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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A friend said I am chubby

109 replies

Newmummmm · 15/12/2020 15:21

I have nc for this.

So, just been out for a walk with my friend and she's one of those friends that tells it how it is. She's very open and honest about things and it's one of my favourite traits about her. We were having a good old chat about life etc and then I told her how I was on a diet as I'm trying to lose about 7 pounds. We spoke about it for a bit and then I asked her "Be honest, do you think I'm fat?" and she replied "No, your definitely not fat, just a little chubby". I want to point out, I'm not offended in anyway, I wouldn't of asked her otherwise because I knew she'd be honest and I also know I need to lose weight, hence me on a diet. But, is she trying to be a little polite by saying that? Is chubby just a nicer way of putting it?

OP posts:
PillowPrincess · 15/12/2020 17:25

Even if you think all fats wobble

It still is not correct that if you wobble you are fat because its at least agreed that you can be thin visually and by bmi but wobble when you walk.. even runners and athletes have thighs that jiggle. There is a name for this sort of illogical conclusions.

Newmummmm · 15/12/2020 17:27

I posted here for the traffic and I sure got itGrin!

To those telling me it was incredibly rude to put my friend in that position, for one, that wasn’t the subject of my question, she’s a very good friend and I can assure you that no “atmosphere” has been created with me asking her this. She’s a very good friend of many years and if you knew the things we’ve asked each other in the past, this really wouldn’t be anything to worry about.

I’m not insulted. I said I wasn’t in my OP. I appreciate her honesty and as I said, I wouldn’t have mentioned it to her if I was going to get offended.

Of course I have scales and eyes etc. Yes, I know I need to loose weight, hence why I am dieting but I just didn’t understand the word ‘chubby’ I guess. I've never heard anyone be described like that before unless it's a baby. She is the type to tell me I’m fat if I am so I guess I shouldn’t have posted on here.

To whoever asked my height and weight I am 5ft3 and 65.8kg. So, according to the NHS bmi calculator, my bmi is 25.7 which puts me in the overweight category and I need to loose 7lbs.

Thank you to the helpful commenters who have answered my question perfectly such as @Gwenhwyfar & @Eckhart it is much appreciatedSmile

OP posts:
CardoMondo · 15/12/2020 17:28

She was saying “yes you are a bit fat, but not massively so”.

Rudolphian · 15/12/2020 17:28

You asked her and she answered politely.
I wouldn't call people fat or chubby.
But you put her on the spot.
If someone asked me I would answer honestly and that would include saying yeah I think you are fat.

AldiAisleofCrap · 15/12/2020 17:31

Fat/chubby mean the same thing , she is just trying not to hurt your feelings.

PreRaphaeliteMotherhood · 15/12/2020 17:31

@PillowPrincess

Even if you think all fats wobble

It still is not correct that if you wobble you are fat because its at least agreed that you can be thin visually and by bmi but wobble when you walk.. even runners and athletes have thighs that jiggle. There is a name for this sort of illogical conclusions.

Yep. I wobbled less at 10st than I did at 8st. I have a friend who is a perfectly healthy BMI but is weirdly doughy and soft. I’ve never met anyone so squidgy! Also as you get older, you tend to get more wobbly regardless of size/weight. I’ve just had a baby. My abdomen is a totally jelloid mess and the cellulite is insane but I’m still only just ‘overweight’.
Spodge · 15/12/2020 17:34

I'd take that as meaning she thinks you're overweight but not obese.

LisaLee333 · 15/12/2020 17:38

@Havenly

I despise people who think "telling it like it is" is a positive attribute. To me, they lack emotional intelligence. They probably think being "sassy" is a compliment.
I hate people like this too, who think that if they are brutally honest, that it makes them assertive and - like you said - act like it's a positive attribute.

Yeah, if you ask someone if they think you need to lose weight, then expect an honest answer. But saying 'you're a bit chubby' is a bit rude. That said, it's more than possible than she meant no malice, and just worded it a bit shittily.

Being nasty is someone dishing out an unwarranted and un-asked for negative opinion. Like I have witnessed someone just blatantly commenting that someone is gaining weight, without being asked if they think it.

One woman I used to work with, thought it was OK to say to a young woman we worked with that it was 'about time she lost all that baby weight.' She gained 4 stone during the pregnancy, and had lost 2 stone by the time the baby was 3 months old.

