How do you split your finances

[Jamie8671]

Was reading another post and thought it was interesting how unmarried couples split their money.

I earn 90k and partner 28k. Our net salaries all go into one pot for ‘bills/savings/life’ and each person spends as they like. We don’t keep our money separated but have been together 8 years and whilst we’re not married we share all else. No DCs.

The one difference is that my pension contributions are much higher as both of us are % of salary rather than £ amount.

What do you do? Genuinely interested as lots of people are talking about seperate finances

We used to pay a set amount into joint account to cover bills, mortgage, living costs and holidays. We did that until I went on mat leave with 1st baby. Since then we’ve shared a single joint account.

DH earns 40k I earn 30k. Both salaries go into joint account. We have separate accounts for “pocket money”, which again is the same set amount each month to do with as we choose.

I’m a sahm. No joint account. Half the salary is sent to me every month. We split all bills, food, holidays etc. Stuff I want personally (manicures, nights out with friends etc) comes out of my account and vice versa.

I was told I was financially controlling/ borderline abusive to think that people should have a set amount of pocket money once the bills are paid

I suppose the deciding factors are based on whether people are spenders or savers.

If neither people overspend, as in they naturally spend less than the household income, either because they don't buy very much, or because income is high, the 'one joint pot, we just both spend from it how we like' model can work and be fair.

However, some people, faced with a joint account containing thousands of pounds, would be imagining buying cars, holidays, expensive work lunches, gadgets, clothes when they already have some, hobby equipment etc etc.

Which is no good if that money needs to pay the mortgage, childcare, bills, food etc etc.

So it can help if adult personal spending money is separated out, so joint essential costs are covered and both parties have some money of their own.

It's also important to recognise how frequent small purchases can really add up over time and skew a budget that doesn't have a lot of spare money.

For example, people might wonder why they never have any money and can't afford a holiday or decent car etc, but if they're the type who buys a coffee on the way to work and their lunch in Pret or similar each day, that could be £50 a week, £200 a month so over £2k pa which is really significant unless you have a decent amount of spare money, so as well as discussing large one off purchases, there often needs to be discussion and agreement about this sort of spending.

Because if not, you could have one partner worrying about covering the basics and the other merrily buying themselves small treats daily. Now of course eating and drinking during the working day is essential, but the cost has to be affordable and fair within the family.

Same as you OP

What a very sensible post BarbarsofSeville

Married - we keep all our money separate and pay into a joint account for bills plus a bit extra.

Use our remaining salary as we wish but I am currently the higher earner so might pay for a holiday or something for the house on my own. If we are going out for a meal one of us will pay- we don't split it.

Things for the children one of us will buy and ask the other for half if it is a big sum.

I just don’t get this rigid % thing, it seems weird. We just have the same amount of ‘spends’ and the rest is family money. This is despite him earning £13k more a year in his PAYE job and up to £15k a year more per year in his self employed job.

We used to put all money in one pot and spend out of that but I would spend a lot of money on shite. I got out of the habit of buying stuff because I needed it or really wanted it and we weren’t saving as much as we should. We now each take £200 a month for personal spends like clothes. We’ve managed to save a lot more doing this and have been able to afford home improvements

Married but things same as before we were. 2 DC.

DH earns £45k and I earn £18 as I work p/t now we have kids. We keep £300 each in our sole accounts per month and everything else goes into the joint account to cover all outgoings.

So, DH pays far more each month in but he strongly felt that we should have the same disposable each month.... especially as I earn a lot less than I used to because I’m at home half the week with the kids.

Our arrangement would give most other people nightmares but it works for us - all our income goes into DH's account and he transfers a set sum to me each month. Savings in separate names and it would only take a few phone calls to get income paid into my account if needed.

Meant to add, if I need extra I just tell (not even ask) him to transfer it and he does on the spot, not asking what it's for.

The only problem is that buying him Christmas and birthday presents us a bit of a nonsense so my presents to him are usually in the form of "permission" to buy somethng frivolous!

We set up a joint account when we got married, nearly 30 years ago. Our pay went into that and all bills came out of it, including - for the first few years - his child support payments.

Over the years the amounts that we earned have varied. There were a few years when I earned more than him, but on the whole he has been the bigger earner. There were two years of me earning nothing (career break) and several years of me earning considerably less than him, when I was part time. We are both now retired and his pension is, not surprisingly, bigger than mine.

In terms of spending, we both just spend what we want out of the joint account. We have joint savings and also have savings in our own names. Any spare money at the end of the month goes into whatever savings account is paying the best interest at the time.

