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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would this be a shit Christmas dinner?

166 replies

Lullabyebye · 10/12/2020 18:43

DP and I are hosting this year - first time ever. It’s my parents, his parents and his brother. My mum is a retired chef (a very good one) but with age and arthritis, she gets super stressed with Xmas and so we are completely taking over.

As a family we hate Turkey so usually have beef. We have preordered fore rib and a gammon joint. We will have all the normal trimmings. We like Yorkshire puddings and MIL has demanded them (I know there’s some strong opinions on this!) so I bought nice ones that I’ve put in the freezer.

My plan is to just not stress. It should be a nice meal but it’s just a fancy roast eh?
So for starters, my mum was going to make coquille st Jacque. But I tried some frozen ones from Aldi and they were delicious. No one else (in laws) needs know... that would be starters.

Dessert - we asked MIL to contribute and she said she’d make Sticky Toffee Pud, we have also got some Christmas puddings.

We are cooking everyone a big fry up first. We have some smoked salmon which I will probably do vol au vent style with cream cheese as a snack.

Is this lazy? I just don’t see the point in not enjoying the day because we are stressed. I’m usually quite efficient in the kitchen and I’ve smashed out a few roasts, but I’m not a regular cook.

Opinions?

YABU - just bloody cook it properly
YANBU - it’s not just about the food and it sounds fine

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 10/12/2020 19:30

Why are they coming at 11 for breakfast?! Confused

Just tell them what time dinner is and ask them to arrive whatever amount of time you choose beforehand for drinks/present opening! That should make things easier again.

CeibaTree · 10/12/2020 19:31

If they are coming at 11 don't do a fry up - just croissants and smoked salmon when they arrive, then lunch around 3. We usually buy our whole meal ready prepped from M&S so you are not being lazy at all!

BreatheAndFocus · 10/12/2020 19:31

I wouldn’t do the fry up. Apart from the timing concern and the fact that people might be too full to enjoy the Christmas Dinner, I think it’s too fatty and heavy and might put people over their fat and salt tolerance, marring the Christmas meal.

Croissants or pastries are nice, or smoked salmon in scrambled eggs. Filling but not too heavy.

JingsMahBucket · 10/12/2020 19:32

@Lullabyebye if you're doing a big brunch at 11am then I'd say serve dinner at 4pm or 5pm. You can graze until then. The coquilles St. Jacques could be at 4:15 or so and the main dish at 5pm.

willowmelangell · 10/12/2020 19:33

@Bloatstoat your kind invitation to your fil made me smileGrin

pickingdaisies · 10/12/2020 19:34

Ignore advice to make Yorkshires. Frozen ones are perfectly fine (in my case, usually better than my home made ones, especially if under stress. Sounds lovely, and I wish I could persuade my lot to have beef for Christmas.

pictish · 10/12/2020 19:34

I mean I know we joke about it...but really, most people simply can’t eat stodge all day long.

waterlego · 10/12/2020 19:35

If I was having a fry up at 11am, I don’t think I’d be ready for full Xmas dinner till 7 or 8pm, if at all. 😐

Original poster
Lullabyebye · 10/12/2020 19:35

DP’s mum specifically said “we will come at 11 for a nice breakfast is that ok?”

My family usually have a small fry up (eggs, bacon) and some fizz.
My mum always cooked lobster Thermidor and chateaubriand. We usually had profiteroles. I could eat it all but usually fell asleep straight after!

I do feel an incredible amount of pressure. DP is trying to win his mum’s love and we’ve just agreed to make all the Christmas crackers as a surprise. So now we have to go shopping to buy special gifts for inside Angry

His dad said “I can’t wait for my lobster Thermidor” but we can’t afford lobster as it’s so out of season (we live on the coast so have easy access to fresh seafood) and I already feel a bit put out.

What is worse is DP and I are away until late Christmas Eve for work, so we have no prep time!
My parents moved in for lockdown so my mum is doing the last minute shopping and prep but I’ve told her not to worry about it too much

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 10/12/2020 19:36

Can I come?

FlamedToACrisp · 10/12/2020 19:36

Sounds good to me, but I would also offer (shop) mince pies and at least one thing that's cold and wet for pudding eg jelly/ice cream/cheesecake/gateau/trifle.