She struggled with the other 2 stone, as she had PND, and worked 3 days a week, and looked after her elderly mother. So by the time the baby was only 5 months old, she had not lost any weight in 2 months.

This woman at work decided to tell her she needed to get a grip, sort herself out, and shift the other 2 stone.

The young mother fled to the toilets and cried for 5 minutes. The bitchy fucker shrugged her shoulders and said 'I can't help it if people are so sensitive.'

Stupid cow.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2020 17:40

"But saying 'you're a bit chubby' is a bit rude"

What the hell was she supposed to say?

soschreibfaul · 15/12/2020 18:04

Chubby is a little bit overweight which you are by your own admission, as losing 7lbs would take you to the top of your BMI healthy range.

What she said was fine unless you really wanted her to lie.

'You're definitely not fat, just a little chubby'. What could be clearer?

ohgetoveryourself · 15/12/2020 18:09

She is trying to be polite but also tell the truth. Telling someone they are thin when they aren’t is a really bad idea but at the same time, she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so is softening it a little. I am sure she will love you regardless of size! It really takes skill to tell someone something hard to hear without hurting them. As you have said, you only have 7lbs to lose so chubby would be an accurate description.

Marmite17 · 15/12/2020 18:11

Seriously? I only need to look at myself/ weigh myself to know I'm overweight.It doesn't affect my relationships You put her in in difficult situation by asking. Your friend has a relationship with you- unrelated to your weight. Would you be offended if she agreed that you were blond?

Iris5543 · 15/12/2020 18:25

My daughter called me chubby...I’m a size 10!
You asked she told you.

seventhrow · 15/12/2020 18:27

Chubby to me sounds like “an extra layer of padding so maybe not your fighting weight, however not a ridiculous effort to slim down a little”. Some people are very happy being chubby as they know that the extra weight comes from lifestyle choices (wine, chocolate) that they enjoy and they don’t want to give up - and don’t have a huge incentive to give them up as overall they’re not unhealthy. Plus, chubby doesn’t get in the way of being conventionally attractive.

Fat, to me, means a massive lifestyle change and a slog to get down to happy chubby.

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.

feelingverylazytoday · 15/12/2020 18:29

@Koffeekake

I dont think chubby means fat. I think chubby is when you are curvy: thick thighs, nice rounded stomach, a little wobbly. Where as fat is noticeably overweight
What you described is noticeably overweight.
Unicant · 15/12/2020 18:33

I think chubby just means not thin... I wouldn't say it means 'fat' so yeah, just mildly overweight. I think of myself as chubby I'm a size 12-14 and 5ft 7.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/12/2020 18:34

Well you did ask her I suppose. However If you're only wanting to lose 7lb you're hardly won't fit in your coffin size are you. How skinny do you have to be until you're not classed as chubby. When you can see bones through the skin.
Incidentally telling it how it is is not always the best trait to have.

Not everyone will thank her for it. Being honest with you her friend is one thing, going up to a complete stranger and saying something like "Oh your hairs looking a,mess today is very much another.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/12/2020 18:47

I thought it was rude until I read that you'd asked her point blank.

DrManhattan · 15/12/2020 18:49

Well done to those of you who answered the question perfectly Hmm
What a load of ***

AnaisNun · 15/12/2020 18:55

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

My exH once described me as chubby. I was 9 stone 5 at 5 foot 7, had v little fat on me as was running 5+ times a week and dancing 2-3 times. I had an eating disorder.

He would have described anything above skin and bone as “chubby”. You can imagine how I felt postpartum...

I’m now definitely chubby at around 13 stone, after our son- but I’m a husband lighter...

PillowPrincess · 15/12/2020 19:17

Answered perfectly? Stickers please miss!
You just liked the answers that confirm your insecurity. Weird. But then what is to be expected from someone that asks their blunt friend that question and then comes on here to ask strangers that again.
Is this a weird stealth self loathing/pain motivates me sort of thing?

HolyBuckets · 15/12/2020 19:20

You're almost the exact same weight and height as me. Yes we are a bit chubby Grin

Newmummmm · 15/12/2020 19:30

@PillowPrincess there's always oneGrin anyway, have a lovely Christmas.

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 15/12/2020 20:08

@PillowPrincess
Lol totally agree

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/12/2020 20:38

@AnaisNun. Glad to hear you got rid of him. Im not surprised you were ill.
The horrible twat! I fuckin despise bullies.
Sorry for my language.

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