My DH just sold a house warming gift we received on Ebay without telling me.

[Lauracrazygirl]

So my dad gave us a beautiful wine rack as a house warming present (moved into our house 2 years ago).
Unfortunately its really big and we couldn't find a place to put it. So I put it in a cupboard and kinda forgot about it.

My husband said today "hey, you know that wine rack we don't use, I've sold it on Ebay do you think it's ok just to wrap it in bubble wrap or should I get a box?"

I was taken aback, why didn't he check with me first before selling it? Yeah we don't use it but it was a gift from my dad.

Am I right to be annoyed?

Why you don't think it was his to sell? It was a joint gift

If it was a gift given personally to OP’s DH then it is his gift to sell. This was a joint gift so therefore it warranted a brief convo with the other joint recipient as to whether it gets sold or not. It’s a basic courtesy I would have thought

OMG! So many replies!

Its really interesting reading different people perspectives on how married couples deal with clutter, especially gifts.

But just for the record,

My husband and I had a chat and I explained it wasn't so much the selling it but it was not telling me about it.
He apologised and said he understood were I was coming from and feels bad that he didn't check with me first.

Also for the record, I am not a hoarder! I swear my husband has more clothes than me!
It's just gifts that I struggle to get rid of.

Just be glad you don't have to give it house room for the next 20+ years because it was a gift from family and had sentimental value.

Of course he should have checked! It was a joint present and as such the decision to sell it should have been joint too.

I can't believe people are saying if you would have struggled to sell it it is a good thing he has done it without telling you. I am glad I don't live in any of your relationships! The OP is not a child. If she would have struggled to sell it maybe that is because she didn't want to?! I would be fuming if my dh sold something that was ours without telling me. Luckily he would never do that as I would never do that to him.

It was a joint gift, do your DH owned it too
You have never used it
It’s been in a cupboard forgotten for past two years
You admit you have hoarding tendencies

I would actually be very happy in your shoes if my DH had gone ahead and sold it. I’d be planning how to spend the money! We women complain so much about men only doing things when we ask them to. Never taking the initiative to sort things out and leaving us with the mental load of “what to do with this”? Here is a man who has stepped up and done what women constantly complain that men never do. So to be angry now would just be controlling imho.

Ooh. Noooo

I have a beautiful hand made blanket that my mother brought for me. It’s my pride and joy. It’s so colourful and looking at it. Whatever I’m feeling cheers me up every single day. I was thinking of this and I’d be devastated if my husband sold that. I also keep hold of thing family have given us. I’m shocked and I would be so upset. But then we use it every single day. It’s on my own bed, I love it so much.

Though we tend to see gifts belong to whoever side brought them. So yes the blanket is on OUR bed. But my mother brought it for me.

We didn’t ask for any wedding gifts. So I can’t think of anything much that we’ve been given jointly. But I think of it as his if his parents brought it and visa versa.

But if he so sad. Especially if it was made by my own father.

On the fence about this one

It clearly has not been used and it just taking up space, so selling it and using money for something else is a good idea

However, not discussing it with you I don’t agree with

He shouldn’t have sold it without checking with you, no.

Glad that things are resolved, OP. Hope that the money is used for something that you will both enjoy.

Why don't people communicate? Why didn't he speak to you before putting it up for sale? It wasn't his alone to sell.

I expect he'd forgotten who it was from, he doesn't attach sentimental importance to it - so it didn't occur to him that you would.

That's why people need to talk to other people. So they have the opportunity to find things out that they didn't already know.

He should have discussed with you first. How would he like it if you sold something his parents gave you. He sounds disrespectful of you tbh.

Why you don't think it was his to sell? It was a joint gift.

Joint gift = joint decision to sell.

Otherwise what happens? Come home to find your DP has sold off the TV? Doesn't like the dinner set and ebayed it. Gave all your books to Oxfam. I'd feel a bit insecure if my partner started to make unilateral decisions about things jointly owned.

I rather admire your DH on this one and wish I had the balls to flog MIL's horrible stuff on ebay! She lives OS and keeps sending us, at great expense, hideous bits of ceramics she no longer wants. We don't fucking them either!!! DH then finds a place to display them and I promptly remove them and stick them in a cupboard. I'll move them to the loft soon and from there - well perhaps ebay beckons?

I admire your DH too. My partner is a borderline hoarder who can't allow anything to be sold or recycled or given away without so much angst and so many arguments that I have more or less resigned myself to living surrounded by clutter for the rest of my life. I like your DH's style. If your home is too small to put a wine rack out, it's too small to have a wine-rack taking up cupboard space.

The OP is NOT a hoarder?! For goodness 'admire' the OPs DH who has just sold a joint present without even consulting her?

I didn't say the OP was a hoarder. I didn't even say my partner was. But having something too large to sit out taking up valuable cupboard space for sentimental reasons does sound a distant warning bell.

I would be annoyed if my DH sold a present from my dad. I wouldn’t do that to him.

I’d be annoyed if DH did that, he should have asked first.

But in honesty, what our (very small) house needs is a brutal decluttering session... things from my parents (much larger) house that really I should ditch (eg mums wedding dress), and assorted heirlooms I’d like to keep, alongside more modest amount of our own crap. In the long run I’d be happier without (most of) this stuff, but I can’t bring myself to do it!

[quote Lauracrazygirl]@Pepperama

I think you reply is the most reasonable,

I think it's less about the wine rack and more about the act of selling something without checking with me first.

I would definitely check with my husband before I sold anything that I didn't personally own.

Also I have a hard time getting rid of gifts especially if its family who give it to me.[/quote]
I get this. And he should have checked with you

But...
He does own it. It was given to him as well. Just because it came from your dad doesn't make it any less his. and it sounds like you've shown absolutely no interest in it.

Also, I hate clutter and hanging on to things I don't use. Maybe your husband is like that and just isn't very good at communicating. Maybe he thinks he's done a good thing, one of those jobs you always mean to do but can never be bothered. I wouldn't jump straight down his throat about this.

If you're happy for it to be sold just say so but mention, I would ahve appreciated if you'd checked with me first. But thank you for sorting it

As he's already accepted your discomfort and acknowledged that he should have discussed it, maybe use the money to buy something that you as a family really need?