Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you do about family wanting to break Christmas Covid rules?

84 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:08

Not sure if this should go here or Covid thread. Because the rules say mixing/ bubble with 2 other households I am having my parents over christmas and then its only fair to have dh parents over. That the 2 household limit. Mil and Fil coming on 23rd and my parents coming on 25th. But now Sil is trying to invite herself over on the 23rd but she does not live with Mil so thats a 3rd household. So that would mean we were breaking the rules if we had my parents over. Dh told his sister this and she is giving him the silent treatment. Now Mil is saying it is his sister for goodness sake and making her feel unwelcome. Aibu to think its fair to have one household from my family and one from dh's and not to break christmas covid rules as thats not fair on people following the rules. Sil also lives with 2 flatmates and is a teacher so might have a higher risk of having covid?

OP posts:
Fluffybutter · 18/12/2020 10:43

@RealMermaid

All the people saying just break the rules - you are literally the reason that this pandemic is continuing to be so severe.
I hope you’re including the mp’s who will most definitely be breaking their own rules ?
PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 10:43

@BuckleBuckaroo

I am suprised by so many advising to break the rules. Is that the majority opinion? Are you not worried about a massive spike in cases in January, hospitals not coping and harsher lockdown rules?
Because whilst I wouldn't advise having 30 people over for Christmas dinner from 10 different households, I don't think one extra person is the end of the world. One extra person who your PIL are likely to just go and see anyway.
Embracelife · 18/12/2020 10:44

So you and your dp and adding in pils?
That s tge risk all thosexpeople in small space Inless you live in mansion with large ventilated rooms
It s one person extra
Keep the windows open
Ventilate
Dont breathe on each other
Get a patio heater
Sanitise frequently
But dont mix everyone in small space for two or three days

halcyondays · 18/12/2020 10:45

One extra person multiplied by millions of families.

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 10:46

This is why I cringe at all the BUT THE RULES!!!!! hysteria.

Not because I think people should just crack on and get back to normal but because people are getting tied in knots over ONE person because it will take them over the magic household threshold.

If you're so concerned, don't have anyone over for Christmas, that would be best wouldn't it?

But I couldn't sit there and leave ONE person out at Christmas because it broke the rules. It's daft imo and honestly it just makes me think you're using it as an excuse to not have to see your SIL. It wouldn't surprise me if there were more background where you didn't get along.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:46

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing then me and my parents will be the one that is fined/ told to leave if found out?. Or my neighbours noticing we are not following the rules. I live next door to a police man. And we don't have a car so its more obvious if people are visiting. I have no control over what inlaws do. Can only control what I do, and I don't want to risk breaking the rules.

OP posts:
PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 10:47

@halcyondays

One extra person multiplied by millions of families.
Don't have anyone round then if you're so concerned.

I'm not going to judge others for including one extra person who otherwise wouldn't be able to see any family over Christmas whilst I sit there with two other households because that's within the magic no risk number.

If you're so concerned, don't have anyone over.

halcyondays · 18/12/2020 10:47

Is the SIL going to the PIL on Christmas Day?

Conkergame · 18/12/2020 10:48

OP it’s one extra person. Just do the sensible thing and have her over or expect DH’s family to hold a grudge for years. If you’re really worried about your own nuclear family catching it because of underlying health conditions then don’t invite any of them over. If none of you have underlying health conditions then you are very low risk so I’m not sure what you’re so worried about? You can always get her to sanitise and stay 2m away etc if really worried. It’s cruel to invite a whole family and exclude one person, especially if they are single.

OrigamiOwl · 18/12/2020 10:49

You've decided who your PIL can see over Christmas without any discussion with them.
From your point of view it's fair as you get to see both sets of parents. From PIL POV you've made a decision and it means they can't see one of their children.
There's no easy decision here, but you can't just make choices for other people without consulting them and wonder why it causes upset.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:50

halcyondays Mil is having Christmas day at home with her mum (who is 82) but that's in a support bubble so counts as 1 household I think? Not sure what Sil is doing.

