Christmas Day I would be limiting their exposure and not see them on 23rd, even if technically allowed

myhobbyisouting · 18/12/2020 11:22

You're not 10 - all this talk of it's not faaaaiiiir just sounds childish.

None of this is fair, but it is what it is and people have to make difficult choices.

You say your concern is not wanting to contribute to further issues in January. If that's your main concern why meet up with everyone now? Instead leave it until Easter

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 11:22

@BuckleBuckaroo

Not sure if this should go here or Covid thread. Because the rules say mixing/ bubble with 2 other households I am having my parents over christmas and then its only fair to have dh parents over. That the 2 household limit. Mil and Fil coming on 23rd and my parents coming on 25th. But now Sil is trying to invite herself over on the 23rd but she does not live with Mil so thats a 3rd household. So that would mean we were breaking the rules if we had my parents over. Dh told his sister this and she is giving him the silent treatment. Now Mil is saying it is his sister for goodness sake and making her feel unwelcome. Aibu to think its fair to have one household from my family and one from dh's and not to break christmas covid rules as thats not fair on people following the rules. Sil also lives with 2 flatmates and is a teacher so might have a higher risk of having covid?
These rules have totally brought out the selfish in people.

Perhaps your Mom can see your sister instead and you can not see her? Then let DPs parents choose the 3rd household and that'll be you sorted.

DollyD65 · 18/12/2020 11:22

It's one day! Why don't you all just stay in your own homes for Christmas? The NHS is already on it's knees, but that's ok, as long as we we can all 'have Christmas' the way we want it. Never mind that NHS workers will continue to pick up the pieces. What a nation of entitled whingers we've become.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 18/12/2020 11:25

So many weak stupid people can’t follow the rules for the greater good, can’t go without what they want. And it’s want not need.

nosswith · 18/12/2020 11:26

Parents more important than sisters or brothers in my opinion, assuming none have special needs. YANBU. Just refuse SIL entry if she turns up.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 11:26

Mustbe3ormorecharacters I want to follow the rules and am suprised by so many suggesting to just break them, its only one etc person etc.

OP posts:
nosswith · 18/12/2020 11:27

@DollyD65 I would not say become. The most entitled person is our killer Prime Minister, who should never have proposed this to begin with.

kayhylton · 18/12/2020 11:33

The reason this will never end is because the government have handled it poorly all together.. look at other countries with no cases mean while were on another lockdown.

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 11:40

@nosswith

Parents more important than sisters or brothers in my opinion, assuming none have special needs. YANBU. Just refuse SIL entry if she turns up.
That's not the point. The point is it means SIL can't see her parents if they see OP according to the rules.
SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 11:41

@nosswith

Parents more important than sisters or brothers in my opinion, assuming none have special needs. YANBU. Just refuse SIL entry if she turns up.
But op has her sol's parents so surely it's the same for her? Why should SIL be banned form seeing her parents just because ops partner wants to?

Also sounds like she's single so could form a bubble with her brother and not have to spend as alone, within the rules

DollyD65 · 18/12/2020 11:52

nosswith..I completely agree, but we are supposedly intelligent human beings, who can surmise that mixing indoors, in groups for hours is going to have a massive impact on our health service. We don't need our inglorious leaders to tell us what is obvious.

CharlieD2020 · 18/12/2020 12:03

I'm also really sad to read so many people suggesting OP is being silly or petty for not wanting to break the rules.

We all have a collective responsibility to help bring covid cases down. That means we all miss out on doing exactly what we want this year. It's this collective sacrifice that will mean hospitals can continue operating to save any of us who need medical care, businesses can stay open and families can have enough money to feed their children, and we can all get back to hugging our loved ones sooner.

It's one Christmas in our lifetime. I will be following the rules and playing my part and I hope that's the case for most families.

Hope you find a happy resolution OP Flowers

Mousehole10 · 18/12/2020 12:08

You don’t get to dictate who others see. You understand that MIL wants to see SIL and then be adults and decide who your going to see with that knowledge. That mean picking wether you see your parents or your in-laws, you can’t see both. Yes it may not seem ‘fair’ but nothing about this year has been easy. Pick one and stick with it, see the other next Christmas.

TeenPlusTwenties · 18/12/2020 12:16

The fairest thing, is for this one year only, just don't see anyone.

It really upsets me how many people are happy to form chains this Christmas instead of proper bubbles, and who think it's OK as 'they are willing to take the risk' with no thought for wider society.

Every person posting 'break the rules' is encouraging the thought that people aren't going to be sensible. Whereupon any 'peer normalisation pressure' to follow the rules goes away. (ie if you think everyone is doing something you do it too).

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