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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of DH's faraway job?

61 replies

AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:29

DH works in London, but we live about two to two and a half hours drive North.

He is therefore either knackered or stays overnight.

It's more often than not over the weekends as well.

I work regular office hours locally. We have two DC.

DC and I haven't seen him since Thursday night. He'll be home later tonight, than will leave early tomorrow morning.

Sick of it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:33

Btw, I have offered to move many, many times, but he hates change and won't entertain the idea.

It's his choice to do this stupid commute, spending a fortune on fuel and hotels.

OP posts:
MummyDummyNow · 12/12/2020 20:34

No advice I'm afraid but I'm in the same boat, so you have my sympathy. It's a huge pain in the arse.

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:34

He never does any housework because he's knackered and "Doesn't get much time off". Hate this.

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MummyDummyNow · 12/12/2020 20:35

So no, you most certainly are NOT being unreasonable.

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:37

I feel for you mummydummynow. Crap, isn't it?

I think that if we split, I would at least not have to deal with a knackered, messy man turning up every now and then!

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Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:37

It was also his stupid decision to move here. I was happy in London.

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TheSpottedZebra · 12/12/2020 20:38

What is his job -is it something that absolutely cannot be done outside of London?

FTMF30 · 12/12/2020 20:39

Urghh YANBU. I would absolutely hate that. What kind of work does he do? Is there any chance he could get a transfer?

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:39

It has to be in a specific venue in London. He won't think about changing jobs either.

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Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:40

It's not even as though he's earning megabucks either. Perpetually knackered and scraping by.

I'm seriously considering leaving him over it.

OP posts:
FTMF30 · 12/12/2020 20:40

@TheSpottedZebra

What is his job -is it something that absolutely cannot be done outside of London?
Why did he want to move?
Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:41

I would be alone with the kids, but at least I wouldn't have to think about him as well.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 12/12/2020 20:42

Did you move near to family?

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:42

He wanted to move to be nearer his family.

I really wish I hadn't gone along with it.

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Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:42

DC are happily in school here, so I would stay in the area, but just can't tolerate him anymore.

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TheSpottedZebra · 12/12/2020 20:43

Oh cross post.

He's actually choosing this lifestyle isnt he? And it shit for you.
Of course splitting up is something to be considered. It would at the very least allow you to be in control of your own life.

TheSpottedZebra · 12/12/2020 20:44

Is his job a fun one, eg in hospitality?
Or does he have fun times /drinks when he's staying over?

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:45

So, he's just walked in. No greeting, just "Has the dog been fed" and now he's rummaging in the kitchen. DC went to bed over an hour ago and are asleep, so he won't see them.

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Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:46

No, his job isn't fun or particularly sociable, as far as I can make out. He just goes to a Travelodge off the motorway and eats convenience food. Grim.

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Sparkletastic · 12/12/2020 20:47

Tell him. Tell him no more of this.

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:47

That's when he stays overnight

OP posts:
Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:47

He can't cope with the idea of change. I find that pathetic.

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Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:48

He has no local friends because he's never here.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 12/12/2020 20:49

Is it a niche job that can only be done in London?is it a Ldn only salary?
Would and could he relocate?
He’s obviously knackered it’s a huge commute, however that’s not a reason to disengage

Original poster
AverageContents · 12/12/2020 20:50

His parents aren't particularly interested and he rarely bothers with them, which makes the fact we live here a total waste of time.

I like the area and will stay. Just not with him.

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