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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you and/or people you know would have stopped?

149 replies

Lesserspottedmama · 15/12/2020 19:25

My friend was telling me earlier about something that happened to her a few years ago.. she went for a run on a country back road and twisted her ankle.. she was limping along in agony a long way from home and trying to flag down a car. She said 4(!) cars passed her by.. it was the sort of road you had to go really slowly down so it’s not like they could whizz past her. They had to drive past her at 5-10mph ignoring her. She said they were all men aged between 40-60. A 5th car stopped and it was a young man who couldn’t have been much older than 19. He was very kind and dropped her home which was a 5 min drive away.

Would you have stopped if you saw a female runner in running gear limping and trying to flag you down? No judgement, just curious.
I would have, so would my husband, my parents and brother. I believe many of my friends would. I was surprised to hear so many cars passed by without stopping. She said it was about 8am so perhaps they didn’t want to be late for work. I would’ve stopped regardless. I understand some have had past experiences which would make them more reluctant though.

OP posts:

yawnsvillex · 16/12/2020 15:12

No - a. Accused of something b. Could be a scam

ChristmasUserName2020 · 16/12/2020 15:16

I’d love to say yes but the reality is I’d probably say no but feel really guilty. I’d probably stop and ask if I could call a friend or family member to collect her or an Uber if she didn’t have any cash.

Kissthepastrychef · 16/12/2020 15:21

I would stop and offer help, I wouldn't be letting some random woman in my car though. I came across a man, utterly paralytic, lying in the gutter once. I pulled my car over and shouted through the window at him, then when he didn't rouse (he was breathing with no obvious sign of injury) I called an ambulance and went on my way. I had dd in the car and wasnt about to take any chances.

Dh would stop to help someone that appeared in distress, however as he is a policeman I would be shocked if he didn't.

bigbluebus · 16/12/2020 15:24

I'm sad to say I probably wouldn't if I was on my own.
DH probably would though. I remember going to pick him up from the station one evening in the dark and pouring rain. Imagine my surprise when 2 lads jumped in the back of the car as DH had offered them a lift. He only saw them on the platform when he got off the train - it's a rural station and there are only 2 directions you can go out of the station. He asked them if they were going to the village - they said they were, so he offered them a lift to save them getting soaked I dropped them in the middle of the village as they said they lived near there. No idea if they did or didn't. Wouldn't recognise them if I ever saw them again as it was dark.

emmathedilemma · 16/12/2020 15:29

hmm I don't know, and I say that ss a female runner who's been caught out having injured myself and not had a phone on me but it wouldn't occur to me to try and flag down a passing car unless there was absolutely no way I could still walk. I would be very hesitant of getting into a car with a stranger and given the current Covid advice I can also understand why people wouldn't stop.

emmathedilemma · 16/12/2020 15:30

people saying "call an Uber".....she was on a country back road, Uber only operate in major cities!!

Yokey · 16/12/2020 16:02

Probably not, sadly. As PP have said, it's a well-known scam. And when you consider that most people are likely to be carrying a phone, that it's a scam seems more likely. As it didn't appear to be life or death, not worth the risk.

BackforGood · 16/12/2020 19:33

What EmbarrassingAdmissions said I do think this does sepend where you are (somewhere remote, or in a big City, etc).

I would expect a young woman to have a mobile phone and therefore no need to get in a stranger's car.

This ^ is what I was thinking. I would expect anyone who went out for a run to be able to call a friend / partner / family member for help.

@Eaumyword - I think that would present very differently, and, if I had seen her (which you might not when you are driving along), then I would have stopped to help in those circumstances. I think that is hugely different from a young, fit person standing by the side of the road trying to get people to stop, without a clear reason.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/12/2020 19:51

I probably would stop (not that I drive)...

I would advise OH not to stop because hes got a stunning ability to say entirely the wrong thing, looks a lot like a hobo much of the time and is autistic... but he'd stop at a safe distance and call police/ambulance etc as appropriate (actually, hed stop, jibber about, ring me and ask what i thought, then do that).

