To fucking hate printers? (A rant about HP Instant Ink)

[QuestionableMouse]

Trying to print a returns label with my shit goblin of a printer. It's black and white and the black cartridge is full. The colour one has an issue apparently and so I can't print anything.

I also can't get a replacement cartridge from Instant Ink until I resolve the problem yet I've ran through all of the steps at least three times without them fixing anything and the problem only started with the cartridge they sent me. I've given in and ordered a new colour cartridge because I'm so frustrated.

Why are printers so fucking frustrating?! It's one black and white page ffs!

There’s a section in Caitlin Moran’s book about how printers are Satan - like they have one job but dare you actually ask them to do that job in a timely fashion.
I used to have one that I would have to gently warm with a hairdryer before it would deign to produce documents for me.

I used to have one that I would have to gently warm with a hairdryer before it would deign to produce documents for me.

How on earth did you figure that out the first time?!

It's sitting there looking all innocent when it won't fucking work. I just want my returns label, you useless thing.

I really wouldn't recommend instant ink either... They've been absolutely no help and keep telling me to run through the recovery steps.

Which I've done three times and it isn't helping.

You are so right and I share your pain.

I bought a really expensive one at the beginning of lockdown, because it was all that the shops had left. It must have printed about 25 pages in 6 months, all in black and white.

But the little bastard won’t print now because apparently, somehow, it has run out of magenta. How????

It’s the cost of the ink cartridges that gives me the rage.

Obligatory link to the Cat vs Printer YouTube clip:

@AnathemaPulsifer

I used to have one that I would have to gently warm with a hairdryer before it would deign to produce documents for me.

How on earth did you figure that out the first time?!

So it was when I lived in a freezing cold house at university. We could only afford heating on now and then and I noticed that it only worked when the room was a bit warmer, so instead of warming the whole house just for this precious little snowflake of a printer, I’d warm it with the hairdryer instead. My gran knitted it a scarf once but it wasn’t even content with this.

I didn't bother with instant ink for my printer. I just get cartridges when I need them, and I reckon I actually save money and hassle.

I haven't used inkjet since I had a falling out with Epsom about 15-20 years ago because I couldn't print a page of black text because there was no yellow ink available.

I had hardly printed any colour print at all, yet the printer wasted some of every cartridge every time you switched it on while cleaning the jets.

I complained and received a patronising response about how it was a colour printer so needed colour ink to work.

Since then, I've used mono laser printers and almost never have to buy ink. I've just bought my third laser printer, replacing the last one that stopped working after about 9 years. I think I had to buy one extra cartridge for the old one and the new one came with a starter cartridge that is likely to last me 2-3 years at least.

In the rare event I want to print a photograph, I can get it done in a supermarket or online for less than the cost of buying photo quality paper to do it myself, even before taking the ink racket into account.

Get on eBay and buy a printer ink chip resetter for leas than a tenner.. It's a little gizmo you hold up to the ink cartridge chip and tells it that you do have ink! And surprise surprise, you do. LONG after your printer has declared it empty and dead.

It also allows you to use third party inks. Take that Epson ya greedy bastards!

I recommend you take a leaf out of the Office Space book on this one...

It's printing, apparently. Despite being sat there like a big useless paperweight.

Why are they all so universally shit?!

It's dangerously close to going out of the window 🙄🙄😂😂

they have one job but dare you actually ask them to do that job in a timely fashion.

That should be the dictionary definition of a printer, it's so accurate!!

Sorry to hear you're having problems. I find with mine that if I walk away and pretend I no longer need it to print it often starts work. A little reverse psychology works wonders.

[quote SisyphusDad]Obligatory link to the Cat vs Printer YouTube clip: [/quote]
LOL I came here to post exactly that!

I also hate printers but luckily don't need to use one much so manage without.
When I was looking before, I came to the conclusion that laserjet might be better as no drying up of ink, which seemed to be my previous downfall.
Cartridges are expensive though but print many pages but only black. Also, you just drop the whole cartridge in instead of those fiddly little ones. They freak me out when they move when you are fiddling around and I worry that I might lose a finger!

Oh god. We have a HP printer too and it I actually loathe the thing. DH stays away from me when I have to use it.

Nothing in the world gets me so angry as that damn printer.

This is

@Ozgirl75

There’s a section in Caitlin Moran’s book about how printers are Satan - like they have one job but dare you actually ask them to do that job in a timely fashion. I used to have one that I would have to gently warm with a hairdryer before it would deign to produce documents for me.

This is cracking me up!

Mine said the ink was empty so I left it for a while then I thought I'd chance it anyway, switched it on and apparently the ink was about 80% full? Magic.

I have two printers. Both are dicks. I think there must be some observation hardware on them because as far as I can tell, they only don't work when you need them in a hurry. Last time I was desperate for documents as someone was coming round for them and I had to chip reset every ink, and the paper jammed with a horrifying crunch every time I pressed start. I think I actually cried because it was something rather important and frustration made me emotional.

The day before when I was leisurely printing off some homework? Fine.
The day after when I was in no hurry to print a photocopy of my passport? Not a problem. The SECOND it senses I need something it turns into an obstinate prick.

Oh God yes. Hate all of the fuckers, ever

I hated my HP printer because it knew when I started to use non-HP ink. After quite a while HP's programme will stuff up your printer because it wants you to use their ridiculously-priced ink. Despite my username, I came perilously close to smashing said printer to bits one day after trying all the fixes and get arounds offered by others who'd come up against the same thing.

I went out and bought a Canon Which?-recommended printer instead.

I have a much better one now but even this one occasionally tells my phone that “printer is not found” even though I’m standing next to it, saying “you’re right there you absolute utter piece of shit”.
I agree with the poster above though and sometimes I’ll say to it “fine, I’ll just take my phone and I won’t even print a ticket” and then of suddenly it will print it out fine. Twat.

@SisyphusDad awwwww you beat me too it!!