I am unreasonable. I've hit the pandemic wall today.

[outofthemoon]

Today it feels endless. 3 members of my family are self isolating alone in different cities. They are miserable. I keep telling them soon it will be a different world but I don't believe it really.

Tell me to grow up or stop the self pity or something please.

@outofthemoon

Acorn, I am so sorry you feel that bad. Do you have anyone? What would help you?

Thanks That was back in April.

I have a lot of medication and booze. I don’t think anyone could make me feel better.

I have to care for my mother, so I currently have an obligation to be here.

What would help me is the overthrow of this tyranny but that’s not going to happen.

You have my sympathies OP.

I keep hitting walls during this pandemic. It’s happened a few times that I think I can’t carry on with it!

I keep regrouping and coming back at it again. I ageee with a PP that small pleasures really help - a nice walk, a special meal or just enjoying soMe guilt free TV!

I think it’s because the end game still seems a long way off.
We locked down in spring thinking that by summer it would be gone. Then we thought it would be over by Christmas, and hear we are one week away, very much in the thick of it.
It’s just depressing.

Which tyranny? Carer? Government? Virus?

When I say that was in April, I mean I’m managing much better. I can at least sit and laugh at stuff now, going to watch Black Books for about the third time!

You can’t rescue anyone, don’t put that burden on yourself. You have to look after yourself.

Well, I'm self-pitying too! I think I've had about as easy a ride through Covid as anyone could have. No job loss, no extremely vulnerable loved ones, but the situation is crap. I don't really see anyone other than my partner, who has become a depressed and irritable workaholic over this period, and I'm getting sick of all the little and/or temporary changes we've had to adapt to which are stacking up now and no longer feel temporary.

As a result, I find myself getting annoyed or anxious by lots of often trivial Covid-related stuff. Got unreasonably irritated the other day with a thread on here where people were saying they hoped masks on public transport would stay forever. And stressed when I read a news article earlier about mass testing (I realised early on that I was taking Covid measures seriously at least as much because I want to avoid being tested as Covid itself!)...

@outofthemoon

Which tyranny? Carer? Government? Virus?

Governments.

Byllis “ Got unreasonably irritated the other day with a thread on here where people were saying they hoped masks on public transport would stay foreve”

That would annoy me. But as a regular Tube user, I saw the majority don them in June when it became law. I’m confident the majority of Londoners will ditch them the minute we are legally allowed. and I increasingly see people take them off to get a few proper breaths in, which is sad of course, but a good sign in a way.

No, it's crap. I've been feeling the same today and I know there are definitely other people who have it much worse that me but it still feels miserable. My area has been under some of the strictest restrictions since the summer and we were finally hopeful that we might move to tier 2 but it hasn't happened.

I wouldn't have said I was particularly bothered about going to pubs and restaurants over Christmas - The only important thing to me was seeing my family - but we've decided that isn't safe so I'll be on my own over Christmas.

Hoping we'd move into tier 2, some friends and I provisionally booked an outdoor table at a local bar-restaurant. I went there in July when we were allowed to and it seemed really safe and it was amazing to be out in that kind of environment with other people and my friends and I took photos at the time in a "we're out! in the real world! look - people! it's almost normal life except all the tables are really spaced out and it's all table service!" kind of way.

It sounds really stupid but over the last couple of weeks I've been looking back over the photos from July, imagining that I was going to be out again with people (I see people on Zoom all the time and meet the odd friend in the park but obviously it's been a while since I've been able to do anything like that) and they had made the venue all Christmassy so I was looking on the website, finding whatever information I could about what it might be like, imagining what food I might order etc - and I know it was never definitely on, I know it's a lot worse for the small businesses who are putting all this work in for nothing and I know other people are dealing with far worse but after thinking firstly maybe I could see my family and then maybe I could have this get together to look forward to, it does feel a bit shit.

Black Books, the one where he does his income tax, is me every January, Acorn.

@outofthemoon

Black Books, the one where he does his income tax, is me every January, Acorn.

You can post a picture of your jacket 😂

I think there must be something in the water today, as that’s exactly how I feel. I am angry, I am sad and I feel so done with all that shit. I know tomorrow I will wake up, plaster my smile back on and start making breakfast for the kids, but right now, I just want to hide in my bed forever! There is no light, just this bloody endless tunnel.

Tiersatbedtime, that does sound truly shit. I completely understand. Drove 60+ miles each way to walk with a friend round a rainy park on Saturday. Just needed to see someone from better times.

I know how you feel OP. My mum’s been isolated in hospital for 5 weeks with (but not because of) coronavirus and I’ve not been able to get off the phone either! She gets out tomorrow. It will get better, just keep that in mind

Outofthemoon, acorn is trying to help YOU! Sending love and positive energy to both of you lovely people, please look after yourselves as well as everyone else.
OP, please look for a way to carve out some time for yourself where you can turn off the phone for an hour or two. You really must recharge your own batteries. Bless you both

No, today I am pissed and have hit that wall myself. My children missed their education for months. My business is on a knife edge. My daughters birthday plans were ruined by lockdown 1. My husbands birthday was ruined by lockdown 2... and now my sons birthday is ruined because although our area is tier 2 and remains that way, where we were going is now going into tier three and they’ve basically said we can no longer go. Two of my best friends weddings were postponed... oh an the epic 4 week trip in Europe we had planned also didn’t happen obviously.

Had my children sobbing this evening because of how much they hate Covid (don’t we all). I really am starting to feel like I’m failing as a parent.

Can’t plan anything. Don’t dare book anything anymore.

We have had bugger all to look forward to all year.