I stopped (ie, insisted driver stopped) for a loose horse in the road, no signs of owner but then it was rugged up, no way of knowing where it came from so I made a headcollar out of a dog lead and put it in the first stable I could find and left a note on the door (so if you live near ish Gloucester and found a big chestnut thing in your stable circa 1996, that was me, sorry)...

Lots of other people had driven past the poor lad who was eyeballs on stalks skittering up and down the road looking thoroughly upset and confused.

I've stopped for people having seizures, elderly people who have fallen, the only time I've suffered for it was a lady in the middle of the main road and i stupidly got too close when i went to ask her her name/address etc (to see if she was compos mentis) and she punched me in the face. Lesson very much learned there, shout from further away!

Absolutely NO one stopped to even ask if they could help when my front castor tyre came off my manual wheelchair. I sat on the pavement trying to get the bugger back on and failing as I needed a tyre iron or a flat head screwdriver and i had neither... loads of folk walked past and averted their eyes :(

OH had to go off and see if any of the shops had a screwdriver and in the time he was gone, nobody stopped, no one wanted to get involved at all for fear of who the hell knows what. Fortunately the newsagents round the corner had a big screwdriver under his counter and let it to OH and I was sorted but it was a long old wait and a horrible experience.

tigger1001 · 16/12/2020 20:03

@SarahAndQuack

Yes have been out of reception - still wouldn't get into a strangers car! I live rurally but the reception here is pretty ok generally, wouldn't have to hobble far to get back into area. It's about knowing your area when going out running and not putting yourself in dangerous situations like getting into a strangers car when no one knows where you are.

I actually am surprised that others would be ok with doing so.

lastnightthemooncame · 16/12/2020 20:09

I'd stop for sure. I picked up male hitchhiker recently (rural, local) And stopped for a woman flagging me down at night next to car, broken down in middle of road, dangerous as hell! needing to push it into the verge.She told me she'd been there half an hour, but as soon as I stopped, others did. I did psychology for a degree & the (first) bystander principle always struck me very much.
I've also been first to respond to a big road crash in front of me, & an overdose in central London where I was trying to assist on 999 instructions & his mate was trying to assault me at the same time. Intervened in 3 assaults on street.

Not sure of any interest. But I'm autistic, we do try help, but obviously sometimes our safety is less of a priority (?)

Nottherealslimshady · 16/12/2020 20:15

Not for someone limping and trying to flag down a car. I'd think it was a danger or a scam.

I would for someone running, crying, screaming for help or walking with kids in a dangerous or poor situation.

SarahAndQuack · 16/12/2020 20:21

[quote tigger1001]@SarahAndQuack

I actually am surprised that others would be ok with doing so.[/quote]
I absolutely agree with you that the important thing is knowing your area.

I'm just very struck by the way this thread is full of posters assuming everyone lives in areas with urban phone reception, or within hobbling distance of that.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to go out running when no one knows where you are - what if you fell and hit your head? Reception is no good to you then.

IMO the best thing to do is to take all the precautions you can, but also to recognise that people genuinely do get into danger. Where I grew up (rural again, though not so rural), a van skidded into a ditch and flipped over. Lots of people drove past. Eventually a lad I know went past with his dad, and they stopped, and a teenage girl hanging upside down unable to get out, who'd been slowly bleeding for hours. It really stayed with me and made me think carefully about real risks versus real needs.

GrinchnotHinch · 16/12/2020 20:57

I came here to say that I would stop, but keep my car locked and offer to call for help for her... but thinking back I saw a man laying in the road and I jumped out the car and ran straight over, unfortunately he passed away so it wasn’t a scam.

