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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

14 year old abs 9 year old at home all day alone while we work.

96 replies

WheresMyMask · 11/12/2020 11:19

There's two days DH and I are at work and the kids are off school.
Monday 21st
Tuesday 22nd

Obviously the 14 year old is fine at home during the day.
And I can get childcare for the 9 year old. But I'm wondering whether I need to to. I think they will probably be fine, just a bit bored. I don't think they will set the house on fire.

Timing wise it would be 07.45-5.15 by themselves two days running.

YABU - never! You're a neglectful witch!
YANBU - of course! My kids have been looking after themselves since they were 2.

OP posts:
RudbeckiaGoldstrum · 11/12/2020 12:08

I leave my 14 year old in charge of my 4 year old.
And they are fine.

My 14 year old is super sensible.

bluebluezoo · 11/12/2020 12:10

You know them, are they likely to kill each other?

This. Mine would likely be fine on their own. Left together though i’d be concerned I’d come home to a murder scene...

twilightcafe · 11/12/2020 12:12

A couple of hours? Yes
All day? No.
My 12yo would be fine for the day. But 9yo would get bored. And they'd wind each other up.
The 9yo can go to holiday club.

thenightsky · 11/12/2020 12:13

14 and 9 are the same age gap as mine. I occasionally left them for the odd day, but I was part time and out of the house from 8am to 3pm. I also had a retired lady next door who they knew they could shout for. In fact, I often got home to find they were helping her with gardening.

I once had to leave them from 6am to 10pm, which freaked me out a fair bit, but it was an emergency.

MessAllOver · 11/12/2020 12:14

Is a neighbour home who could help in case of an emergency? I'd be ok with leaving them, but 14 yo needs a responsible adult nearby in case of an emergency.

HitthatroadJack · 11/12/2020 12:16

@Yesmate

Going against the grain here but I wouldn’t do it. 14, fine. 9, not fine. I don’t think a 14 year old should have responsibility for that long for a child if that age. I babysat (nightime) at 14, as did my friends and we all look back horrified now. It’s a no from me (I haven’t bites though because I don’t think you are a neglectful witch!)
what the hell did you do when you were babysitting?
WillingWarlock · 11/12/2020 12:16

Personally I would not. I don't think it is fair on the 14 year old. I think a whole day of supervising is very different to babysitting for a few hours in the evening.

Sunshineandflipflops · 11/12/2020 12:17

I would for an hour or two with those ages but not for over 9 hours, 2 days in a row. My kids wouldn't like it though to be fair and would likely be ringing me every 5 minutes.

I don't think you'd be neglectful but I would just worry too much if it were me and then I wouldn't be focused on my job properly.

Lilmzsnowflake · 11/12/2020 12:18

It depends if they would kill each other tbh. Mine would be fine alone but together, all hell would break loose. So depends on the child.
14 is definitely ok, it’s the younger one where I think it depends on their character and relationship.
You can leave food, check in whenever is possible by phone, perhaps let trusted neighbours know in case there is an issue. The usual no answering the door, no going out, no other friends over.
Set it up as a big deal, how much you trust them, how proud you are etc, and perhaps a special treat dinner for the end of the second day if all goes well.

BrieAndChilli · 11/12/2020 12:20

I have a 13, 12 and 10 year olds. I would leave them for the day.

  • I work 5 minute drive away so know I can get back quite quickly if necessary (as opposed to an hour commute for example)
  • neighbours across the road are retired and so likely to be in if real emergency
  • 13 year old has (mild) ASD and so doesn’t like to break rules/will tell me if any rules broken
  • 12 year old is very practical, she’s a scout, amazing at cooking, great at problem solving, good in a crisis etc so I know she would be able to cope in an emergency.
  • 10 year old could be the wild card but as long as he can watch YouTube/Disney+ and play video games and someone feeds him he is fine. Plus he knows any problems then he will have to go to childcare next time!

We have several rules in place eg no sharp knives, no trampolining, no fighting, no bathing/showering, no getting the guinea pigs out of cage, no using gas/oven etc

bathsh3ba · 11/12/2020 12:22

I think it's fine as long as:

  • they are both okay with it
  • they can contact you, or a named person in your stead
  • either you are close enough to get home quickly in an emergency or someone else local would be on hand to help

However I'm sure I've read of a prosecution in a similar case - teen left in charge of younger sibling. So I'd probably be nervous even though I would do it.

My two are 13 and 11 and currently I wouldn't leave them a full day but I would leave them a half day. By the time they were 14 and 12, I think I probably would leave them a full day, and certainly by the time they were 15 and 13.

unicornparty · 11/12/2020 12:23

It would be a no for me. I think it's too long over 2 consecutive days. If it for a few hours as a one off I'd be ok with it but not the times you're suggesting.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 11/12/2020 12:25

Depends on how they get on.........if you can afford it I'd bung the teenager a tenner or something tho.

VetiverAndLavender · 11/12/2020 12:25

A responsible 14-year-old? And a reasonably well-behaved 9-year-old? As long as they get along and won't fight the whole time, that is absolutely fine. Of course they do need to know how to reach you or some other responsible, trusted adult, in case of an emergency, but no doubt they already know how to contact you or their father.

I wouldn't even hesitate.

Whywouldthis · 11/12/2020 12:27

You know your own children so if you’re comfortable with it, I can’t see any reason not to.

I babysat 3 kids at that age.

Emmylou292 · 11/12/2020 12:28

Is the 14 year old a girl?
In general girls tend to be more mature/ responsible at that age, but I'm sure there are some sensible 14 year old boys out there too that can be trusted. I just haven't met one yet!

InTheLongGrass · 11/12/2020 12:30

Anyway one, or both, of you could shift your hours slightly, so someone leaves a bit later, and someone is home a bit earlier?

Yes, I'd leave them if they get on.

CodenameVillanelle · 11/12/2020 12:30

I used to babysit kids during the holidays while their parents worked at 14. As long as the 14 year old is mature and trustworthy then it's fine

pipnchops · 11/12/2020 12:32

I think this is fine, I used to be left at home looking after my younger brother at the age of 14, he would have been about 10. It was just for the morning but it was every day during the school holidays.

Original poster
WheresMyMask · 11/12/2020 12:33

Anyway one, or both, of you could shift your hours slightly, so someone leaves a bit later, and someone is home a bit earlier?

I'm a HCP, so I'm out the door before anyone wakes up, and home when the youngest ones are asleep.

DH is already leaving later and coming home earlier.

OP posts:
DodgeRainClouds · 11/12/2020 12:33

At 13 I was babysitting a 3yr old and 10mth old from 4pm until about 11pm. I was very responsible though and took it very seriously as I knew childcare was going to be my future career.

CeibaTree · 11/12/2020 12:38

I think that's fine - providing your kids generally get on well and won't spend the day winding each other up. My parents left us alone for periods starting from when I was about 11, so my youngest brother would have been around 9 (eldest child would have been 14). Just make sure you leave them lots of food :)

flaviaritt · 11/12/2020 12:38

Not for that length of time, I wouldn’t.

BrummyMum1 · 11/12/2020 12:40

I babysat at 15 for 3 young children. Difference was my own parents lived a couple of doors down and were always there as back up. If you know someone who can be a back up for your 14 year old to call in an emergency then that’s fine.

Shelby30 · 11/12/2020 12:40

14yr old fine but I wouldn't leave 9yr old with them for that length of time. If it was a half day then probably wld but not for 9+ hrs.