I am very lucky we all have our health. I know people are in far worse situations. Everything just feels quite grim at the moment.

I’m sorry for moaning on your thread OP. I really sympathise with how you are feeling. Sometimes we all need to unload 💐

I hope for a better 2021

Flatface, I sort of hate phones now. Every time it rings my heart starts racing because what's next.

Hope the vaccine rollout works. And Brexit redtape doesn't slow it up. And the Oxford vaccine is approved.

I wish I had some good news to pass on. Today I've been down to we are nearly at the shortest day. A bit useless.

Unload away, Coffee, that's quite a list. I hope your business holds up. I'm the only one working regularly in this family, and I really dread letting go of the reins.

Keep watching Black Books, Acorn. I wish they'd made more.

I'm glad you posted. Sometimes you just need to share things don't you and say 'I've had enough' even though it doesn't change things. This is so shit for so many reasons. I have been trying to tell myself I feel awful because this is just awful. And also, even without the pandemic so many people reach this point of the year and start struggling anyway. The dark nights and foul weather eats away at all happiness.

What is helping me is remembering that there is far more 'normal' life on the other side of this than what the pandemic adds up to. It's not fair we can't skip ahead but one day this will feel like a bad memory. And we really are getting somewhere - my gut instinct is things will be awful until the end of Jan and then not only will a sizeable number of people be vaccinated but we will feel closer to spring so it will be more manageable. There'll be crocuses and daffs and snowdrops to cheer us up too and a whole spring and summer ahead of us. And we will reach a proper tipping point somewhere between February and April where the vaccine really is making a significant difference even if not everyone has had it by then. That's what the scientists are saying, anyway.

You are doing a very generous thing supporting people but I did just want to say that no psychologist or counsellor would spend 7 hours on the phone to desperate people without some sort of supervision and proper care for themselves. It isn't sustainable. So please either get some counselling for yourself so you can pass that load on in some form or have a look into contacting other agencies who can help support the people you care about so you're spreading the load. It's not very safe otherwise, for you or them. I was volunteering March-July and having people on the phone going 'it's never going to be ok and it's all completely hopeless' sucked all the hope out of me to the point I was getting dreadful panic attacks.

www.newstatesman.com/science-tech/coronavirus/2020/12/how-covid-19-vaccines-could-rapidly-reduce-uk-s-death-rate

This gave me some hope OP. It explains how much of a difference the vaccine could make really quite soon.

Kind of felt at the end of my rope today, I'm in Scotland been in tier 3 or 4 for forever and I totally get it, needs must and all that, no objections about the principle of it all BUT ..... It's a bad time of year for me , my dad ( who I totally adored) died Christmas night a couple of years ago, and other years I've been able to distract myself with Christmas nonsense meeting friends etc but this year obviously it's been different. (No meeting folk inside since September etc, ) DH has been great cos he knows it's a bad time, and he misses my dad as well. Tonight my prize kitchen gadget that I treated myself to broke, and normally I would've been pffft, it's not a biggie, but tonight I started to cry like a right Daftie. DH , love him, has been in the kitchen for hours trying to fix it for me and I think he's winning. Just trying to say, it's all a bit shit , something tiny can be the last straw even when you know it really doesn't matter, cos we've all been squashing down the bigger stuff. As the saying goes , 'this too shall pass' so here's to us all, big handholds and good thoughts 👍

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair

I'm glad you posted. Sometimes you just need to share things don't you and say 'I've had enough' even though it doesn't change things. This is so shit for so many reasons. I have been trying to tell myself I feel awful because this is just awful. And also, even without the pandemic so many people reach this point of the year and start struggling anyway. The dark nights and foul weather eats away at all happiness.

What is helping me is remembering that there is far more 'normal' life on the other side of this than what the pandemic adds up to. It's not fair we can't skip ahead but one day this will feel like a bad memory. And we really are getting somewhere - my gut instinct is things will be awful until the end of Jan and then not only will a sizeable number of people be vaccinated but we will feel closer to spring so it will be more manageable. There'll be crocuses and daffs and snowdrops to cheer us up too and a whole spring and summer ahead of us. And we will reach a proper tipping point somewhere between February and April where the vaccine really is making a significant difference even if not everyone has had it by then. That's what the scientists are saying, anyway.

You are doing a very generous thing supporting people but I did just want to say that no psychologist or counsellor would spend 7 hours on the phone to desperate people without some sort of supervision and proper care for themselves. It isn't sustainable. So please either get some counselling for yourself so you can pass that load on in some form or have a look into contacting other agencies who can help support the people you care about so you're spreading the load. It's not very safe otherwise, for you or them. I was volunteering March-July and having people on the phone going 'it's never going to be ok and it's all completely hopeless' sucked all the hope out of me to the point I was getting dreadful panic attacks.

What a wonderful post x

mydogmylife. I'm sorry about your dad, and a couple of years ago is still quite recent. My dad died at Christmas too, late December anyway, and that's one reason for the extra late night sadness.

WishingChair, thank you.
Thank you isn't good enough, actually. That link is such a breath of hope. I'll share it round, thank you.

What kind vipers you are, listening to me. I appreciate it.
Got to go. x

Hang in there OP and everyone on this thread going through a hard time. Maybe you could think of a few nice things to do for yourself this week and next. Loong bath? New book? Luxurious pjs? Super fancy chocolate? Or just turning your phone off for a few hours? I think a lot of people have hit a real low this week. And totally agree with the person who says the media have been hamming things up...

@outofthemoon
Please take care of yourself, you will burn yourself out! I think this thread has been helpful for a wee vent! I'm very aware that in the grand scheme of things my trials and tribulations are minor, but sometimes it does help to have a moan !