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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH weeks holiday

66 replies

Heartsandunicorns · 15/12/2020 19:09

My DH has announced that he’s going on a sporting holiday next year which will cost roughly £4000!! There was no discussion I was told and no conversation about it. This amount would be our family holiday budget. So I’m now very upset as we didn’t have an adult discussion but he says I’m being unreasonable and selfish. We haven’t spoken in 3 days ! AIBU ??

OP posts:
nosswith · 15/12/2020 19:15

You are assuming it will happen, but on that basis, YANBU. Probably overpaying for what he is getting as well.

Blanca87 · 15/12/2020 19:22

I take it you are either a SAHP or work part time and the big important man thought he could piss HIS money and YOUR time down the drain 🙄?

I mean where do you start with this? Childcare, allocated annual leave, finances. He has basically told you he doesn’t respect you by this one action. The fact that he is not speaking to you after HE did this, is shocking. What a selfish prick.

randomchap · 15/12/2020 19:38

Is it affordable without impacting the family finances?
Would he support you if you decided to go away for a week?
Could you plan a holiday with your friends so he has to do the parenting for a week so you both get a break?

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2020 19:41

Unless he/you can easily afford for you to have an equivalent holiday costing roughly the same amount and he will either do or pay for all the childcare, then he is being massively unreasonable.

Does he normally do this sort of thing?

Meredithgrey1 · 15/12/2020 19:46

Even if they could afford for OP to go away as well at a different time it’s still unreasonable to just announce that it’s happening. Not just the money aspect, but the time as well. It forces the OP to just deal with it.

Original poster
Heartsandunicorns · 15/12/2020 19:49

I do work partime but also work extra weekly. We’ve been silly with money but we’re getting on top of it and be back on our feet the end off 2021 hopefully. So this puts a major dent in our finances plus I’ll need to take holidays to look after 3 DC. He’s never don’t anything like this before, I know it’s been a tough year but we’ll not manage a family holiday next year.

OP posts:
inquietant · 15/12/2020 19:52

That's just not on at all. I would be absolutely livid with the unilateral decision-making.

What a total waste of money

magpiecounter · 15/12/2020 19:53

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much.

Maybe ask if there's a chance you could all go and spend a little time together and try e rest with his friends and you and the children do your thing.

inquietant · 15/12/2020 19:54

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much.

Why on earth is it your job to save for the family holiday???

Leaannb · 15/12/2020 19:56

@magpiecounter

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much.

Maybe ask if there's a chance you could all go and spend a little time together and try e rest with his friends and you and the children do your thing.

What in the ever loving hell.......No. Just No.
lastqueenofscotland · 15/12/2020 19:56

@magpiecounter your DH sounds like an arse.

OP if it means your DC can’t now have a holiday I’d be livid

notalwaysalondoner · 15/12/2020 19:59

It all depends on your overall finances - if you both earn six figures and easily save thousands a month then I’d still expect him to mention it at that cost but wouldn’t necessarily expect to have a veto. But from what you’ve said that’s very much not the case, you’ve had money troubles previously and he’s just decided that it’s fine to blow your annual family holiday budget on himself. What a twat. Does he not feel bad even when you point out it means the kids can’t go on holiday? If not I don’t know what to suggest if he’s that selfish, except maybe leaving him...? If he’s otherwise wonderful and perfect in every way then maybe this is a symptom of something else like a mid life crisis or Covid stress but even so this isn’t a fair way for him to react.

pictish · 15/12/2020 19:59

Um...no. I think holidaying and hobbying with friends is absolutely fine...but as someone else points out, it depends entirely on you to happen what with childcare, annual leave as well as cost. He should have discussed it with you. The fact that it has been presented as a done deal is outrageous really.
I’d be very pissed off with the presumptuous twat.

magpiecounter · 15/12/2020 20:00

@lastqueenofscotland he's just always had holidays with friends since before we met. Apparently it's his only vice and could be worse. He could go out every night!

june2007 · 15/12/2020 20:01

If this is instead of a family holida yanbu if he can commit to a family holida as well then fine.

lastqueenofscotland · 15/12/2020 20:02

@magpiecounter things change when you have a family... he’s still an arse.

billy1966 · 15/12/2020 20:02

🙄
Unbelievable.

Wouldn't happen in my home that's for sure.

Selfish, disrespectful arse.

Changing the locks while he was away would be my answer that.

TopTabby · 15/12/2020 20:02

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much
Jeez, this is so wrong! Just because one partner has the potential to earn more (probably because YOU are doing the majority of the childcare & housework) does NOT mean they get to decide that nobody else is having a holiday.
Wrong on so many levels.

Leaannb · 15/12/2020 20:03

@inquietant

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much.

Why on earth is it your job to save for the family holiday???

More importantly why is it choice because she makes less money?
nancybotwinbloom · 15/12/2020 20:03

Well would you do it to him and if you did what would he say.
There is your answer.

Leaannb · 15/12/2020 20:04

[quote magpiecounter]@lastqueenofscotland he's just always had holidays with friends since before we met. Apparently it's his only vice and could be worse. He could go out every night![/quote]
Your bar for a partner is extremely low...

magpiecounter · 15/12/2020 20:05

@inquietant I think it's because the o only holidays we've ever had were my brothers wedding and when my parents invited us away. So that's two holidays in six years. I think it's just now how we work. I'm better at saving than my husband too as he used credit cards and I use saved money

TopTabby · 15/12/2020 20:05

And sorry OP but your 'd'h is being a massive arse about this. £4,000! How in anybody's thinking can that be ok?

BloggersBlog · 15/12/2020 20:06

Why does he think that it is ok for 1 family member to spend the budget?

happytoday73 · 15/12/2020 20:08

I'd tell him whats good for him is good for you and book an equivalent holiday. Present it as already booked