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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH just sold a house warming gift we received on Ebay without telling me.

95 replies

Lauracrazygirl · 14/12/2020 07:06

So my dad gave us a beautiful wine rack as a house warming present (moved into our house 2 years ago).
Unfortunately its really big and we couldn't find a place to put it. So I put it in a cupboard and kinda forgot about it.

My husband said today "hey, you know that wine rack we don't use, I've sold it on Ebay do you think it's ok just to wrap it in bubble wrap or should I get a box?"

I was taken aback, why didn't he check with me first before selling it? Yeah we don't use it but it was a gift from my dad.

Am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
CrotchBurn · 14/12/2020 07:53

Yeah I've changed my mind based on your last comment. My DP insists we use his table and his buffet thing and his wardrobe, because his dad gave them to him 20 years ago. I think its selfish to take up joint space because you have a hard time letting go.

kowari · 14/12/2020 07:53

Also I have a hard time getting rid of gifts especially if its family who give it to me. I am like this, but only with gifts from my grandmother who is in her eighties, and only it's just a few small things that I would give away if they were from anyone else. Starting to realise she won't be with me forever.

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 14/12/2020 07:53

@TheSockMonster

I think he was being unreasonable not to tell you he was planning to sell it.

However, I don’t think he was being at all unreasonable to want it sold.

This is my thought too. He should've run it past you first.
Circumlocutious · 14/12/2020 07:53

@gottakeeponmovin

I wish my husband would do stuff like this. Just proactively dealing with shit instead of always asking me !
Me too.

It’s precisely the kind of thing I would do with a MiL gift that had remained unused for two years. Especially kitchen goods that take up a lot of space.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 14/12/2020 07:58

The selling is not the problem, it's the not saying anything about it. I would be a bit miffed if DP did this. From the time he had the idea, to taking pictures of it, putting it up on Ebay and deciding a price, would have been a good time to mention "we should sell the wine rack"

LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 07:58

In all honesty as you admit you had forgotten about it just how long would it have taken you to notice it was no longer there if he hadn't told you he had sold it?

It seems mind-boggling to me that its taken up an entire cupboard for 2 years in a house that can't be that big as you had no room for the wine rack.

Maybe he should have asked before listing it, but realistically I don't see how you are going to miss an item you've never used and one you admit you had forgotten about.

MrsExpo · 14/12/2020 08:00

Find a nice stout box and some bubble wrap, offer to drop it at the post office while you’re out shopping and use the free space to store something useful.

WiseOwlWan · 14/12/2020 08:00

@Cherrytreepuddle

I couldn't get annoyed about someone getting rid of something I have never used and have no space for, but I don't place much attachment on stuff.
He should have said in advance but id be glad tbh. Proactive of him. Tell him to ask in advance next time. Give him a list!!
Desmondo2016 · 14/12/2020 08:00

I would just love by DH to do something for the benefit of the house off his own back!!

Shoxfordian · 14/12/2020 08:13

Is it really for the benefit of the house to start selling joint gifts without even bothering to ask? Surely it would be more beneficial to hoover or clean the bathroom.

I would be really annoyed at this too op, does he often just take decisions and expect you to fall in line?

thegrassisgreenwhereyouwaterit · 14/12/2020 08:14

If it’s just sat in a cupboard then you,clearly don’t need it. Use the money to buy a more practical one!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/12/2020 08:17

I'm 50:50. Yes, he should have asked you. But...then it would have sat pointlessly in your house forever, taking up cupboard space.

So I understand why you're annoyed, but... isn't it (secretly) better this way?

LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 08:19

Is it really for the benefit of the house to start selling joint gifts without even bothering to ask? Surely it would be more beneficial to hoover or clean the bathroom.

Of course it is beneficial. The OP admits the wine rack was so big it didn't fit anywhere and its taken up a huge space in a cupboard for 2 years.

