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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

14 year old abs 9 year old at home all day alone while we work.

96 replies

WheresMyMask · 11/12/2020 11:19

There's two days DH and I are at work and the kids are off school.
Monday 21st
Tuesday 22nd

Obviously the 14 year old is fine at home during the day.
And I can get childcare for the 9 year old. But I'm wondering whether I need to to. I think they will probably be fine, just a bit bored. I don't think they will set the house on fire.

Timing wise it would be 07.45-5.15 by themselves two days running.

YABU - never! You're a neglectful witch!
YANBU - of course! My kids have been looking after themselves since they were 2.

OP posts:

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/12/2020 13:47

Is 14 yo sensible? My sister collected & watched me after school every day at that age (I was 8) but we were all reasonably sensible.

If theres anyone you can get to pop in and check on them at lunch I would.

I would also leave them quite a detailed suggested schedule just to prevent 9yo annoying 14 yo all day and causing rows!

NameChange2PostThis · 11/12/2020 13:49

@WheresMyMask

Pay your 14 year old £20 to babysit.
Pay your 9 year old £10 to behave.

They’ll be fine.

vanillandhoney · 11/12/2020 13:51

@Fuzzmutt

What's preventing you from getting childcare for your youngest child?

Not everywhere has ad-hoc childcare available.

We have one childminder in our area (they've got waiting lists), no holiday clubs and no after school clubs. There are a couple of activity clubs that run during normal times, but many can't run due to COVID and related restrictions. They're also expensive and only run 9-3 so not very helpful for parents who don't get home until 6pm or later.

ChocolateCherrybomb · 11/12/2020 13:54

My mum wouldn't have done it for more than half an hour but after she passed and I was living with relatives it was common place for the adults to go out socialising or working while leaving the children at home.

Us kids, blended family of 7 ranging from 3 to 14 plus various friends coming and going, would be left at home randomly with no adult supervision. Could have been an hour or all day, any time up to about eleven at night. Us older three would cook, clean, go to the shops and look after the young ones. No problems, ever. Children over a certain age are resourceful if you let them be.

We were trusted, we knew it and didn't abuse that trust. In fact, we all loved it, used to dread the adults getting back to be honest and no we didn't spend all day in front of the TV eating junk.

I find it quite odd that a lot of people let their children walk to school alone quite happily but think the same children are not safe to be left alone in their own home.

I will admit though that this was over twenty five years ago and attitudes have changed. It was more normal back then to think teens were young adults who could be left to fend for themselves for a bit. My many young teenage relatives have been/are all capable of being responsible when unsupervised so I don't see that young people have changed that much even if their parents are more cautious these days.

Leave them to it OP. You might be pleasantly surprised. Please don't start dictating "strict rules" as some previous posters suggest though. A few basic rules like don't set fire to the house or let strangers in should do it. It's only two days and if they want to spend it blasting fictitious characters into oblivion, that's up to them as they are saving you childcare costs if they agree so be grateful.

Rosebel · 11/12/2020 13:55

I think it's fine even if they don't really get on. What my sister used to babysit me when she was about 13 e got on much better than when our parents were home (she was a lot nicer to me when she was babysitting)
It should be fine but maybe ask a neighbour to keep an ear out and obviously make sure both of them know what's expected and that they have a few telephone numbers for people they can call just in case

Saz12 · 11/12/2020 13:57

We’re all just one poor judgement away from disaster, though, and lots of 14-year-olds have pretty good judgement when they need it and are trusted to use it.

hibbledibble · 11/12/2020 13:58

9 year old is fine for a short time, but all day seems quite long. What will you do about food?

I'm a bit on the fence about this, as it seems a long time.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 11/12/2020 13:58

I’d probably be ok with it. I have that age gap and would have trusted Ds1 at that age (to be fair he’s known for being fairly sensible / mature / responsible) and would probably have given him some money for looking after ds2. Ds2 is now 14 himself, maybe slightly younger for his age, but I’d still do it if necessary, especially as a one off, as opposed to say every day of the summer holidays.

HitthatroadJack · 11/12/2020 14:00

@Saz12

We’re all just one poor judgement away from disaster, though, and lots of 14-year-olds have pretty good judgement when they need it and are trusted to use it.

I am honestly a lot more worried about a bunch of 16-18 years old alone than a 14 and a 9 year old

Feedingthebirds1 · 11/12/2020 14:00

Fine, but before you do it make sure they understand the rules.

Older doesn't boss/bully the younger
Younger doesn't play up because Mum and Dad aren't there.
They share chores (may be only getting their lunches).

Plus they have someone to contact if it goes pear shaped for any reason and put some sort of lock on the wifi to stop them thinking they have all day to play or do something they'd never be allowed if you were there.

You know your DCs. If they're sensible, I'd do it.

HitthatroadJack · 11/12/2020 14:01

I'd order a pizza to be delivered for lunch too

WeAllHaveWings · 11/12/2020 14:05

Totally depends on the kids, my siblings and I would have knocked lumps out of each other (figuratively speaking.....mostly) as the eldest would have thought they "were in charge" and the youngest would have tried to defy them! It would be a long day if they fell out at some point, what would plan B be if they did?

Fuzzmutt · 11/12/2020 14:12

YABU - never! You're a neglectful witch!
YANBU - of course! My kids have been looking after themselves since they were 2.

Your choices do seem do be along the lines of "When did you stop beating your wife?"

The thing is nobody really cares about your kids but you and your husband are the ones who are responsible for their welfare, why are you consulting strangers on the internet about something your conscience has already answered?

Imapotato · 11/12/2020 14:13

I voted YANBU, but that would depend on how well they get on. If they are likely to fight and have a miserable day then I wouldn’t. If the 14 year old is tolerant and will look out for their younger sibling and the 9 year old won’t go out of their way to wind their old sibling up, then I think it’s fine.

Jellycatspyjamas · 11/12/2020 14:18

Not everywhere has ad-hoc childcare available.

The OP said she could access childcare for her 9 year old, so availability isn’t an issue here. I wouldn’t leave them both at home for 2 days if I had childcare available.

vanillandhoney · 11/12/2020 14:26

@Jellycatspyjamas

Not everywhere has ad-hoc childcare available.

The OP said she could access childcare for her 9 year old, so availability isn’t an issue here. I wouldn’t leave them both at home for 2 days if I had childcare available.

Fair enough, I didn't see that.

I wouldn't spend on childcare for two days if I had a 14yo who could keep an eye on things, though. Each to their own, I guess.

honeylulu · 11/12/2020 14:34

If 14 year old is sensible and responsible and 9 year olds fairly well behaved I think it's fine.

Please pay your 14 old even if it's a modest amount and check the plan is ok with them. I used to just get told my sibling was being dumped on me, that I'd have to cancel any of my plans and didn't get paid either. Made me furiously resentful.

Our 15 year old sometimes babysits our 6 year old. We do pay him (less than we pay our nanny per hour) and it's fine. He started when he was 14.

christmasmiserymary · 11/12/2020 15:03

I would as long as they could easily contact me and vice versa.

Halloweiner · 11/12/2020 15:16

Depends on how sensible the 14yo is, and how well they get on

Yesmate · 11/12/2020 21:59

@HitthatroadJack what on earth do you mean? If it’s that we look back horrified it’s because now we are parents we can’t imagine leaving our children with 14 year olds.

Bumpsadaisie · 12/12/2020 08:39

You could always schedule a zoom to check in with them - see how they are?

I think it's fine for a couple of days. Yes they'll be glued to screens but it's the first days of the holidays. You can do more wholesome stuff on the 23rd!

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