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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put DD in a boys school..

105 replies

Purplelemon7 · 12/12/2020 13:08

The nursery & pre-prep school that my DS will likely join takes 3-4 girls every year (in a class of 20) up until the age of 7. Interested in peoples thoughts on this. I might ask the school to put me in touch with girls parents to find out what they think. The alternative is the girls school which is on the way to the boys school (I’m more inclined to do this but I don’t know if I will end up hating the school run more than people normally do). I wish there were good co-ed alternatives but there aren’t.

OP posts:

MyristicaFragrans · 12/12/2020 14:38

I think she’ll be fine up to 7. I was one of three girls in a class of 20 (village primary school, numbers were just random) and I played with the boys quite happily. After about 7 very luckily another girl moved in and became my best friend, and by that point the boys had started to decide they didn’t want to play with me.

rottiemum88 · 12/12/2020 14:42

The girls school doesn’t take boys otherwise I would have the option of putting my son in there because it’s closer.

So this really is all about your own self interest and not wanting to do the commute. I think that's pretty shocking to be honest.

BerriesAndPineCones · 12/12/2020 14:49

Dd didn't have a good experience of being in a class of 19 boys and 11 girls. Thankfully it was only for a year

AliceMck · 12/12/2020 14:50

@formerbabe

No way would I do this. My dd is in a mixed school but her class is very boy heavy. It has been a huge issue in terms of friendships for her.

This.

One of my DDs is the same, only 5 girls in the class, it’s really hard on her at times. She gets on with everyone but mainly plays with 2 of the girls, the other 2 can be very cliquey even at 8, stemming from their mums being friends. If her friends are off or doing lunch time activities she’s not doing it gets quite upsetting for her playing in her own. She will play with the boys but obviously dosnt want to always do football and boys stuff all the time.

I agree with others, a difficult school run should not even be in the decision making process of what’s best for your child.

Bobbybobbins · 12/12/2020 15:10

My two (7 and 5) are at two different schools because they were the best fit for them. The school run is a pain but it massively massively outweighed by having them in the 'right' schools for them so I would go with that OP.

AaronPurr · 12/12/2020 15:10

Another one here who wouldn't do it. I agree with the poster who said it's in your interests but not hers.

Original poster

Purplelemon7 · 12/12/2020 15:16

If I knew with certainty that my DD would not do well at the boys school I would obviously not consider it at all. I don’t know that for sure though. It’s possible she could be fine and it’s also possible that she could be totally miserable. I’m
trying to figure out what’s more likely. There are a few people on this thread who have said that up to 7 it’s not a big deal, however the vast majority have said they have had negative experiences of imbalanced classes/schools. That’s very helpful for me to know as I have no experience of it myself nor do I know anyone who has. It seems my gut feeling that it’s better to stick to the girls school is right.

OP posts:

Bonsai49 · 12/12/2020 15:17

I joined a boys school in the first year they took girls - there were 8 of us and 90 boys . I was perfectly happy.

SeaToSki · 12/12/2020 15:19

Look in detail at the calendars for both schools for the year before last (since last year was buggered up with covid). Look at inset days, holidays, school pantomimes, parent teacher conferences etc. See if there are clashes when you dont want clashes (events you want to attend) and synchronisation where you do want it (school holidays). That is the crux of if its worth having them at the same school. If all the holidays are offset by 1 week, it will be a nightmare

Crunched · 12/12/2020 15:21

I have two DDs and a DS in the middle. My DS used pre-prep (3-7) at the pre-prep/prep school my DDs attended from 3 to 13. It was single sex (girls) from age 8.
My DS was one of only 3 boys and 12 girls. It was a wonderful start for him. He moved to a boys prep at 7 by which time he was well rounded and secure. He has never had any issues with friendships.
I certainly didn't choose the school for convenience however, but for excellence. I also recognise the points made about Queen Bee's may not apply to boys.

Original poster

Purplelemon7 · 12/12/2020 15:27

@SeaToSki good point! Just checked and term dates are all the same.

OP posts:

mushroom3 · 12/12/2020 15:39

I would suggest looking at the other state mixed in the area first. Birth rates were lower 3-4 years ago than 7-8 years ago so you may find there are a few mixed state options near you. The other thing to consider is the personality of your children. Would they be a better fit in a single sex or mixed school. I was a sporty girl and with a couple of other girls liked playing football etc at break in primary. I think for me a predominantly boys school would have been fine, it wouldn't however been good for my sister.

orangenasturtium · 12/12/2020 15:41

Are there only 3-4 places for girls every year or is that just an average? Could you apply to both and wait to see what the intake is for her year or do you have to pay the deposit before you know?

ittakes2 · 12/12/2020 15:45

I have boy / girl twins - I wouldn’t do it. Female friendships are complicated and the more time she has to practise navigating those the better. Boys stand sort of near each other and bam they are accepted into a group. Girls there is more complications. Plus up to 7/8 some boys are very immature and very physical / annoying. They calm down after 8 but in my children’s classes it was usually boys who were disruptive.

