To think decent present giving to adults is an impossible task?

[DuggeeBear]

I keep looking and looking and looking and time is running out. I sound like a right misery I know but I can't find anything to get my partner for Christmas from either myself or our son. I can do the usual socks, beer, chocolates but everything else seems like fancy tat or something he will never like let alone use. I am struggling. But I was also looking for myself. There is nothing I want. I look at it all and think who would want a personalised leather headphone holder? Good lord I sound a right grump and I'm not but I'm struggling this year. I don't know what to do! I did a tree last year and our garden is brimming with plants so don't want to go down that route again and that's his main hobby.

Not proud to admit this but I once lost my shit at DH for not giving any ideas what to buy for him. I had my entire family constantly asking and no fucking idea. Ended up giving him a deadline to give us some ideas or he'd get nothing.

Agree. I’ve managed to get DH the perfect present this year but he’s usually so hard to buy for. He buys what he wants within reason and he has expensive/ particular taste. He keeps asking what I want and the answer is nothing! All of our parents are difficult to buy for as we find ourselves buying the same things over and over again or wracking our brains to get to come up with something different.

This year DH and I aren’t doing big presents - he’s got a few small things (some comfy clothes for working from home, some chocolate he likes, a couple of small framed prints and a book). Neither of us could think of anything this year. No idea what he’s getting for me - not much I expect as I couldn’t give any ideas. If I want something I just get it but I don’t want much!

I am struggling too. The most of the presents I give are things like theatre tickets and restaurant vouchers, which aren't much use here in Tier 3.

This year most people, DH included, are getting booze - single malt for him, fancier than he'd normally buy. Other than that I can't help!

The best present ever got DH was a coconut! Something he loves but wouldn't think to buy himself.

I think in a couple expensive presents are pointless, you're only spending each other's money anyway.

I am the same, OP. Most adults I know too. We only gift children for that reason.

I really find it odd when adults give each other huge Xmas pressies. I don't get it.

@TheTurnOfTheScrew I have just ordered expensive gin but it is something we'd buy anyway in "the Christmas shop" but just more fancy and more money.

I have asked him and he told me something he wanted and then sort of retracted it a few days later in a conversation we had

@Sanchi I absolutely agree. I only buy for my mum no one else adult except DP. No major presents but I'm struggling for anything this year. It all seems pointless and he won't be pleased he will just say thanks and it will be the end of that.

Omg yes men are impossible. DH I can just about cope with (by throwing money at it) but my 2 brother in laws?? Omg nightmare!!

Trying to buy a gift in the £15-20 bracket for two adult males grrr!! And they're both such good friends of mine too and I always feel like I get them such naff presents of the booze, socks, trivia games type thing. My sisters, on the other hand, I could buy a present for every day of the year!!

And don't even get me started on buying for my dad!!

I really struggle for ideas for OH. My family is easy to buy for I always have good ideas for them, so I blame OH for not having any hobbies 😅

Partner and I get each other small pressures and have a weekend away in Jan/Feb as our main joint present. Would this work? I'm also doing charity donations instead of presents for some, and wildlife garden stuff for others. I loathe clutter and cheap tat. I can also highly recommend www.folksy.com for nice non-Amazon presses.

Pressures = pressies

You don't have to do presents. Life has changed, we have a greater amount of disposable income and women have their own money.

I think Birthdays can be a better time to treat each other and even that can be a special meal out, or trip away.

We tend to buy ourselves joint presents - means we can splash out.

Our wedding anniversary we bought a painting that we both loved and we’ve just ordered a rowing machine for Xmas. So much better. Means we can be
More indulgent 😂

It’s because men mainly don’t care about their surroundings or their appearance or their clothes....much harder.

Anything hobby related is a wonder

It does seem to get more difficult, the older you get. My DH, DB, DSis and DBIL have no idea whatsoever this year and neither do I. (We normally spend Christmas together and part of the fun is watching each open their thoughtful presents).

I tend to get presents like ornaments, candles, chocolates and accessory scarves from friends that I keep for a short time and then give away unused. (Have said we won't buy for future Christmases, thank goodness).

Thing is, if we all stop buying for adults then the economy, which we are all so concerned about, will surely be stuffed.

Having said he didn’t want anything one year, my dh then went out in early January and bought an expensive laptop/briefcase thing on wheels - he was travelling for work a lot at the time.

I was 🤬 that he hadn’t said he wanted one before Christmas!

He never buys himself clothes, though, so it’s often been new shirt/jumper/trousers. Or nice sheepskin slippers, though I did those last year for the 2nd time and they haven’t worn out yet.

Although we’ve told each other not to bother this year, I’ve bought him a box set of a French police crime drama which he likes, and which we haven’t been able to find anywhere on Netflix etc.

I have the same problem! My DP is the least materialistic person I know. He very minimalist in what he owns, never really buys treats for himself (I seem to have the opposite issue personally... 💅🏼😂) so please let me know if you think of any good ideas!

It takes a lot of knowledge about someone - and a good deal of luck - to buy them something you know they love. Could be as fortuitous a coincidence as seeing them pick up something in a shop longingly (and even they may have bought it for themselves after!)

The best piece of advice I got was 'never buy someone a present in a field or hobby that they're an "expert" in', whether that's baking, reading a certain genre of fiction, whatever. Almost always bound to disappoint.

I do like checking Notonthehighstreet for inspiration.

I've got DH a new pair of trainers because his favourite ones are getting a bit tatty (he buys his own trainers mainly but has said before his favourite ones have always been something I've bought as I choose something a bit different, he'd just replace like for like), tickets to a comedy gig next October, with a night in a nice hotel and a new overnight bag because he was complaining last time we went away that he needs a new one, some fancy beard oil, a couple of graphic novels I know he wants including one he doesn't know about that doesn't technically come out until boxing Day but they're letting me have Christmas Eve, where the artist is local so the comic book shop kindly got it signed for me, plus a stocking with smellies, sweets, socks, a new diary and nice pen as he just got promoted.

I asked DS what would you like to get daddy for Christmas he said a boat and batman slippers, so we got an RC amphibious thing they'll play with together in the park and batman slippers, DH will absolutely know DS chose them.
None of the above is groundbreaking, but I got him his first smartwatch for his birthday recently and he was over the moon with it but it's limited my budget for Christmas.

We just do lists in advance. Then people can pick something off the list. It’s usually nicer versions of useful stuff - posh shower gel / soap / shampoo, booze, cooking ingredients etc. My sister and her husband like a cheese hamper so they’ll get that. Other people prefer sweet stuff so they can have a biscuit and choc hamper. Etc.

DH has been easy this year as he actually asked for something. I always like a surprise but (despite previous good form) it hurts his head so I usually choose my own.

Normally it's just clothes for him. Dull.

If he likes gardening is it worth getting him some decent tools? I got two pairs of amazing secateurs from the ideal home show last year and they make light of every job.previously I'd been using what I considered to be good tools but the professional tools are something else.

If the garden is his main hobby, that’s the direction I’d go in: premium quality spade or secateurs or strimmer or long-handled lopper or something along those lines. There’s this trope that gifts shouldn’t be practical, but most of the men I know salivate over expensive DIY kit.

I’ve bought a book about an obscure Russian film maker for my boyfriend. And a fancy fountain pen.

I’m my dad’s secret Santa this year. He’s notoriously difficult to buy for but the beauty of secret Santa is that he’s the only family member I have to worry about.