DH weeks holiday

[Heartsandunicorns]

My DH has announced that he’s going on a sporting holiday next year which will cost roughly £4000!! There was no discussion I was told and no conversation about it. This amount would be our family holiday budget. So I’m now very upset as we didn’t have an adult discussion but he says I’m being unreasonable and selfish. We haven’t spoken in 3 days ! AIBU ??

Holidays apart are fine so long as there is enough money in the pot for equal cositing holidays together and for the other person. It doesn't sound like you have 12 grand to spend on holidays so YANBU. He's taking a sizeable chunk out of the family pot for something just for him. That is insanely selfish and unacceptable in a marriage.

@magpiecounter

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much.

Maybe ask if there's a chance you could all go and spend a little time together and try e rest with his friends and you and the children do your thing.

WTF? You have to save longer for the family holiday - that's not really a family holiday then is it.

I don't understand how couples can exist when each has a different standard of living.

Da fuck is this thread all about??? No way this would never happening in my marriage!!! I'd be kicking H out and telling him if he wants to act like a single man then he can fucking live like one.

Unbelievably self centred!

Fair enough if you also did the same and had. Family holiday too!

I've read this again.

Does this mean you now cannot have a family holiday?

another cyclist? I dont understand all these single person holidays. The only time i had a weekend break was for friends hen does or seeing a friend who lived far. my DH was the same, stag dos and the annual weekend with his mates. Other than that big holidays were for the family. If he had told me he was away for a week spending thousands on a sporting trip i would have lost my rag. Have you asked him who is looking after his DC? Or is this another situation where a woman has gone part time to accomodate having DC and the DH treats them like the hired help...hence the zero discussion

Jesus, I wouldn’t spend that amount of money, let alone £400 without consulting dh. That’s just disrespectful behaviour.
I just said no to dh having a motorcycle license, he can’t even avoid speeding in a car. He’s been caught speeding twice since lockdown 🤦🏼‍♀️
To fuck is he spending money on a motorcycle licence, when a neighbour of ours became a widow from her dh riding irresponsibly.

I am aghast at some of the responses on this thread!

I would go fucking mental at this. DH would be told to not bother coming back. What's the point of him if he prioritises himself over his own children? What a prince among men

@magpiecounter - this is shocking. Why do you think your husbands selfish behaviour is acceptable?

I would be saving for a solicitor...

Oh, and I regularly have my own holidays with friends, or with the DC, but I would never think it was Ok to prioritise a holiday for myself if it meant no other fucker in the family could have a holiday that year.

These men! Their own children!!!!!?????????

Presumably this is the Lions tour?

DH is a big rugby fan (as am I) and I would not be cool with this, it's downright selfish to spend so much of your family budget on making him happy, poor kids!

Tell him he needs to start "saving" for it now. So every time you have steak or fish and chips or something nice for dinner, give him beans on toast and put a pound in the jar. Can he do overtime at the weekend? Tell him he has to fund it.

Why do you need to take holiday to look after DC? If he usually does so, tell him he'll also need to arrange childcare to cover this since it's not your problem.

How is the rest of your marriage, OP? Is his twattery limited to this issue only or is it a more general malaise?

Wait for the drip feed.

He will be going 'hill-walking' in the Czech Republic or some sailing and other water-sport in Thailand or the Philippines. Lots and lots of physical activity - and 'R&R'.

Sorry didn,t see the £4000 mark i thought it said £400. Yes he is being unreasonable.

[quote magpiecounter]@lastqueenofscotland he's just always had holidays with friends since before we met. Apparently it's his only vice and could be worse. He could go out every night![/quote]
Wtf?! What sort of partnership is this? What sort of husband is so selfish meaning his children don’t get a holiday. This is leave the bastard material.

OP I would be so cross too.

My husband is the main wage earner by a long way. We're fortunate in that if he spent that on a sport holiday we'd still be able to have a family holiday. That said DH would absolutely discuss it with me before deciding. For one thing it would mean he'd be away a week and I'd be doing all the childcare. If it meant we couldn't afford a family holiday I doubt DH would even ask about the sport break (assuming it's not a once in a lifetime opportunity to take part on the olympics or something).

The family holiday budget is for the whole family. Not for one person to blow on themselves. Bloody hell, I would not be putting up with this.

Thanks for the reply’s I’m not losing my mind. Think more then anything I’m really disappointed in his behaviour. He is BU but don’t know how we can go forward re this as we’re at loggerheads regarding this. He’s now sleeping in the sofa and I’m in bed. He did say it was discussed with friends and others then within a few days deposit to be paid. We could do a family holiday at a push, if I continue to work extra. It’s just the lack of thought that’s most upsetting

How much was the deposit?

I would personally be thinking of suggesting he choose the relationship or the holiday because it's not a bloody relationship if someone spends £4k you can't really afford without any discussion.

But I'm a bit harsh.

Your really quite passive here. This man is happily skipping off on a sports holiday knowing you as a family cant afford one...interesting you say its affordable if you do extra work. So it does sound like he doesnt value your contribution towards the DC

Crikey op don't you work extra for a holiday tell him he needs to work extra to fund it then use what you have saved for a solicitor 😁

Will your income contribute to his holiday? If yes then separate your finances immediately. Pay a set amount to cover bills into your joint account but keep the rest for yourself.

£4000?! That’s a shitload of money for one person to spend on a holiday unless they are VERY comfortable.

What a selfish man thinking it’s fair to spend this on himself when there isn’t similar amounts of money for a family holiday and for his wife

Good God. I can’t believe women in 2020 put up with this crap from men.
Like others I’ve taken a short holiday without dh and dc but not at the sake of a family holiday and it’s always been discussed and agreed.
Fortunately my dh would prefer to holiday with his family.

@Oreservoir you we would rather holiday without DH as all he does in Moab and complain and criticise others all the time we are away and it spoils it after a while. At least when he goes on holiday with his friends we are spared that joy for a week 🤣

[quote magpiecounter]@lastqueenofscotland he's just always had holidays with friends since before we met. Apparently it's his only vice and could be worse. He could go out every night![/quote]
Jesus talk about low expectations.

I used to like shagging random men before I met DH - can I carry on doing that?