I'd argue clearing out a cupboard so you have loads more space is more time consuming and beneficial than running a hoover around?

choppolata · 14/12/2020 08:20

It wasn't his to sell, tell him to cancel the sale.

Rosehassometoes · 14/12/2020 08:20

I’d be really annoyed. Have another look can you fit it somewhere? Are you moving in the near future?

You could cancel the sale and refund if you don’t want to sell it.
Has it gone for a good price?

Extua · 14/12/2020 08:20

Of course he's wrong. I don't understand the posters saying otherwise. Not unreasonable for him to want to sell it but to go to the trouble of taking photos and listing it without asking it's ridiculous. PPs saying well you didn't use it are missing the issue entirely.

We have a huge piece of furniture from my DHs family that we simply cannot fit anywhere so it's been in the corner of the garage of 5 years. It's been in the family for years and is obviously just waiting until we live somewhere where we can fit it. But we haven't used it so would it be appropriate it for me to sell it without telling him? Hmm

Sobeyondthehills · 14/12/2020 08:20

Yep you are being unreasonable, your dad gave you a joint gift, which you haven't used in 2 years, that would drive me fucking nuts.

TBH maybe have a chat with your dad about more appropriate gifts.

Unless you are about to massively drip feed
sits and waits

Sobeyondthehills · 14/12/2020 08:22

@Extua

Of course he's wrong. I don't understand the posters saying otherwise. Not unreasonable for him to want to sell it but to go to the trouble of taking photos and listing it without asking it's ridiculous. PPs saying well you didn't use it are missing the issue entirely.

We have a huge piece of furniture from my DHs family that we simply cannot fit anywhere so it's been in the corner of the garage of 5 years. It's been in the family for years and is obviously just waiting until we live somewhere where we can fit it. But we haven't used it so would it be appropriate it for me to sell it without telling him? Hmm

But its not been in the family for years it was bought as a joint present as a moving in gift.

There is a fucking massive difference

Sewrainbow · 14/12/2020 08:22

He fact that it was in a cupboard rather than got rid of 2 years ago surely shows it had some sentimental value!

AaronPurr · 14/12/2020 08:22

@choppolata

It wasn't his to sell, tell him to cancel the sale.
Why you don't think it was his to sell? It was a joint gift.
LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 08:23

,We have a huge piece of furniture from my DHs family that we simply cannot fit anywhere so it's been in the corner of the garage of 5 years. It's been in the family for years and is obviously just waiting until we live somewhere where we can fit it. But we haven't used it so would it be appropriate it for me to sell it without telling him?

But this isn't some family heirloom or antique passed through generations. It's a wine rack brought as a gift 2 years ago. There's a bloody huge difference between this wine rack and your DHs family heirloom. Hmm

AaronPurr · 14/12/2020 08:24

@Sewrainbow

He fact that it was in a cupboard rather than got rid of 2 years ago surely shows it had some sentimental value!
Or it indicates that the OP has a difficult time getting rid of something her family bought, as she has admitted earlier in the thread. Keeping something for 2 years doesn't necessarily mean it has sentimental value.
Rosehassometoes · 14/12/2020 08:25

Also, will the cupboard now be a more useful space......or will other random things just accumulate.

Does your husband have any sports gear/hobbies stuff he uses infrequently? Bike, golf clubs etc
Perhaps you could do some decluttering too.

CherryPavlova · 14/12/2020 08:30

I’d be delighted. An old unwanted and unused present and he took initiative to sell it rather than throwing it on a bonfire or dropping to tip. Good man clears out junk, makes money and you’re moaning about it.
No pleasing some people.

AlternativePerspective · 14/12/2020 08:31

Also I have a hard time getting rid of gifts especially if its family who give it to me. from your last statement I’m guessing you’re a hoarder and your house is full of clutter you can’t bring yourself to get rid of.

He’s probably sick of it and has decided to be proactive.

If it’s been sitting in a cupboard for the past two years and hasn’t been used because there’s no space for it then it’s not going to be used and is just taking up unnecessary space. Get rid.

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