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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I tell them?

85 replies

quebrantad · 15/12/2020 22:25

I'm new here and please no judgement!

When my first was born I was really struggling as I was a single mum with no family support and I was 22 so fairly young. I turned into an alcoholic and I even drank whilst I was meant to be looking after him (don't judge) and when his dad found out he did the right thing (I didn't think so at the time though) and took son off of me and got full custody of him. I got help etc and now I'm with my DH and have 3 DC's with him. Anyway a few months ago I found my son on Facebook and I sent a friend request and sent him a message he didn't want to know and blamed me for everything (his dad passed away which I didn't know about) and told me to leave him alone so I did. A couple of weeks later he messaged me and we texted abit and I met him and it went ok and we've messaged a few times since. He asked if he could meet DH and I agreed and we're meant to on Thursday. Ive just found out his grandparents dont know we've been meeting up ( he was saying they don't care about him and then he said they'd stop me from seeing him if they knew). Now I'm torn and don't know what to do I feel like they should know but I also think he's old enough to make his own decisions (18). DH said I should as they wouldn't be able to stop him from seeing me as he's an adult

Can I have advice please and I ask again don't judge

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 16/12/2020 21:01

And yes, I’m judging you a little for what has been but there’s nothing you can change there.

I’m judging you more about how you are handling it now and your rationale. That’s more of the issue. You’re still saying he should be a secret until you see fit.

billy1966 · 16/12/2020 21:08

Go easy people!
Please.

I cannot imagine how difficult this was for the OP.

How scared, sad and ashamed she was of how things turned out.

She has turned her life around which is an extremely difficult and admirable thing to do.

It can be hugely stressful for parents whom have had children taken from them, to process and deal with the emotions.

I absolutely believe the OP constantly thought of her son and loved him.

OP, keep your focus completely and utterly on your son.

More than anything you will say to him, he needs to know that he was ALWAYS in his thoughts.
That you feel huge grief for YOUR choices that impacted HIM so much.

He will need to hear this so much to help him deal with his huge grief that he feels for being abandoned.

It is so hard to over emphasise how important this is.

By really stressing the above, you give the relationship a chance.

Do not expect him just to hear it once and take it as gospel.

His pain, deep down, maybe hugely denied..even to himself...needs to be acknowledged by you...whilst you tell him what he really will want to know.....that you missed him, thought of him, prayed for him, loved him...for all these years...while ye were apart.

Wishing you wellFlowers

myhobbyisouting · 16/12/2020 21:10

Tell them OP.

Just tell them that you had a baby once before and he's now an adult. Tell them his name, let them ask questions and then say hopefully they will meet him someday but that it could be a while.

He deserves that much, not to be a secret. They're young enough to not get too confused by the fact that he lived with his dad

myhobbyisouting · 16/12/2020 21:11

I mean tell the children NOT the grandparents. You have no place doing that. He is 18 and he gets to make that choice

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2020 21:19

I think writing “don’t judge” is never going to work op. Of course people will judge.

Not for what happened when you were 22. Although it’s hardly 15. Or because you’re an alcoholic, but because it’s eighteen years and you didn’t even know what happened to your child or who was caring for him for all those years.

To betray him now and decide he has to tell his grandparents, or to tell them yourself, or not to meet him would be unforgivable it would destroy him. Meeting you will be huge for him. He won’t understand why you weren’t in touch all these years, why you didn’t find out or track him, and he will have some difficult questions for you, he will ask you to explain the unforgivable..

Tell him only good things. That you always loved him. That you thought about him, that it hurt so much but it was for his benefit. snd you didn’t wish to disrupt his life. That you want to make it right now. Don’t make it worse for him. Don’t go on about your three kids and how much you love them, or how great your family life is. Habe empathy for what has happened to him and what he’s endured.

He has a mother who he thinks abandoned him. A father who died when he was a child. He was raised by his grandparents and the relationship was so rocky he thinks they don’t care for him.

Make it about him. Not you.

GoodSister · 16/12/2020 21:35

OP wishing you all the best Flowers

unmarkedbythat · 17/12/2020 10:07

@quebrantad

I just didn't want to rush things with him by telling DC's but I will tell them soon.i feel awful and I posted for advice but I'm mainly being judged and I already feel guilty and I did think about him alot
I think a lot of pp have no experience of any of the issues you have discussed here, que, and respond from a place of well meaning ignorance.

Don't feel awful. Of course you thought about him. And you're desperate to get things right now. I have so much admiration for someone who can rebuild their life the way you have. One day maybe I will be a perfect person and in a position to judge you- today is not that day.

CakeRequired · 17/12/2020 10:14

I can't believe you abandoned your first son for 18 years, never bothered looking for him (you could have used Google to find out how to find him), replaced him with 3 children and you think you should have some say in his life? Get on your knees to him and beg for forgiveness, and never once in the rest of your life question his decisions. You abandoned him, for drink. And then once sober, you just got knocked up again instead of looking for him. You are lucky he's even bothering with you, I wouldn't. Beg for forgiveness and never question anything. That's your options, you have no right to question anything, you are no mother.

Nore · 17/12/2020 10:45

I have so much admiration for someone who can rebuild their life the way you have. One day maybe I will be a perfect person and in a position to judge you- today is not that day.

Everyone has respect for the way the OP recovered from alcoholism. No one is under the illusion that this was easy. I think most people also grasp that the OP's son was better off not living with her when she was an alcoholic, and may even have been better off emotionally not having even occasional direct contact with an addict.

What is far more difficult to understand is why, in the process of her recovery, which was clearly some time ago, the OP did not at the very least get in touch with her son's father and, even if she did not pursue gaining access to see her son because she genuinely thought it wasn't his best interests, at least be enough in touch with his other parent to be aware that he'd died, and left her child essentially an orphan in his teens. Instead she seems to have been building another family, and not allowing her guilt to spur her into any action on her eldest child's behalf.

It's perfectly possible that her son's grandparents are not simply being hostile if he's right and they wouldn't want him to see her -- they may genuinely think that it's likely to affect him badly if done without the kind of mediation/counselling/preparation that is usually offered when a birth parent and a child removed from their care via adoption are reunited.

And I could see their point, if this is what they think. He's lost both parents at a very early age, and now suddenly his lost mother has reappeared, apparently functional, with a whole new family, and no easily-digested reason for not attempting to contact him before this.

I know someone who was adopted from an overseas orphanage 25 years ago, who was recently put back in touch with her birth family -- her father and mother are married, relatively prosperous, and have several other children who are her full siblings. The reason given for her placing in the orphanage (machinations of a senior family member) and why she was never retrieved by her family before being adopted by a foreigner at eighteen months old don't stack up at all, and she's found this understandably very difficult to deal with.

It's a really delicate situation. OP, I think you should immediately pursue specialist counselling for yourself, and encourage your son to do the same. Perhaps an adoption support service might advise, even though the situation is not the same.

CakeRequired · 17/12/2020 10:55

And I could see their point, if this is what they think. He's lost both parents at a very early age, and now suddenly his lost mother has reappeared, apparently functional, with a whole new family, and no easily-digested reason for not attempting to contact him before this.

Exactly. OP may as well admit she couldn't be bothered and preferred to keep her past in the past, just wanted to move on with a new family. There is no reason why she did this to her son. I get while an alcoholic she wasn't suitable, but she deems herself suitable now for 3 more children.

Saying 'I didn't know how' is just stupid. Ask someone for christ sake. Google has been around for years, there's always been someone to talk to. She just didn't want to. How is he meant to feel about that?

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