Odd behaviour from parent at school

[ruby4ever]

Hi all
Due to working from home dh has been able to do the school runs. He's on hi/hello terms with one of the mums, her dc is friends with our dc also in the same class. They tend to bump in to each other during the school run, small talk about the boys, if she sees him she will say hello and vice versa.
Anyways last week dh comes home and tells me he saw the mum with her partner. She said hello to dh first, to which her partner seemed very shocked and taken back by, he looked oddly at dh, no smile no nothing. However since that day, it seems now the mum avoids my dh. She won't look in his direction nor say hello, when walking back or to school our dc try to communicate with each other but it seems like she's trying to get him away, and won't make eye contact with dh as so not to speak.
It's disheartening our dc has picked up on it and has asked why, is confused why she was happily interacting with them before and now avoiding them.
I must say they are white English, we are not. I feel her dh has said for her not to talk to him, Like what possible reason could he have!? It's rather strange.
I just don't get what woman just hears and obeys her dh with no good reason! I know if my dh didn't like me speaking to a parent, perhaps to keep the peace at home, I would continue to speak just not when dh is with me.

Is your DH devilishly handsome?

Sounds like a jealous husband tome

I think he's jealous for whatever reason.

I’m friendly with a dad at school and he’s been around to ours for coffee. I’m also friends with his wife and have had the whole family over for lunch. However there are plenty of possessive partners who would consider that disrespectful and breaching their boundaries ( or however they want to phrase it) The new partner may have given her a hard time about your DH but it doesn’t mean he’s done anything wrong - some people are just jealous and controlling.

I was a single mum too and didn't get those jealous vibes either.

God, I did! With bells on. I once went away on my own and you should have seen all the women close ranks on their husbands round the pool. Wouldn't have minded only it was the women I would have quite liked to have had a chat with, I couldn't give a stuff about their husbands! - but it might have been nice to have another female to chat to every now and again.

Maybe he thinks he recognises your dh as someone who has wronged him but it's a case of mistaken identity. That's what I thought before you mentioned race, but yes that's another possibility that he's racist

It could well be racism, OP It's still depressingly common.

@whiskybysidedoor

9/10 it’s because your DH has been too flirty or because he knows him from somewhere else and doesn’t like him and gone home and reminded her about it.

I wouldn’t just jump to abuse / racism.

This, dreadful how everyone is blaming this guy! Maybe ops husband got to her with a bullshit version of events before it came about he was a bit of a flirt!

I was once at a junior school end-of year party with my son. I was divorced but had been in a new(ish) relationship for around 5 years (unrelated to my divorce!), we just didn't live together. The mums I was friends with knew this but that afternoon one of them said to me 'you're looking good - are you on the pull?' That was around 7 years ago now and I've never forgotten it. So hurtful that someone you thought of as a friend would imagine you had some kind of ulterior motive and could be capable of trying to 'pull' at your DC's school party . So yes, people can be hugely disappointing.

Definitely a jealous husband thing. This happens a lot. Lots of gossip at school gates if someone sees what they think is a bit too friendly banter or chat between someone of the opposite sex.

It depends on the school dad really I speak to two school dads as a single parent they dont bat an eyelid neither do there wives there are many school dads i won't speak to because they have an unsavoury reputation and there was even a Jeremy Kyle style cat fight outside a classroom the teachers turned the blinds so the kids didn't see and turned on some music roll on secondary school

Sounds bizarre all round. Has your dh got anything to lose by directly asking her - when the man isn’t there?

I disagree that it's likely your DH has been "too flirty".

I actually do think it's sadly more likely that she has a jealous partner. There are loads of fuckwits like that out there who can't seem to believe that men and women can be polite and friendly to each other without there being more to it.

I would hold my head up high if I were him, and just be 100% honest with your DC - the truth being that you just don't know why this has happened.

I'm sorry this has happened.

It does sound as if it says more about her (and her DH) than about your DH.

If your DH is hot (or even if he's not) it's because the husband of the other mum is jealous

I only speak to women at the school gate - it's just not worth it!

Really overthinking this school pickup politics! Just chat to other people! Kids really don’t care.

She's in a coercive relationship, what a terrible way to have to live.

Do your boys play outside of school with their kids? If so, can't be a racism issue - he sounds jealous and controlling. I'd want to tell her I'm there if she ever needs to talk and leave it at that. Can you do pick ups for a bit? Make a beeline for her if her dp is there and see if he's friendly with you, then you'll know either way if it's jealousy or racism.

Sounds like she is in an abusive relationship and possibly the DC are being asked if there has been any interaction that day - otherwise, she would probably chat normally when not with her DH. It is very sad.

He may have just realised that all the walks home with the dc - he assumed his wife was with you and it has come to light that your DH always picks up. or he did no and was lead to believe your DH was terribly unattractive man and after meeting him he knows that is not true!

I would assume not racism if your DC are also not white - by that I mean that a horrible racist would discourage your DCs friendship and from what I can tell that has not happened?

I don't know what nationality you are but one thing I noticed about my East European school friends is that they are not constrained by the normal English ideas/unspoken rules of the playground and that is really good. I also notice that there is no issue at all about their DHs and the mums going to parks and events together.

Sounds bizarre all round. Has your dh got anything to lose by directly asking her - when the man isn’t there?

Agree. Maybe this woman is being abused if she’s too scared to talk to DH even when her partner isn’t around. All seems really odd.

I was in an abusive relationship and if another Dad on the school run spoke to me infront my now ex DH my life would be made absolute fucking hell for days, I’d be accused of shagging the person, if I saw the Dad I’d look at the floor I’d be absolutely petrified they’d speak to me in front of him. The days I’d be alone, I say hello to everyone but have limited time to drop off snd must call by a certain time or I’d be accused of giving someone a blow job outside the school. You have absolutely no idea what it’s like to absolutely terrified of the school run, assembly, sports days, Christmas plays, the amount of stress it would cause, with him watching every single person that enters the hall. I used to just look at the floor because I didn’t want anyone to talk to me. Sadly no one knows what goes one behind closed doors.

I would suspect she is a relationship with a man who is jealous and controlling.

"I just don't get what woman just hears and obeys her dh with no good reason! "

Women who are in abusive relationships, that´s who. Surely you aren´t that naive about the situation some women live in?

Sounds like her husband is jealous/controlling to me. I had a partner like that. He used to go ballistic at me for being too friendly (in his opinion) with male work colleagues. When I left that job and got a new one, I avoided all work socialising because I knew it wasn't worth the hassle of jealous partner being jealous... If I could relive that part of my life, I'd have made completely different choices, but anyway, that's my suspicion about what's going on with the school mum.

I'd assume he was controlling/abusive but then she would probably already know that so I'm surprised she'd initiate the hello in the first place (same if he was racist)