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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH just sold a house warming gift we received on Ebay without telling me.

95 replies

Lauracrazygirl · 14/12/2020 07:06

So my dad gave us a beautiful wine rack as a house warming present (moved into our house 2 years ago).
Unfortunately its really big and we couldn't find a place to put it. So I put it in a cupboard and kinda forgot about it.

My husband said today "hey, you know that wine rack we don't use, I've sold it on Ebay do you think it's ok just to wrap it in bubble wrap or should I get a box?"

I was taken aback, why didn't he check with me first before selling it? Yeah we don't use it but it was a gift from my dad.

Am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
JofraArchersFastestBall · 14/12/2020 08:31

Very surprised at the replies on this thread.

I think that selling your own stuff is fine, but would expect someone to check with me before selling something jointly owned.

soughsigh · 14/12/2020 08:33

Given your update, I would strongly suspect he intentionally didn't check with you before selling - would you have said it was OK?

My husband also has a large piece of kitchen equipment that he has not used and owned since before I met him but he will not let me sell it. I respect his wishes, even though I can really use the cupboard space.

daisychain01 · 14/12/2020 08:34

What has he done with the money? Hopefully you can both choose something nice for the home that you can both enjoy and you'll know it's from your DF.

Pinkandwhiteblossom · 14/12/2020 08:34

Also I have a hard time getting rid of gifts especially if its family who give it to me.

This is the key thing here. And I’ll bet he knows that. Our house is full of shit that has either been gifted or simply passed on by my husband’s family -because they don’t want it but have such an attachment to stuff they can’t throw it- and I WISH he’d get rid of it. I have taken to hiding stuff that comes from one family member in particular and quietly disposing of it.

I can see why you’re annoyed, but the problem here really isn’t your DH.

ApolloandDaphne · 14/12/2020 08:38

I think I might have initially felt slight irritation at not having been asked but then I would have realised he was right and it needed to go. You have now gained cupboard space and some money. Win!

Signalbox · 14/12/2020 08:39

He was U for not telling you before putting it on ebay. But if that was taking up cupboard space in my house it would have been listed on ebay inside of a month! Incidentally could the cupboard containing the wine rack not have been turned into a wine storage cupboard?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 14/12/2020 08:39

It was a jointly owned gift, therefore the decision to get rid of it should have been made jointly.

I can understand his reasons for wanting rid but, quite simple, he should have run it past OP first.

LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 08:41

I think that selling your own stuff is fine, but would expect someone to check with me before selling something jointly owned.

The trouble is the OP has admitted she finds it hard to get rid of things. If he asked and she said no is he supposed to just agree to continue to the OP hoarding the unused wine rack and resign himself to never clearing out the cupboard. It's not like this item was new and he sold it, he's waited 2 blooming years with it monopolising a cupboard.

How long is he realistically expected to hang on to a huge bulky item that they have never used and have no space for?

LisaLee333 · 14/12/2020 08:51

@Lauracrazygirl YANBU to be pissed off and annoyed, and yes, he should have run it by you first. But as some posters have said, it's not exactly a family heirloom is it? Just get another one. It's only a wine rack. Confused

wildraisins · 14/12/2020 08:54

If it's a gift from your dad then I would see it as technically more yours, even though it was a joint gift. I'd be unhappy if my partner just sold something that was given by my parents, and vice versa I think.

It's not unreasonable to want to get rid of it as it wasn't being used, but he should have checked with you.

wildraisins · 14/12/2020 08:56

@LittleMissLockdown

I think that selling your own stuff is fine, but would expect someone to check with me before selling something jointly owned.

The trouble is the OP has admitted she finds it hard to get rid of things. If he asked and she said no is he supposed to just agree to continue to the OP hoarding the unused wine rack and resign himself to never clearing out the cupboard. It's not like this item was new and he sold it, he's waited 2 blooming years with it monopolising a cupboard.

How long is he realistically expected to hang on to a huge bulky item that they have never used and have no space for?

