To cut ties with her..?

[ineedabreak1]

Hi all - please excuse me for how this is probably going to sound. I'm well aware it sounds completely childish and can't deny that. It's embarrassing!

So I have been friends with this particular girl for around 10 years now, alongside some other close friends. Known each other since our school days. She has always been a difficult person to get along with. When things are good they're great, and when things are bad it's awful. She gets verbally abusive, throws around accusations and nasty nasty words, and gets very personal to spite you.

Usually when she turns on me, I've done absolutely NOTHING wrong. I can hand on heart say that. She is invited to everything we do because she gets very cruel if she believes to be left out (even though she's got two children to take care of, under the age of 6) we are frankly scared to even consider doing something as a friendship group without her.
Recently she send me vile and extremely hurtful abusive messages because she believes that I've been ignoring her and deliberately leaving her out. This is not the case. I haven't left my home in over a week due to having to self isolate.

I cant even begin to explain the hurtful things she's done to both me and my friends in the time we have known her. Think along the lines of trying to seduce my friends husband, sending him naked photos and verbally abusing us constantly.

The other week, she completely smashed up her home whilst arguing with her on / off partner. She punched holes in the walls, the kids were in bed. It was 3.30am. She called me, and guess what. I went running over to see if she's okay. I tired and cleaned after her and settled the children down again whilst she went off trying to find her boyfriend that had left the home and driven away.

Fast forward to last week. Same kind of thing happened. She was in pieces after another argument with her partner. Absolutely hysterical and crying down the phone so guess who went round again to comfort her. I was there until 12 midnight feeding the kids dinner, bathing them and getting them into bed whilst she sobbed and screamed and tried to smash the house up again.

It's been a good few days now, I've not heard a word from her. Not a thank you (don't expect one) or anything. She has been in a group chat with my friends and I for years as we find it the easiest way to keep in touch. Last night at 1:40 she wrote a long message in the chat. It woke me up and so I opened the app, and noticed that she then immediately deleted it. Today she has been writing indirect statues on sucks media about friends that don't care, don't bother or are selfish and that she deserves better than that.

I wrote 'good morning happy Monday' in our group conversation this morning (there's 9 of us in this group and it's so much easier than individual messages) and she left the conversation.

It isn't necessarily this that upsets me. I think I saw it coming. She has always been hard work and I don't know why I put up with it like I do. It's draining me and If I'm honest I feel I only stick by her because I feel so utterly sorry for the children.

I know this sounds like high school drama with the whole 'social media' and group chat stuff, but it is the only way we can all keep in touch as we all lead very busy lives.

I guess I'm asking, what on earth do I do now.

Hope that made sense - sorry it's a long one. X

She sounds really unwell and needs psychiatric help. Her poor children.

It sounds a lot more than high school to me! I think she needs professional help to be honest and I’m really concerned about her children. She should not be left alone with them with such serious anger issues. If she’s verbally abusing everyone else, I doubt her children are left out. I think the friendship is the last thing you should be worried about

@KinseyWinsey yes I do agree. She's so spiteful and I just don't think I can take anymore. It's causing a huge rift in my relationship as well as I'm always upset or stressed either worrying about her and the kids or due to things she's directly said or done to me. I know it sounds selfish but I also struggle with my mental health (anxiety) and this isn't healthy for me any more.

She has family around her but I don't honestly know how involved they are. X

@Bookwormbitch yes I agree. She has had social services involved a number of times now but not slot seems to change.

Not a lot *

This is not a normal friendship. It's too toxic. There's no way I'd be in touch with someone so vile let alone be running after them and I'm so sorry that you've found yourself in a position where you find this acceptable.

@goldielockdown2 thank you, I think you're right. I can't believe off let myself get to this level with her. She overrules my life, I find myself sat here worrying about her or what she's going to do or say. It's constant.

Mostly feel sorry for her children. She clearly needs a lot of help but not from you, you have your own life to lead. Definitely cut ties with her, she sounds utterly exhausting.

Yeah I couldn't deal with someone who behaved like this.

@Simplyunacceptable thank you for being understanding. I was really afraid of getting backlash from this but I just can't cope with it any more. My DP and I are trying to conceive and like you say, have our own lives and concerns and things to deal with.
I feel bad for leaving her but at the same time I just can't be bought down like this constantly. It's so depressing.

She sounds like she has anger management issues at the very least. She needs the help of mental health professionals who specialise n whatever is causing her extreme issues. Assuming you're not qualified to provide this help (and as a friend it's not your place to do so anyway) you shouldn't feel guilty about removing yourself from the situation. Maybe losing friends will give her the kick she needs to sort out some of her issues.

I would turn the tables on her, agree with her posts saying you too feel let down by some of your friends. You feel when you provide support it's never appreciated and no one thanks you so you are no longer offering suppprt

@IMNOTSHOUTING yes I agree. She's obviously in a bad place but if I'm honest she's been like this since her school days. Always extremely spiteful. I am quite a forgiving person and I will be the first to say, I recognise in myself that I am a pushover and easily manipulated and I am trying to work on that. I don't want her to think she can get away with this any more.

I'm sadly not a professional in this sector so can't help there x

I can't believe you thought you'd get a backlash over this. I genuinely would have told his woman to sort herself out for her kids and also fuck off.

So as not to drip feed - I should probably add this.

I can't lie. I'm afraid of her and what she's capable of. She's got restraining orders on some ex friends and boyfriends as she goes completely mad and drives to their homes and places of work, throws stones at their windows and again verbally abused them. I know she obviously knows where I live and work and I'm scared of the repercussions of what she could do if I cut ties.

Walk away and telephone SS
I think she needs professional support.

@ineedabreak1 It almost sounds like she might have a personality disorder. If she doesn't get help it's unlikely she'll change and she clearly won't respond to any rational discussion so I'd cut ties personally.

You all, friends and partner, need to sit her down, be very firm and get her to seek professional help. This is not normal and none of you should not have to put up with this. The children should not be growing up in such completely toxic and dysfunctional environment. Bitchy Facebook statuses are the least of her/your problems.

Walk away and report to social services.

You can simply block her number and not respond to any messages.

If she turns up at the house report to the police.

Thanks all. The amount of times I've tried to rationalise with her is just ridiculous.

She sent naked pictures to the husband of one of the women in your group of 9 WhatsApp friends? And 7 of you immediately let her down by not blocking her then.

I would have said - alert SS then ditch her, but SS already know.

Yep really. We should have cut ties with her a long time ago, but she always finds a way to work her way back in and I'm sick of trying to accommodate her and her needs all of the time. She's so cruel and I just can't take any more of it.

Yes - SS are aware and I guess monitoring. I don't know how it all works.

Call the police if she gives you any strife like throwing stones or causing a scene or other damage.

You aren't quipped to deal with this person because you're not trained in mental health support.

You are vulnerable to her behaviour.

It must be so stressful for you.

So her children must be suffering horribly. I wonder what can be done for them?

@KinseyWinsey I will do.. Thank you. Honestly if I wasn't living this life I'd have thought this was out of a book or something. It's hell 😩

I do really feel for the children. They are probably the only reason I 'stay' any try to be there for them.

I just can't take that responsibility any longer.