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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH weeks holiday

66 replies

Heartsandunicorns · 15/12/2020 19:09

My DH has announced that he’s going on a sporting holiday next year which will cost roughly £4000!! There was no discussion I was told and no conversation about it. This amount would be our family holiday budget. So I’m now very upset as we didn’t have an adult discussion but he says I’m being unreasonable and selfish. We haven’t spoken in 3 days ! AIBU ??

OP posts:

wingingit987 · 15/12/2020 22:54

That's fucking terrible.

Does he actually have any respect for you or your family?

If he feels that he is entitled to spend more money as he works full time then I would say then he would need to find the money for full time childcare so you could work full time, a cleaner I guess to do all the things in the house that you do?

He's not number 1 his family is.

Youseethethingis · 15/12/2020 22:58

I couldn’t look at the selfish prick either.
Trust people’s actions, not their words. His actions are telling you the following are not important:

financial stability for his family
family holiday and the benefits of that for his children
the health of his marriage, showing respect for his wife and the team you are both supposed to be in together
your time

If this one action is only a symptom then the disease is deadly. He needs to pull his head out of his arse before he makes an irretrievable farce of his marriage.

wingingit987 · 15/12/2020 22:59

@magpiecounter

He sounds awful.

He has to go away every year with his mates and bangs it all on credit cards.

You have to save your money for a family holiday. And if he goes all he does is moan and not have a nice time with his family.... kids are only small once.

MostlyHappyMummy · 15/12/2020 23:00

Sometimes mumsnet is like the twilight zone, what women put up with is truly astounding

dysoncansuckit · 15/12/2020 23:05

Magpie your husband sounds like one of the shittest blokes I've ever heard of. Your kids witnessing this is how family life works is very depressing.

Op I'd be telling him to fuck off and live with his mates.

Phrowzunn · 15/12/2020 23:36

Yeah, I agree with PP to be honest I would be insisting that he forfeit the deposit and not go. Or he can go and not bother coming back. It’s not actually the act in itself, it’s what the act tells you about how little he respects or values you and your children. I honestly don’t think I could get over how little he thought of me.

PerveenMistry · 16/12/2020 01:56

@Phrowzunn

Agree with this. What a slap in the face.

I mean, wtaf???

MessAllOver · 16/12/2020 05:27

If you work extra for a family holiday, make it clear it's for you and the kids, not him. Leave him behind... that's one ticket price saved.

Tbh I'm not sure how you get past this... It shows irresponsibility and contempt towards your family at a time when you're trying to make good financial decisions.

BethlehemIsInTier1 · 16/12/2020 05:39

@magpiecounter

My husband often takes a holiday with his friends and that's our family holiday for the year as we can either afford a family week away or his holiday. As I earn less it's his choice as I have to save longer for the family holiday so we Can't go away as much.

Maybe ask if there's a chance you could all go and spend a little time together and try e rest with his friends and you and the children do your thing.

So your husband is a selfish man as father as well?

BritWifeinUSA · 16/12/2020 05:58

But it’s not going to stop at 4 grand, is it? That’ll be the cost of the air fare, accommodations and tickets to see the event. He will need to eat and restaurant prices will be high if there’s a major sporting event going on in that location. Is this for the rugby? Olympics? There will likely be drinking as well.

It’s totally unreasonable to tell you that he’s going. It’s not unreasonable to want to go and to discuss it with you. Just as it’s also not unreasonable for you to say “no”.

MinnieMountain · 16/12/2020 07:14

So not only will you have to take leave to do the childcare for his massively expensive holiday, you’re looking at working extra hours to solve an problem (no family holiday) of his creating?

Fuck me OP. What an arsehole.

Has he said how it’s justified? Other than some bollocks about him deserving it?

BarbaraofSeville · 16/12/2020 07:19

How on earth can he drop a bombshell like that and have the nerve to call you 'unreasonable and selfish'.

I'd be pointing him towards the nearest mirror if he wants to see who's being 'unreasonable and selfish'.

howdoyouknow123 · 16/12/2020 07:20

Where the heck is he going for 4K that's crazy money for a holiday.

On the flip side OP with brexit and COVID it might be a nightmare for them to travel next year

ThornAmongstRoses · 16/12/2020 07:31

I’d be upset too OP, that’s a huge amount of money to unilaterally decide he’s spending it on himself at the sacrifice of a family holiday. That’s not on at all.

My husband is going away for a week next year but he’s saved up for it with his own money, there’s absolutely no way on earth he would just take it from our joint account and tell me that he’s going on holiday.

And magpie - your husband sounds like an absolute twat. How on earth can you think his attitude is acceptable?! Good God.

timeisnotaline · 16/12/2020 07:36

[quote magpiecounter]@inquietant I think it's because the o only holidays we've ever had were my brothers wedding and when my parents invited us away. So that's two holidays in six years. I think it's just now how we work. I'm better at saving than my husband too as he used credit cards and I use saved money[/quote]
It’s because your husband is a bit of an arse actually. All the rest is just incidental.

timeisnotaline · 16/12/2020 07:39

There is no planet on which this is ok!! What are your options op? I’d tell him I can’t take that week as holiday, so he will have to work something out, and tell him you are seriously upset at how little he cares about his family. And if he can’t prioritise his children then you can’t prioritise him. Seriously think to cancel any subscriptions he is the only one who uses, stop buying food he likes, and transfer any savings from this to your account as the only one who will save for a family holiday.

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