CheetasOnFajitas · 12/12/2020 15:50

On what grounds are you not happy with the idea of using the local co-ed state schooling? I ask not to criticise your choice, but because we are currently part way through the application process for a (co-ed) independent school near us (4+ entry but school goes right up to 6th form).

If my son doesn’t get a place we will be going state and there are 3 schools locally, but I am finding it hard to weigh up the options with no visiting allowed during Covid.

LittleStepsDaily · 12/12/2020 15:56

Nope, wouldnt even enter my head tbh. I have 3 different schools to go to at various times because my children have gone to the school that suits them best, not what seems easier for me. You have DH there and very flexible work so I really don't see why it has even entered your head. When you have one in secondary and one in primary there will be different term dates, different school closure days etc, it wont be avoided, maybe reduced but you sound like one of the luckiest parents in terms of being able to work around school drop offs

Irisheyesrsmiling · 12/12/2020 16:03

There's a prep school near me that's very similar, people I know sent their dd's to the 3-7 all seemed happy but one did pull at age 5 for the girls school b/c she decided they wanted single sexed schools earlier than 7. It very well could have been because in her year there were less girls.

Katela18 · 12/12/2020 16:03

Hello,

I went to a boys (private/boarding) school age 7-11. There was about 12 girls out of maybe 130 - 150 pupils. Boarding wise 4 girls including myself.

School wise didn't make much difference, but the staff were very boy minded (in terms of not necessarily up to date on issues that only impact girls going through puberty). Also the staff were more interested in stuff which impacted boys, so sport was all aimed towards typical boys sports at the time(rugby, golf, cricket, no offer of things like dance) we are talking 15 years ago here and It doesn't sound like your daughter will be boarding but I guess my point is sometimes a boys school is more tailored towards boys. Again, long time ago now so you may find the way things have changed now with most things being a lot more gender neutral, it's no longer an issue 😊

All the best x

CatkinToadflax · 12/12/2020 16:04

How close are the two schools and are their start/finish times identical? Is it “easy enough but irritating” for you to drop off and collect from two different schools every day, or would it be physically impossible to be on time at both schools? A friend moved into their village mid-year and had her elder child in the primary school in their village and the younger child at school in the next village, as that was where the available places were. She was permanently in a rush, always early at one school and late at the other. She moved the younger child as soon as she could.

Having said that, at my DSs’ pre prep it was very boy heavy. They were both fine, but the few girls that there were, struggled with friendships at times and there was very little ‘choice’ for female friends.

My dad - back in the 1940s - was the only boy in an entire girls’ school. Goodness knows why, and it really didn’t do him any favours!

If you can, and it’s practical, I would try placing your DD at the girls’ pre prep, especially if that school feeds into the other girls’ school at age 7. She’s likely to then have some ready made friends when she moves schools.

CheetasOnFajitas · 12/12/2020 16:05

My dad - back in the 1940s - was the only boy in an entire girls’ school. Goodness knows why, and it really didn’t do him any favours!
Have you seen Derry Girls?

Hardbackwriter · 12/12/2020 16:11

@CheetasOnFajitas

My dad - back in the 1940s - was the only boy in an entire girls’ school. Goodness knows why, and it really didn’t do him any favours! Have you seen Derry Girls?

I was thinking this too! I'm not sure that the wee English fellow is an advert for this approach...

Mallowmarshmallow · 12/12/2020 16:12

I wouldn't because boys statistically do better academically in mixed schools whereas girls do better in girls only schools so the boys will have more to gain from DD's presence than she will have for theirs.

SinkGirl · 12/12/2020 16:15

Does the early years school have transport? My twins are 4 and get a minibus to their specialist school - they’re on the bus about 45 mins each way. I was worried about it but they absolutely love it.

Would a private nursery followed by a couple of years at a state school not be an option, even if you moved closer to a different school? I don’t really get spending so much on private education for under 7s to be honest, but maybe I’m missing something.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 12/12/2020 16:16

If the schools have good wrap around care put child A into Breakfast club whilst you drop Child B up. At the end of the day put Child B in afterschool care and pick Child A up. Or both you and your husband do the school run if you have that much flexibility and the schools are that close.

Oeliilio · 12/12/2020 16:21

You need to really talk to parents of girls at the school and ask some questions of the school about how girls are supported.
For me it would be about this, not just the gender issue alone.

Personally though I’d probably do state primary until 7 with your choices.

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