TenShortStories · 10/12/2020 19:36

A help yourself breakfast of pastries, coffee and bucks fizz (and maybe some fruit) will all your life much easier. Guests won't want to fill up too much but also won't want to be rude by not eating all the fry up components you've made.

For a big fry up at 11, I'd not want to eat again (other than nibbles) until at least 5pm. If it was pastries only, I'd be ready at 3pm.

OhCaptain · 10/12/2020 19:37

This is madness, @Lullabyebye. It’s your Christmas too!

Are they expecting your chef mother to produce all of this for them?

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 10/12/2020 19:37

Sounds good to me.

I’m a distinctly average cook and don’t want to spend Christmas Day stuck in the kitchen, missing out of watching the kids having fun.

I’m all about pre-prepared veg, goose fat potatoes bought in a roasting tin, ready made Yorkshire’s etc etc. It’s delicious and minimal effort.

When kids are older I may feel more inclined to return to cooking it from scratch again.... or maybe not 🤣

pepsicolagirl · 10/12/2020 19:37

@pictish

I mean I know we joke about it...but really, most people simply can’t eat stodge all day long.
Are you challenging me madam? Grin
waterlego · 10/12/2020 19:38

A small fry-up is a different matter. I thought you meant the full works. I reckon I could manage a mid/late afternoon Xmas dinner after a small fry up late morning. It all sounds very welcoming and lovely. Don’t forget it’s your home and your kitchen. You should prepare the food YOU want to offer and try not to worry about what others want or usually have. Easier said than done though, I know.

pickingdaisies · 10/12/2020 19:38

Just saw your update about the fry up, can you simplify, eg do bacon, scrambled eggs, bagels and toast? It's a bit much doing a full fry up if you're trying to keep it low stress.

TenShortStories · 10/12/2020 19:39

Who asked for the fry up? If it's the in laws I'd just be firm and say it won't work and they should have it at home before they come. If it's someone from your house then they can organise it themselves for 9am so it doesn't have to include the in-laws!

pepsicolagirl · 10/12/2020 19:40

@Lullabyebye

DP’s mum specifically said “we will come at 11 for a nice breakfast is that ok?”

My family usually have a small fry up (eggs, bacon) and some fizz.
My mum always cooked lobster Thermidor and chateaubriand. We usually had profiteroles. I could eat it all but usually fell asleep straight after!

I do feel an incredible amount of pressure. DP is trying to win his mum’s love and we’ve just agreed to make all the Christmas crackers as a surprise. So now we have to go shopping to buy special gifts for inside Angry

His dad said “I can’t wait for my lobster Thermidor” but we can’t afford lobster as it’s so out of season (we live on the coast so have easy access to fresh seafood) and I already feel a bit put out.

What is worse is DP and I are away until late Christmas Eve for work, so we have no prep time!
My parents moved in for lockdown so my mum is doing the last minute shopping and prep but I’ve told her not to worry about it too much

So put your DP in charge of cooking breakfast. Prep on 23rd what you cannot buy ready to oven.

You agreed to make christmas crackers!?!?! May the odds be ever in your favour my friend (please put something awful in your FIL cracker? it feels like too good an opportunity to waste)

Original poster
Lullabyebye · 10/12/2020 19:41

@OhCaptain yep they are. DP’s family usually go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner as they can’t be bothered.

I think they expect mum to cook it all despite us saying we are (especially as they know we are bubbled)

I will ask my parents if they want the big brekkie. If not then we won’t do it. DP only eats bacon, sausage and hash browns though as a breakfast food.

OP posts:
pictish · 10/12/2020 19:41

Ditch the hefty fry up. Have bacon croissants...or smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on toast...or pastries and fruit salad.

pepsicolagirl · 10/12/2020 19:41

and remember. If you make it absolutely perfect for them they will want it every sodding year.

pepsicolagirl · 10/12/2020 19:42

@pictish

Ditch the hefty fry up. Have bacon croissants...or smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on toast...or pastries and fruit salad.
Bacon croissants are a good shout
pickingdaisies · 10/12/2020 19:42

Aargh, keep missing your updates! I think you need to manage your Pil's expectations here OP. Just tell them that lobster is off the menu this year. And don't apologise for the fact.

Eddielzzard · 10/12/2020 19:43

Bloody hell they're expecting a fry up and lobster thermidor!?? CF's!!

Def go with the easy option. You won't feel so resentful then. I did this with my in laws, went for the easy option, didn't tell them. Was brilliant.