I also saw a drunk man stumbling into the road and he fell and couldn’t get back up, I moved him and rang an ambulance. I could’ve easily been stabbed or something else awful. I’d probably be the first to die in a horror film

GrinchnotHinch · 16/12/2020 20:59

Not sure of any interest. But I'm autistic, we do try help, but obviously sometimes our safety is less of a priority

Just read your comment, I’m also autistic so maybe that explains my lack of self preservation, I never connected the two.

wintertime6 · 16/12/2020 21:05

I don't think I would have stopped, especially not if there was no other adult in the car with me. I would genuinely want to help if someone needed it, but I'd be too scared of it being a scam and something happening to me.

Although not the same thing, you've just made me think of my childhood and when I was a little kid, my mum would regularly drive us up to my granny's house which was a good distance away and on a popular route. We quite often came across hitchhikers and my mum would always stop if we had room in the car and we used to think it was great fun meeting someone new and finding out where they were going. I wouldn't dream of doing that these days with my 2 young kids in the car.

SnackSizeRaisin · 16/12/2020 21:45

I may have stopped as do sometimes pick up hitchhikers, but it depends a lot on the circumstances - I wouldn't if I was in a rush, not in the mood for chat, had no space, there was nowhere safe to stop, or the person or area looked dodgy. I've never seen anyone in distress - but would be quite suspicious due to scams, especially in built up areas.

Once got approached in a busy service station at 1 pm by a man claiming he'd run out of fuel. That one had scam written all over it. For a start there were plenty of men there that he could have asked, why choose a lone female? He was also a bit too insistent. I was in no danger as the area was busy and I was in a locked car, but did feel creeped out.
I've hitchhiked myself and it's extremely difficult to get picked up in most areas, even rural. Once I had a cycling accident in a busy market town and the only person who tried to help was someone with downs syndrome.
If this woman was walking, maybe it wasn't obvious that she needed help?

MsJudgemental · 17/12/2020 18:49

this happened to me once (although I wasn't alone) and we got picked up, so I would definitely pay that back.

Babyyodasmacarons · 17/12/2020 19:05

As a woman yes, if I was a lone man, no I wouldn’t stop for a lone woman.

Dee1975 · 17/12/2020 19:40

I probably wouldn’t. Only for fear it’s some sort of trap. Not because I’m heartless!
Although I did stop once for 2 old age pensioners - turns out they were trying to get into town to get a coach for a trip. But no taxis were available. It was a Sunday morning in a town. Felt pretty low risk.
But i hate to admit it, I prob wouldn’t on a country road.

HighSpecWhistle · 17/12/2020 19:44

Nope. I wouldn't pick ANY stranger (adult) up. Why was she running without a phone?

WickyWackyWooWa · 17/12/2020 21:02

I'm a runner and always make sure I have money and my phone with me for this exact reason. I would feel quite unsafe getting into a strangers car down a country road.

I can't believe people just drove past her though without even offering to call a taxi, that's awful.

NameChange84 · 17/12/2020 21:08

When I did my first aid training the trainer (male, 50s), said that he would prefer to get the nearest woman to resuscitate another woman to avoid being accused of “manhandling the breast area” but that if there were no other women around “obviously you can’t leave someone to die, so if you can’t find a female then just proceed but be careful, ensure there are witnesses to cover your back.” I was the only woman on the course. All the men nodded in agreement.

So that gave me a huge insight into how a lot of men think! All women are just a rape accusation waiting to happen, for some men.

draughtycatflap · 18/12/2020 08:13

@NameChange84

When I did my first aid training the trainer (male, 50s), said that he would prefer to get the nearest woman to resuscitate another woman to avoid being accused of “manhandling the breast area”

but that if there were no other women around “obviously you can’t leave someone to die, so if you can’t find a female then just proceed but be careful, ensure there are witnesses to cover your back.” I was the only woman on the course. All the men nodded in agreement.

So that gave me a huge insight into how a lot of men think! All women are just a rape accusation waiting to happen, for some men.

This is why I always carry a pair of extra thick oven gloves about my person. 😬

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