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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to boycott FIL birthday?

93 replies

husbandcallsmepickle · 12/12/2020 19:58

My FIL birthday is coming up and he has decided he & MIL will come to our local pub to join me & DH for a few drinks at 6pm one evening this week. When I commented that we don't usually eat that early, DH said the plan was to order cheapest thing on the menu and not eat it, just have a few drinks.
This has really irritated me that he and his parents have this attitude to food when there are so many people who struggle to put food on the table.
I'm considering not actually going out as I will struggle watch them waste food.

OP posts:
ClaireP20 · 13/12/2020 04:19

@Aquamarine1029

You can't eat a little earlier for just one night? Confused
That was my first thought..why would you say 'we don't usually eat that early..'.

Anyhoo, I'm sure they will eat it, it was probably just a throw away comment. Very kind of you OP to think of others, but not going isn't going to stop them wasting food is it.

ClaireP20 · 13/12/2020 04:20

@jagoda

According to previous posts, OP lives in Essex, so you can't do this anyway OP Confused
Good point...
bloodyhairy · 13/12/2020 05:04

It's not right what they're doing, but it sounds like you were going to be awkward about it anyway.

DryRoastPeanut · 13/12/2020 05:07

Yabu op. I have a very small appetite, my 9 year old granddaughter eats more than I do. Even when I say “can I have a really small portion” in end up leaving over half every time. Should I not be allowed out?

Just go, eat early, enjoy a pub meal and wish you FIL a happy birthday. You not ordering will not change the people going to bed hungry.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/12/2020 05:36

The reading comprehension skills on this thread aren't great.

I agree it's not a good thing for people to deliberately waste food.

Toilenstripes · 13/12/2020 05:36

I’ve been out to a pub in a tier 2 area and they were fine with me ordering a couple of sides. Maybe you could order sides and share.

Marnie76 · 13/12/2020 06:02

So many people who are hard of reading on this thread! OP hasn’t said she won’t eat, she has said she will but questioned why it was so early which is how she learnt the in-laws would waste their food.
But as many have now said (but OP hasn’t answered if this is what they’re doing) this will only be allowed anyway outside. If you are eating outside I think you go for the sake of peace OP. Enjoy your meal even if they don’t.

Iwonder08 · 13/12/2020 06:06

No wonder so many people have bad relationship with in-laws if this attitude is common.. Your parents in law want to have a drink in a pub to celebrate a birthday.. With just their son and his wife. You first say it is too early to eat at 6 pm which is frankly ridiculous and then when explained it will be just drink invent a story about wasting food.. Really? Disrespectful to a chef to waste a plate of chips? A pub knows the rules of the game. Why don't you just openly tell your family you don't want to go rather than try and come up with silly condesending justifications?

Nomorepies · 13/12/2020 06:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

JillofTrades · 13/12/2020 06:33

Yabu and extremely difficult. Would it kill you to eat early one day. And are you really that concerned about those struggling people Hmm. Sounds like you are making every excuse to be difficult.

TerribleLizard · 13/12/2020 06:43

Presumably OP has been out to dinner with her in laws before, so knows what time they like to eat, and this is later than 6pm. I would have assumed they hadn’t realised they would have to order food straight away - not everyone is up to date on every Covid rule.

If ILs are planning to go to the pub at 6pm for a drink, order food that they plan on not eating, and then going home to eat dinner, they are the ones being odd when they could just eat dinner at 6pm at the pub, or go to the pub for dinner later.

Soubriquet · 13/12/2020 06:53

Eat early for one in your life and celebrate your FIL’s dinner

I mean skip lunch if you have too

BackwardsGoing · 13/12/2020 07:03

It's so funny that 99% of people commenting on this thread don't realise that it's not about the time, it's about gaming the COVID rules.

OP is probably get this thread deleted and start again without mentioning the time. If you can be bothered!

Thewinterofdiscontent · 13/12/2020 07:14

It’s not illegal but it has to be outside. Eating outside isn’t much fun in December even with the tent structures and heaters pubs have put in place. You can’t really eat slowly and enjoy your drink like you would normally.
I agree with the pointless waste aspect especially when places only offer full meals at over a tenner. However I would find somewhere that offers something you can eat even when a bit cold and just go out. I’ve done pizza and they’ve let me take what I haven’t finished home.

Galliano · 13/12/2020 07:33

Presumably anyone planning a trip to a T2 pub where the food is incidental to comply with guidelines is unlikely to be daft enough to pick somewhere where nothing is available for less than a tenner though!

I understand the post but still think the OP is being disingenuous to use this as an excuse not to go.

Sally872 · 13/12/2020 07:46

Birthday persons choice of time. Very rude to boycott a close family birthday.

I am sure dinner at 6pm is not the main purpose, I also expect they will eat the food when it is in front of them. Otherwise they will be hungry at 8pm or whenever they normally eat. I imagine the conversation was

Fil "we will meet at 6pm for dinner and drinks"
Dh "thats a bit early"
Fil "just get the cheapest thing and don't eat it if you want, would just like to spend birthday with you"

Rather than "shall we go for dinner at 6pm, order the cheapest thing to get drinks then make our own dinner at home later that night"

Etinox · 13/12/2020 08:20

As an aside you can of course bring food home! Ddog is very excited as dd brought home a sausage roll from the pub last night (vegan household)

Strangedayindeed · 13/12/2020 08:33

@waitingforadulthood

I think that this is really shitty of them tbh. Wasteful, tick box rule following and insulting to the pub and chef.
Yeah I’m sure the pub are gutted with people Spending money, after being closed for so long. I’m sure the chef is in tears about having a job!!
TheRubyRedshoes · 13/12/2020 08:35

Maybe they said that ie... Please don't worry if you don't want to eat? We are not making a big thing of it?

ineedaholidaynow · 13/12/2020 08:42

Are they planning to eat outside? Still have to social distance

Calmandmeasured1 · 13/12/2020 08:43

What tier are you and your ILS in OP?

CommanderBurnham · 13/12/2020 11:41

So you are meeting your in laws in a pub but they want to order a substantial meal at 6:30pm and not eat it, so they can have a drink? You and DH are happy to eat yours?

Bonkers.

CommanderBurnham · 13/12/2020 11:42

Also o wouldn't worry about them wasting their food. I'd just eat theirs as well.

Branleuse · 13/12/2020 11:44

I couldnt get worked up about it tbh. Its his birthday

Porridgeoat · 13/12/2020 11:50

Omg it’s been awful for families meeting up the whole year. Give them a break and calm down. Maybe actually eat your meal early?

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