When you marry someone you also marry their issues and problems. If OP has this problem with getting rid of stuff then the way to deal with it isn't him just throwing her stuff out - he should be encouraging and supporting her to deal with the problem herself.
Crustmasiscoming · 14/12/2020 08:57

I think it's a bit off that he didn't mention it. I'm sure it wasn't sold within mere minutes of it going on the site. It's common courtesy to mention something like that.

However, it would really annoy me to have a massive wine rack taking up a whole cupboard for 2 years. I would have expected you to have made a decision on that by now - ie, shift stuff around to find somewhere to put it, or get rid of it yourself.

Bin85 · 14/12/2020 08:58

He was wrong.
You might shift things round and make room for it.
Or use in next house.
Not his to sell.

Viviennemary · 14/12/2020 08:59

At first I thought that's bad. But it's been unused in a cupboard for two years. He probably should have told you but what's the point in something you never ever use.

Zenandben · 14/12/2020 09:00

I think he should have sold it and not told you. You probably wouldn’t even have noticed!

MegaClutterSlut · 14/12/2020 09:03

I voted yanbu to be pissed off but I can understand why he sold it if its been stuck in a cupboard for 2 years. He absolutely should've discussed it with you first though

choppolata · 14/12/2020 09:04

@aaronpurr it was a gift to both of them, not to him, so is not 'his' but 'theirs'.

Nottherealslimshady · 14/12/2020 09:04

I sell and bin stuff without asking DH.

Also I have a hard time getting rid of gifts especially if its family who give it to me

This is why, it drives me fucking mad. He hates getting rid of anything at all. I put it away in a cupboard or in the loft, wait a couple of years then if he hasn't mentioned it I get rid. His parents buy us some right junk, I can imagine them buying us a massive wine rack actually. Just because someone bought you it doesn't mean you're obligated to keep it.

Thespidersweb · 14/12/2020 09:05

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

I hope you are going to be benefiting from the cash op!! My dh sold something I had paid for and tried to keep the money!! Nice try bozo...
This
SweetGrapes · 14/12/2020 09:07

Buy some lovely wine (so you have a stash for Christmas and Brexit).
Fill the wine rack (just place it somewhere it looks nice)
Take some pictures with it and let him send it off. (without the wine of course!!)
and you sit and enjoy a glass of your favourite Wine

And tell him to NEVER EVER do this again without talking with you...

Respectabitch · 14/12/2020 09:23

Eh. Ideally he should have asked you, but given that you were never going to get around to using it (be honest), it is really really not worth a row.

"Thanks darling, but next time ask me first, and we need to both agree what we do with the money, OK?"

Circumlocutious · 14/12/2020 09:25

Would be curious to see the vote on here if DH kept receiving presents from his MIL and family that he never had the heart to throw away, and that just clogged up various cupboards.

DadDadDad · 14/12/2020 09:25

@Extua

Of course he's wrong. I don't understand the posters saying otherwise. Not unreasonable for him to want to sell it but to go to the trouble of taking photos and listing it without asking it's ridiculous. PPs saying well you didn't use it are missing the issue entirely.

We have a huge piece of furniture from my DHs family that we simply cannot fit anywhere so it's been in the corner of the garage of 5 years. It's been in the family for years and is obviously just waiting until we live somewhere where we can fit it. But we haven't used it so would it be appropriate it for me to sell it without telling him? Hmm

I lean more to your way of thinking. I just don't understand the lack of communication: presumably the DH had to get it out to photograph it etc. I would at the very least expect my spouse to say: "oh, we are never going to use that wine-rack, I'll put in on ebay and we can put the money towards X. How much do you think we should ask for it?"
Simplyunacceptable · 14/12/2020 09:29

He should have checked but it sounds as though you wouldn’t have even noticed it was gone had he not mentioned it. If it was something really important to you then fair enough but you didn’t use it.

IsFinnRogersDead · 14/12/2020 09:35

He should have asked in a "do you mind, I was thinking" way at which point you would have had the opportunity to say no, you like it and one day would like to use it. However he's gone straight to the "Also I have a hard time getting rid of gifts especially if its family who give it to me" and thinks he's done you a favour.

However, he's proved capable of making money from your clutter so give him a list and let him at it!