To fucking hate printers? (A rant about HP Instant Ink)

[QuestionableMouse]

Trying to print a returns label with my shit goblin of a printer. It's black and white and the black cartridge is full. The colour one has an issue apparently and so I can't print anything.

I also can't get a replacement cartridge from Instant Ink until I resolve the problem yet I've ran through all of the steps at least three times without them fixing anything and the problem only started with the cartridge they sent me. I've given in and ordered a new colour cartridge because I'm so frustrated.

Why are printers so fucking frustrating?! It's one black and white page ffs!

The hours I’ve wasted on printer issues!

Either you can’t find the printer on the network, or you find it but the printer refuses for some unknown reason to print. Aargh. Then you go into denial and try multiple times to send the document to the printer and end up with a billion copies in the printing queue but nothing happening.
Then you stare at the printer for a while and sometimes it makes hopeful noises. Usually nothing happens after that, but if it does acquiesce and start to print, lo and behold, the new ink you’ve just spend a fortune on runs out after printing 2 pages. So you replace the ink cartridge and try again. Ink isn’t recognised by the printer. Murderously you fiddle about and finally you get it going again, and what happens? Paper gets jammed or the printing comes out squint. At this point you’ve wasted an hour, half a forest of paper and a months salary on ink, raised your blood pressure to worrying heights and still haven’t printed out the document you need.

Printers are fucking evil bastards.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I've had the exact same issue this week with HP. No phone number to contact them and the Advisor bot on their website gave me the rage.

To YOU, it's an 'advisor'; to THEM, it's a mechanised off-fobber.

I so get the rage with machines designed to gaslight you into thinking that you're the one to blame. We've had a number of Panasonic HDD recorders, which are brilliant most of the time, but they can be prone to failure (they have a 'Deskstar' HDD which I believe is widely referred to in the trade as the 'Deathstar'). When the HDD fails to properly record a programme - and it's always 'operation stopped/was unsuccessful', no actual apologies at all - it recommends that you 'use another disc'. Like your car breaking down on the motorway and giving you an error message telling you to try using an alternative engine to proceed.

Oh god yes the chat bot thing almost sent me over the edge. And apparently the real person I messaged got back to me in the hour I was away from my phone but because I didn't reply instantly they've closed my case and I have to get back to them.

I have to do full-on foreplay with my HP printer before it will put out.

I have to gently turn its WiFi off, then on again. Then I have to set the document to print (it won't put out if there's already a document in the queue), within a 45 second slot.

Sometimes it requires me to reset its WPS too, the coy little minx.

I think I scared mine into good behaviour because it printed instantly today when I needed it. 🙄

Wonder how long that lasts 🙄😂

It's not even just the abject failure to print and other bad behaviour that infuriates me the most, but the nagging and patronising when it tells you to add more paper or change the ink and then instantly screams at you that the paper tray or ink-holder section is open. That alone would be enough to make you want to punch the printer in the face if it were human!

That 'function' must have been programmed by the same person as programs all the self-service checkouts to invite you to press a button to add your own bag, and press 'done' when you've put your bag on, and then start screaming for an assistant in accusatory shock and surprise when it senses that something the weight of the average shopping bag has been put on the scanned-items bit - you know, like we just confirmed one second ago. Maybe I'm misunderstanding something here, but surely if you were trying to steal something, you just wouldn't put it on the scales bit in the first place? Actually telling it to weigh something that you're intending to steal and not scan must surely be advised against on page 1 of 'How To Shoplift And Get Away With It'.

I had a similar issue the other week I couldn't get the printer working. I give up in the end and waited for dh to sort it out.
I'm annoyed that the prices have increased Without even sending me an email to tell me next month will be £9.99 a month but it does work out cheaper than buying new cartridges every month.