It has worked for us.

We have our own accounts but try to divide up expenses fairly:
I do Mortgage, Utilities, Council Tax and Car Payments.
DH does Road Tax, Car insurance, Internet and all the food shopping.
I'm not sure if it works out exactly equal but we both seem to have enough personal spending money.

Separate bank accounts here. There have been times over the years when I've earned more, times when DH has earned more. We share the bills but not in a 'well you're paying this one so I'll pay the equivalent' way, more depending on whoever organised that bill when we moved into the house.

Things like holidays will be paid for on an ad hoc basis, as is everything else. Whoever has more will pay more. It's very fluid and we never row about money. Neither of us would care if the other had a bit more left at the end of a month. That person will just naturally pay for more.

I like to spend a bit more, and I also like to save a bit more. DH does less of both. I'd really hate joint finances, I value my independence, women weren't allowed their own loans or accounts in the generation before mine. With these threads, someone will always say that you're not a partnership if you don't have a joint account, that your marriage is in some way defective. It really isn't necessarily so.

I would say though that I could see a different scenario might work if one parent isn't working.

@TurkeyTrot because when all the bills/savings are allocated (mortgage, utilities, council tax, insurances, car, pension, school dinner money and incidental, birthdays and Christmas budgets, holiday budget, commuting costs), sometimes there's only pocket money left - if that and many couples would be glad of £200 each for spends

Engaged here. We have our salaries paid into our own accounts, but then add money to a joint account to cover all shared expenses in proportion to our take home pay (so 2/3 me, 1/3 dp in my case).

@BarbaraofSeville well I’m a saver (hate debt and was bought in a family where my parents hammered into me, if you don’t have the money in your pocket, don’t spend it). So mortgage aside, I’ve always tried to ensure I live within my means (including eating beans on toast in my 20’s when completely skint).

I agree completely with you - re it being a mindset of save vs. Spend. I couldn’t be with someone who thought it was ok to spend at will based on ‘want’ vs paying bills and living within your means.
Apparently, that meant I was financially controlling and abusive. When I presented the flip that I thought it was financially abusive to spend at will and not care about debt/ how it gets paid off - I was piled into.

And what I find fascinating about this thread is how many people essentially have the set up I described. Large purchases are discussed by both parties (I think that’s respectful) and ‘pocket money’ set aside for personal expenditure.

In a family court ‘he / she gave me 500 a month pocket money and wouldn’t allow me to spend as I wish’ could be construed as financially controlling (and I know of many cases described here that have been presented to courts as ‘controlling’ behaviour).

We just pool our money. There's no my money and his money. There's just our money.
Like our kids. Our house. Our car. Our furniture.

I'm far too lazy to spend time working out who pays what and what percentage of this goes into that, let alone getting into borrowing money from my husband or lending him money.

It's not better or worse than any other way of doing it. It just is the way that works for us.

Married, 2 kids.

All money is household money and goes into joint bank account. Joint credit card account. House is jointly owned. Any major financial purchases are a joint decision.
I've typically earned 5-10 times that which DW has so I can't imagine another way it would work for us.

Pre marriage 50/50, I’d never join finances with someone I was technically just dating and, regardless of salary, would expect them to pay their half of bills.

After marriage and the joint house, we have one account and both our salaries are paid into it.

What l earn compared to DH is peanuts but when we first got together, l was earning a decent wage and had my own house - we bought a bigger place together then l got pregnant and made redundant on mat leave. Paid a chunk off our mortgage then got a part time job. All money goes into household pot and we both have the same amount for pocket money. I control all finances and DH has no interest in them.

Both wages into one pot. We share everything. DP earns about £70k and myself about £45k. We share all money. We both have the same amount each month to spend on what we want. We both top up our ISAs with the same amount. Any big purchases we discuss.

Works for us.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I don't necessarily understand your login because lives and income streams change. When I first met DH he had next to nothing coming in and by the time we were married about £37k compared to my £100k. By the time our first child was born his annual income was about £75k and continued growing and I stopped working when our first child was 15 months. When I went back to work part-time starting a new career I earnt £8k pa compared to DH's By then very significant income. We were always equals in our partnership but can you explain how we could possibly always have paid "Our half" In a marriage, the family becomes team family imo and whilst financial input may differ there should always be equity via a via less tangible contributions. Otherwise love and family life becomes transactional.

Apologies @IceCreamAndCandyfloss I didn't read your last sentence.