OP posts:
PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 10:51

Ah so now it's not about the risk, it's because you think your house is going to be raided and you'll be dragged into the street by the police for having one extra person over at Christmas... Okay.

My Dad's a police officer OP. He's not going to be spending his Christmas curtain twitching to count how many people come and go from Margaret's house next door.

stealthninjamum · 18/12/2020 10:51

Op I wouldn’t break the rules although I do think the system is unfair that your in-laws are in a bubble with your parents so they can’t see one of their children. If I were you I would just apologise and uninvite them so they can see sil.

This thread is unlike threads I’ve seen and Facebook threads where people are sticking to the rules. FWIW with vaccine so close my dc will not be seeing grandparents over Xmas.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:52

OrigamiOwl they can see who they want and choose sil over seeing us, thats fine thats their choice. Or break the rules as I have no control or responsibility over. All I can control is who I see and not break the rules surely?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 18/12/2020 10:54

If you don't wish to bend the rules then maybe the fair thing to do is that your see your parents, SIL sees her parents and unfortunately your DH will have to miss out. But it's not fair to make SIL be on her own over Christmas just because you've made a decision without consultation.

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 10:55

Your AIBU was

Aibu to think its fair to have one household from my family and one from dh's

And the answer is yes if it means your SIL is going to be alone and unable to see her parents.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:55

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing it's both really. Risk and not wanting to get caught out by not following the rules. I would not go that far that I think a police team will break down the door and drag us out or something.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 18/12/2020 10:56

My not having anyone over won’t stop the hospitals being overwhelmed if other people mix with lots of different households at Christmas.

It is not the end of the world if adults can’t see their parents over Christmas. None of these people are going to be alone on Christmas Day except possibly the SIL if her flatmates aren’t going to be there.

Hardbackwriter · 18/12/2020 10:56

One extra option that I thought of would be to change the 23rd to something that can be legally done under your tier without being in a Christmas bubble? E.g. going for a walk and sitting outside at a cafe/getting takeaway drinks and cake and having them outside (depending on tier 2 or 3)? That way you could all come and no rules broken. That's what we're doing with my DB, SIL and our children but I appreciate it's easier because a) we live locally to each other and b) we have toddlers who will love running up and down the beach in their coats and wellies.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:56

OrigamiOwl mil made the decision by inviting herself over. It was either you come to our house or we come there. There was no third option of her not seeing dh and seeing sil instead.

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 18/12/2020 10:56

@BuckleBuckaroo

OrigamiOwl they can see who they want and choose sil over seeing us, thats fine thats their choice. Or break the rules as I have no control or responsibility over. All I can control is who I see and not break the rules surely?
Well then the fair thing to do is probably to decline to see your PIL, although this may also cause upset.
PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 10:58

@BuckleBuckaroo

PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing it's both really. Risk and not wanting to get caught out by not following the rules. I would not go that far that I think a police team will break down the door and drag us out or something.
Then uninvite your PIL so your SIL can spend Christmas with them and your DH can be the one to miss out.

Personally, I think you're being ridiculous and I really wouldn't be surprised if it were actually some long backstory about how you don't get on with SIL.

Would you be happy for your own sister to be alone and unable to see your parents over Christmas so you could all have a lovely Xmas dinner together with your in laws?

halcyondays · 18/12/2020 10:58

If she invited herself over, which is cheeky anyway, uninvited her. You could meet her outside.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 18/12/2020 10:58

We are all in tier 3

OP posts:
PositivelyPositiveAboutNothing · 18/12/2020 11:00

None of these people are going to be alone on Christmas Day except possibly the SIL if her flatmates aren’t going to be there

So then you agree that the OP was being unreasonable to say its fair for the PILs and her parents to come to hers instead of seeing SIL considering SIL is the only one potentially spending Christmas alone.

If you're so hung up on the rules the only fair thing is to tell your PILs they can't come so that they are free to see SIL.

Swipe left for the next trending thread