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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Odd behaviour from parent at school

76 replies

ruby4ever · 09/12/2020 17:43

Hi all
Due to working from home dh has been able to do the school runs. He's on hi/hello terms with one of the mums, her dc is friends with our dc also in the same class. They tend to bump in to each other during the school run, small talk about the boys, if she sees him she will say hello and vice versa.
Anyways last week dh comes home and tells me he saw the mum with her partner. She said hello to dh first, to which her partner seemed very shocked and taken back by, he looked oddly at dh, no smile no nothing. However since that day, it seems now the mum avoids my dh. She won't look in his direction nor say hello, when walking back or to school our dc try to communicate with each other but it seems like she's trying to get him away, and won't make eye contact with dh as so not to speak.
It's disheartening our dc has picked up on it and has asked why, is confused why she was happily interacting with them before and now avoiding them.
I must say they are white English, we are not. I feel her dh has said for her not to talk to him, Like what possible reason could he have!? It's rather strange.
I just don't get what woman just hears and obeys her dh with no good reason! I know if my dh didn't like me speaking to a parent, perhaps to keep the peace at home, I would continue to speak just not when dh is with me.

OP posts:
Theworkwitch · 09/12/2020 17:46

Perhaps he knows him from somewhere and doesn't like him. Or he's just a jealous, abusive tosser.

ruby4ever · 09/12/2020 17:50

He definitely doesn't know him from anywhere. It's a shame because our children are friends, if my dc has picked up on it, it's only a matter of time til theirs does if they Haven't Already

OP posts:
pigeonsandthings · 09/12/2020 17:50

Maybe she said she fancied you from another time to him and now he know she sees him every day he's not happy

pigeonsandthings · 09/12/2020 17:51

Sorry your DH

boredinthouse · 09/12/2020 17:52

Have you noticed this yourself OP or is it just what your DH is telling you.

Meowchickameowmeow · 09/12/2020 17:53

It sounds like she's been told by her partner not to speak to him, maybe she's afraid of the consequences if she does?

WiseOwlWan · 09/12/2020 17:53

Hmmmm. Before you got to the bit about race, i suspected your husband had been a bit too flirtatious. She told her new bf. He now sends back off vibes to your dh.

MitziK · 09/12/2020 17:54

I'd suspect her jealous, abusive and probably racist partner has told her she's not to speak to men on the schoolrun (or worse - accused her of being unfaithful with him).

Her 'good reason' might be that she's scared of the arsehole.

Plonque · 09/12/2020 17:54

I'd have said either
a) he's either an abuser and/or jealous and got tetchy at the nature of the male/female friendship and has threatened her not to have any more contact.
b) racism.

blubberball · 09/12/2020 17:54

People are weird. I remember the primary school pick ups. People would be chatty with me one day, and completely blank me the next. All very cliquey, and I'm glad that I no longer have to deal with it.

WhiteFeatherFairy · 09/12/2020 17:55

She's been telling her DH about your friendly DH, he feels threatened, and he's told her to back off. Case closed.

I don't think race has much to do with it, just a jealous husband.

WiseOwlWan · 09/12/2020 17:56

They have only just got together.
I think your hsbnd is ommitting part of the story

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/12/2020 17:56

I'm a single mum and do not engage with any of the dads for this very reason.

WiseOwlWan · 09/12/2020 17:57

Like he was a bit toooo flirtatious and chatty

TillyTopper · 09/12/2020 17:58

Agree with @WhiteFeatherFairy, just due to a jealous husband. Perhaps she mentioned your DH to her DH... perhaps when the guy saw your DH he felt threatened.

OverTheRainbow88 · 09/12/2020 17:58

Maybe the partner is racist, so shit.

Nottherealslimshady · 09/12/2020 17:58

Boyfriend is jealous/ possessive/ abusive/ racist/ all of the above.

HallFloor · 09/12/2020 18:03

Without the race thing, I'd have said partner is jealous that mother has a friendship with a male school parent. So maybe it's just that?

WiseOwlWan · 09/12/2020 18:05

@TeachesOfPeaches

I'm a single mum and do not engage with any of the dads for this very reason.
Yes, it's a minefield. I took a lift to the station from school, in lashing rain once and a trio of sneery mums asked me was i froends with man who'd given me the lift. Was also asked once when id last had sex. Unbelievable. Single mums have to be very careful. They cant win Its always their fault whatever it is. No married woman is going to look at her own husband and realise he is the cause of tge froideur, because... he assumed her kids had different fathers or asked a nosy qurstion or behaved inappropriately. Or asked her how she afforded her house (without a man). I could write a book about the dumb things married womens husbands said to me!
islockdownoveryet · 09/12/2020 18:06

Possibly racist but possibly the partner has said oh he fancies you or you fancy him and she's freaked out . Some people are weird .

whiskybysidedoor · 09/12/2020 18:08

9/10 it’s because your DH has been too flirty or because he knows him from somewhere else and doesn’t like him and gone home and reminded her about it.

I wouldn’t just jump to abuse / racism.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 09/12/2020 18:11

I'm a single mum and I've had no issues with other mum's at the school gates whenever I've befriended the husbands. When the mum's drop kids off for a play, we always have a cup of coffee. If it's the dad who drops off, we also have a coffee. I take my kids to a sport on a different town (which isnt available in our town) and now a few of the others kids have started coming too. Its always the dads who drive them so we all stand together. I'm still friends with the wives and no one has behaved even slightly oddly around me.

Badbackbernie · 09/12/2020 18:14

He doesn’t want her to talk to a male and probably is asking the dc. She’s probably scared of the fall out

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 09/12/2020 18:14

And OP, if the woman is still talking to the white dads then you know it is racism.

It really is most likely that the guy is possessive and jealous and has warned his wife not to talk to your husband but racism is always a very strong possibility.

NeedToKnow101 · 09/12/2020 18:16

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

I'm a single mum and I've had no issues with other mum's at the school gates whenever I've befriended the husbands. When the mum's drop kids off for a play, we always have a cup of coffee. If it's the dad who drops off, we also have a coffee. I take my kids to a sport on a different town (which isnt available in our town) and now a few of the others kids have started coming too. Its always the dads who drive them so we all stand together. I'm still friends with the wives and no one has behaved even slightly oddly around me.
I was a single mum too and didn't get those jealous vibes either. One of my school mum friends even tried to get me to go camping with her husband and the kids, because she hated camping. I don't think I'm completely unfanciable I probably am
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