To put DD in a boys school..

[Purplelemon7]

The nursery & pre-prep school that my DS will likely join takes 3-4 girls every year (in a class of 20) up until the age of 7. Interested in peoples thoughts on this. I might ask the school to put me in touch with girls parents to find out what they think. The alternative is the girls school which is on the way to the boys school (I’m more inclined to do this but I don’t know if I will end up hating the school run more than people normally do). I wish there were good co-ed alternatives but there aren’t.

Which of the 2 girls' schools do you prefer and think is a better fit for your DD?

I would put her in the girl's school if you think there is a possibility she might go there at 7 (or is it just pre-prep?).

FWIW my DC and I went to schools that had a school bus service and lots of children used it from age 4, although some teachers also took the bus or there were "coach prefect" 6th formers that looked after the little ones. You can get backpacks that are booster seats.

@Cherryberrypies

My sister was in a class with 4 other girls and 18 boys. Just randomly more weighted with boys.

There was weird rivalry between the girls over friends and they were very cliquey. I think for a few years it will be okay but don’t do it long term. My sister struggled to form female friendships as she got older. My mum and dad had her in lots of external clubs which helped her as a teen form friendships with girls.

Same here - 20 boys and six girls. Was a nightmare tbh. There was one Queen Bee amongst the girls who controlled all the friendships in that small group and the boys just took charge of everything else. I remember going in to help out and watching a PE lesson where the girls may just as well not been on the pitch. Not one pass to a girl and the teacher did nothing. My dd begged to go to an all girls secondary when that option was offered as one of the schools. She's thriving now.

There are often posts on here about whether someone should change their DD’s school because they’re in a class where there are very few girls and there are friendship issues.

There's some research showing that girls do better in all-girl school environments (vs boys, who actually may do better in mixed-gender schools).

Would you put your DS in a girls' school with only a handful of boys, OP? Or is it only your DD whose learning environment is less important to you than an easier school run?

I wouldn't. Different age group admittedly hut I work at an all girls secondary.

We have a co-ed school nearby that purely by chance has a very high intake of boys (think maybe 5/6 girls in a class of 25-30 boys).

We have had a lot of girls transferring to us because they don't fare well in that environment.

Sounds like you have quite a bit of flexibility to share the school run with your DH, if you both work at home. And also to use wrap round care at one or both schools. So the school run needn't be too bad and each child should go to the school that will suit them best.

Not a chance. The likelihood your DD will form good friendships is slim. My DD was one of mine girls in a class of 30 at primary and when there was a falling out, as girls invariably do on a frequent basis there was nowhere to run.

Don’t assume the boys will see her as one of them.

@AppleKatie

Don’t do it. It’s in your interest but it isn’t in hers.

This

Let me just summarise because there seems to be some confusion:

1)Boys prep school 3-11 (for both boys and girls up to 7)
2)Girls prep school (3-11) (girls generally join school no 3 at 7 or 11)
3)Girls junior and senior school (7-18) (entry open at 7 and 11)

If the girls school took on boys I would absolutely consider that just as much an option as putting my DD in a boys school.

It’s interesting to hear all the experiences off girls who have been in boys schools and it confirming that my gut feeling that the girls school would be better is right.

[quote Purplelemon7]@Cherryberrypies how old was she?[/quote]
She started at 4 and went through to 16. Small village school so no other options. Slightly more girls joined secondary but still an abnormally low amount. (It was so bizarre but that’s a whole other story)

My mum enrolled her in clubs to meet other girls and she definitely thrived at college, which you travel to the closest city for and was more equally mixed.

She always says the only positive is that she excelled at sport as that was the only way to fit in with the boys. Also echo what a PP said about queen bee. All the girls put one girl Ona pedestal and fought to be her ‘best’ friend.

Do children really pick friends according to gender that early? Mine are 3 (pre-school) and year 3, friendships are still very much across genders. Boys and girls are still best friends in year 3 (school is 60% boys).
I would put her in the boys school as she will have to change schools at 7 anyway.

Echoing others, DD from reception was one of 6 girls and 24 boys. We ended up moving her - not just because of this, but i think the lack of any girls who shared any of her interests didn't help. Our normal school run has been 2 different schools, a few miles apart for many years. If one is on the way to the other you may not find it an issue, but this depends on how drop offs and pick ups work when they are young.

I think this would be quite selfish, OP.

Don't give us "no alternative co-ed school".

The alternative is to send her to the local state primary school.

So she is going to have to move at either 7 or 11, if you'd rather wait until she was 11 then it's the girls prep, if you are happy for her to move at 7 then it's whichever of the girls/boys school you prefer. If there is only a gap of a year then it's unlikely that your sons friends will have a sister in the same class as your DD.

Presumably there is an option for your son post 11 that is still only boys?

Where are you that there are no co-ed offerings?

Why do you think you’ll hate the school run more than most people?

Not in a million years. I think you would soon find out to your cost exactly why this would be a very bad idea. Learning to negotiate friendships at this age and to build good boundaries and communication is as important as schoolwork. She will immediately and automatically be the 'other' - the token girl. Just no.

Do children really pick friends according to gender that early? Mine are 3 (pre-school) and year 3, friendships are still very much across genders

It's totally different in a co-ed environment. Where girls are the tiny minority, they are stigmatised. I had lovely friends who were boys when I was an a co-ed primary, but none of the boys wanted to be seen befriending girls at my mainly boys' school. Even boys who I knew outside school and were fine wouldn't be seen dead speaking to a girl within the school.

I went to an all girls school and loved it. However, I think this situation is really difficult for you daughter. In the most formative years of her life she will be a significant minority in what is already a patriarchal society. I would consider coeducational options including a local state school. Either that, or two school runs.

Think a local private boys school.called birkdale in Sheffield have recently started doing this. But sheffield girls high is a very good school. I'd go on how u find them.both

I’m hoping parents with a boy and girl who had to send them to different schools will pop up and tell me it’s not so bad

I am not at all keen on the state co-ed school near me and would much rather do 2 school runs and that’s likely what I will end up doing. Ideally there would be a great co-Ed school near me but there isn’t. I don’t value co-Ed over the quality of the education. I’m sure there are people who think being in a co-Ed environment is more important than anything else and that’s absolutely fine but that’s not how I personally feel.

It doesn’t sound great for her. Friendships will be transitory. Activities will be geared towards boys. I wouldn’t.

Till 7 is fine.

I went to an all-boys prep that had just started taking girls. 250 boys and 7 girls in the school most of the time I was there. Only 2 of us in my year. Nightmare by the time I left at the end of Y8.

My own DD was at a big London primary (in Y7 now) and the whole way through there were 40 boys and 20 girls in her year.

It only really became an issue in the last 3 years. The first few years they all seemed to play together quite happily.

If you suggested moving her at 7 to a mainly boys school then I would say definitely don't, but for the early years I think it is fine.

I really wouldn't write off state co-ed. Even if your preference is private education, at the primary stage it makes relatively little difference. My children went to a state primary up to the age of 11 and had no difficulty securing places in competitive entrance exams for high quality independent schools.