Aibu it's a MIL thing. She turns up all the time. Not even Lockdown can stop her.

[dingledongmerrilymysky]

My MIL tends to invite herself over, this is a general thing she has always done since I had my first Dc. I think she makes up her mind to come and even if I say I'm not home she takes no notice and comes anyway. I think she doesn't believe me that I'm busy. Example being she calls my mobile saying she's phoned the house and no answer. I say I'm in IKEA so don't come over I'm busy. I get home hours later and she's having a hot chocolate in my kitchen anyway . Yes she has a key, but I've found her sitting in my garden or out on my wall when she's forgotten her key and come anyway, when I've said I'm going out or am out somewhere else. I don't agree to head back for her and I tell her not to come if I'm busy.
I'm a SAHM so I'm generally home but she won't come unless it's on her terms. I don't even mind her letting herself in to be honest IF I'd agreed to be there and I was late. She's not the nosey type and sadly she doesn't clean my house either. The issue is the lack of listening to when it's not convenient. Like I'm having someone else over ( pre- Covid)

Now she keeps telling me she is coming for the weekend as we are in a support bubble. I just don't want her here all the time, and not for a whole weekend. She doesn't listen and I clearly say no and she just comes anyway. I actually said no not this weekend. She of course never asks DH, she never actually asks me to be fair, she tells me she's coming. So she came for a weekend before and now how can I stop her coming again? I said it was a one off. My DH says to stop stressing she won't come, and he agrees that we don't want her here all the time or she'll bloody be moving in next. She will 100% just turn up again. It's very awkward, I appreciate she's lonely and it's fine sometimes, but not all the time and not uninvited. So unless I kick out Grandma infront of the kids what can I do? I'm feeling very manipulated. I don't see how I can deal with her. I would think she's unwell mentally, but she's very much a selfish person and if you asked her to even come round for her grandchild's birthday and it didn't suit her she wouldn't come.

I might need to get the locks changed as step 1 .. maybe move and not tell her where? This situation is ridiculous. I get on dne with her, I don't hate her, but I don't want her over every damn weekend.

Tell your DH to say “ you can’t come round this weekend, we are buying your Christmas present and wrapping it”. Defers the issue for a week at least.

Change the locks tomorrow.
Set up text msg on yr mobile ‘Thank you for your call, I’m not available to speak at this time’ - do not be available as & when she rings you.

Actions speak louder than words

What is he doing about his mother?

We have this. The only solution is to be consistently out (for several hours or preferably all weekend) when they come. After a few wasted trips, they began phoning first (and we could say we were out even if we weren't). In your case you would need to change the locks first.

Change the locks, ignore her banging at the door, get your DH to tell her to wait to be invited.

You have to draw a line, get through to her somehow or your life will never be your own.

Change the locks. If you get home and find her sat freezing her arse off on your garden wall, suddenly remember you have more errands to run outside of the home.

@SnackSizeRaisin yep I should have stayed at IKEA all day that time. Maybe we'll have to go on a weekend away this weekend ( not probably tye easiest thing to do atm) I bet I'd find her at our house Monday morning waiting to prove we were lying about being busy. The thing is I do see her, I'm not always avoiding her. It's just too much.

@slipperywhensparticus DH works long hours and some weekends. He is generally is never here when she is. He was here that weekend though and we agreed she can come in Feb again. She says she's coming this weekend again ?! Ahhhhhhhh I'm going to have to get him to speak to her. She'll cry for sure. It's so difficult, I'm not unsympathetic, she's old, lonely although perfectly able bodied.

Agree with PP’s. Change the locks and ask your DH to tell her she can’t keep coming over anymore, it’s so intrusive.

You need to play hardball as everything you've done so far has had no effect. You need to be very firm and tell her that it's not convenient

Locks need to be changed for a start and don't give her a bloody key or there's no point

Start with changing the locks.

Surely the first step is a sit down conversation with this woman. It should be your DH saying it all obviously. "DM/MIL, we need to talk. I love you, but you aren't being respectful of our boundaries. These are the days/times when it is convenient for you to come, and these are the days it is not. Please listen to what we are saying because we don't like the thought of you sitting in the garden in the cold when we are out, and we don't like coming home and finding you in our home when we are not there."

God, that is an MIL problem. Ironically if she didn’t just turn up you’d probably invite her to do more with you. Eg dinner Friday night, cinema two weeks time etc.

Change locks, block her number?

Or, can you put her to use when she's there? "MIL, I'm glad you're here, I need you to clean the oven, scrub the floor, change the beds, homeschool the kids, make the dinner..."

Is she technologically literate? If she had zoom calls with friends would that keep her occupied? You could have a look for local groups that are meeting online and sign her up. There are some online cooking classes, some knitting/crafting groups, pub quiz groups, U3A, WI groups that meet online. Perhaps you could sign her up to something as a Christmas present? Then at least there might be some time each week that you know she won't be knocking on the door.

That's a total lack of boundaries and should have been stopped ages ago.

Could you not say you just want some peace and quiet next time she suggests a visit.

You're a very tolerate and patient human being.

How old is she? How far away does she live?

She is not helpful, she will make herself a cup of tea and not anyone else ! She's 75 and yes can do zoom etc. She's pretty active, but nicer been a housewife type.

I do need boundaries, my patience has worn out.

Changing the locks makes sense, but you absolutely need to get your DH on board with this otherwise he will just give her a key. It isn't his time that's being disrupted, is it?

Have you spoken to him about it? What does he say?

You need to create some proper boundaries as soon as possible. Change the locks, tell her she's not having a key and don't answer when she calls

Change the locks, get a ring doorbell, and when you're home keep the door locked from the inside.

Basically you have to make sure she is never rewarded for her bullheaded rudeness.

Ensure she is always inconvenienced.

And yes, change the locks and yes make a team with your dh.

If she turns up this weekend you have a migraine/stomach bug so DH will have to do everything while you are ill in bed.

Block her number, change the locks, DO NOT LET HER IN! What a nerve this woman has. DH sounds like a wet lettuce.

Chance the locks.

Tell you husband to sort this out.

Good luck, because both will be very difficult.

Never

Lives 45 mins drive away