Odd behaviour from parent at school

[ruby4ever]

Hi all
Due to working from home dh has been able to do the school runs. He's on hi/hello terms with one of the mums, her dc is friends with our dc also in the same class. They tend to bump in to each other during the school run, small talk about the boys, if she sees him she will say hello and vice versa.
Anyways last week dh comes home and tells me he saw the mum with her partner. She said hello to dh first, to which her partner seemed very shocked and taken back by, he looked oddly at dh, no smile no nothing. However since that day, it seems now the mum avoids my dh. She won't look in his direction nor say hello, when walking back or to school our dc try to communicate with each other but it seems like she's trying to get him away, and won't make eye contact with dh as so not to speak.
It's disheartening our dc has picked up on it and has asked why, is confused why she was happily interacting with them before and now avoiding them.
I must say they are white English, we are not. I feel her dh has said for her not to talk to him, Like what possible reason could he have!? It's rather strange.
I just don't get what woman just hears and obeys her dh with no good reason! I know if my dh didn't like me speaking to a parent, perhaps to keep the peace at home, I would continue to speak just not when dh is with me.

I've not had a chance to read all the responses. Will do very shortly.
Just wanted to quickly add I very much doubt flirtatious, dh is so not that type. Plus everyone's got mask on due to the pandemic.
Her partner is not a new bf of hers, they have another child together who is of high school age.

I say partner and not husband, as I don't know if they are married. But clearly a long term partner at the very least.

Yeah not everything is about race, sometimes things are even more sinister...she could be getting battered day in and day out and the only interaction she had was with your husband.. You don't know but you have assumed it was down to skin colour or language. I was in abusive relationship I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone,male or female I'd be kept up all night being questioned or living in fear I'd get hit!

Unfortunately there are a lot of jealous partners out their and also during lockdown domestic violence has been rife. I would be concerned for the spouse now not making eye contact...

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

I'm a single mum and I've had no issues with other mum's at the school gates whenever I've befriended the husbands. When the mum's drop kids off for a play, we always have a cup of coffee. If it's the dad who drops off, we also have a coffee. I take my kids to a sport on a different town (which isnt available in our town) and now a few of the others kids have started coming too. Its always the dads who drive them so we all stand together. I'm still friends with the wives and no one has behaved even slightly oddly around me.

This. I’m not single but there are single mums at my DCs school, I don’t think there has ever been an issue with anyone talking to anyone else. I talk to everyone, mums, dads, grandparents. It’s all friendly and everyone smiles, nods & chats to each other.

I just don't get what woman just hears and obeys her dh with no good reason! I know if my dh didn't like me speaking to a parent, perhaps to keep the peace at home, I would continue to speak just not when dh is with me.

You really cant imagine why a woman would hear and obey? I can think of several reasons!

Their DS has perhaps repeated to your DC something overheard from his parents, and that's how your DC has picked up on the womans new behaviour to your DH . Maybe ask him if Jimmy has said anything that's upsetting him.

The partner is probably obsessively jealous and the poor woman has been on the receiving end before.

I wouldn't think it was racism as surely the wife would have been aware he's racist and possibly not have spoken to your dh previously? Then again like another poster said wouldn't she have been aware of her partner being jealous?- Maybe but I think it's less likely. Maybe your dh is good looking or younger than the partner and.he feels threatened. Either way OP just let these people go. Your son can still be friends with theirs at school and there will be plenty of other kids he can befriend. Try not to make an issue of it with him and just brush it off. I'm an English woman but I'm muslim and wear hijab so I get quite a range of responses from people. Some people do avoid speaking to me or ignore me. Those aren't my people. My kids are all popular and have no problems. I am friends with some school parents but not all. One dad got angry with me for being 2 minutes late for a something and he wouldn't even speak to me. It was ridiculous. Our sons are still friends but I made a mental note to keep my distance to an extent and never make that kind of arrangement with him again. I try and interact with the mum where possible.

Jealousy. He's, controlling and doesn't like his wife having a male friend or acquaintance.

Thank you everyone for your responses. Perhaps many are right, he could be possessive and jealous, doesn't want her talking to a man on the school run.
My dc hasn't had any issues with his friend, so I think I'll just be grateful that Atleast the dad isn't saying anything negative towards their friendship as far as am aware

Doubt it’s racism. Far more likely the Mum’s partner has said he isn’t comfortable with her talking to a man.

It could be racism- I don't want to gaslight you over this.

But, my first thought was probably your husband is hot!

When you’re with a controlling piece of shit the other bloke could look like the back of the bus and it would still get you a grief, when someone is thy bad towards you a human being having a penis is enough for jealousy

Completely agree with Spongebob and Wednesday ... years ago I was in a relationship with a very paranoid, controlling man. If I had spoken to someone he knew I saw daily, I would never have heard the last of it… I would have been accused of having an affair, or fancying this man, etc. My ex would also say that by being friendly, the man would assume that I fancied him. I remember him once giving me hell for chatting with the salesman when we were buying something in store. He said ‘why did you talk to him, he’s going to think you fancy him now. How do you think that makes me look?’ I’ve also been on the other end: worked closely with a man for several weeks, he was training me to do the same job as he did. Saw him out in a restaurant one lunchtime, he was with his wife and child and the GPs, and I was with my parents. As we left, we walked past his table and I said hello – that is all I said, hello. He basically ignored me. Found out from colleagues later that his wife is insanely jealous and would no doubt have given him grief about it.

@Spongebobsquarefringe yes!! This too ... my ex would accuse me of fancying/shagging anyone - Young, old, fat, thin… It really made no difference.

I just don't get what woman just hears and obeys her dh with no good reason!

This used to be me. Believe me, it was easier to do as I was told and made my life much less stressful.

@Piffle11 exactly this, the bloke doesn’t have to be a ripped Adonis could quite literally just be a bog standard dad. Just a man. I obeyed all the rules believe me, much better than be ripped out of my bed by my hair at 4am and accused of doing things and having my phone confiscated so i couldn’t call anyone for help because the landline had been smashed up. so ask again why women do these things, fear of being hurt, their children being hurt and not being believed, I never had a mark on me, the mental torture was far worse. When I went to the police it was a waste of time, I’d of been better off walking into the station black and blue with my teeth in my hand least they would have believed it.

The ask again wasn’t too you @Piffle11 just in general on the thread

@Spongebobsquarefringe 💐

my comment about why would women hear and obey was definitely not thought out, just something in the moment I wrote. Am so sorry for all the women that have gone through (and may still be)such horrible experiences, living in fear. I read it with a broken heart. Please try to get help, you deserve to be treated with love and respect, I know it's easier said than done.

I know someone whose DD's best friend is the DD of a widower. The DD's first became friends as they were at nursery together when the friend's mum was ill.

7 years later, it turns out that ever since the man's wife died, the first woman had been subjected to endless abuse and accusations every single time she saw the father of her DD's friend. If she took more than 10 minutes to pick up her daughter from a play date - accusations. If she was doing pick up for both girls - accusations. It was, apparently, endless.

I don't think it's that uncommon unfortunately. I would be feeling concerned for this woman personally.

@SpaceOp exactly the same, that mum that’s always rushing...is probably on a time limit, I was I’d have to call dead on certain times could not break the pattern, one night I had a pint of water poured over me because I’d been late that day. More awareness should be out there, the signs aren’t always obvious we think of DV as a woman with a black eye, not always physical.

I’d be concerned for her well-being and trying to friend her in the hope she would feel confident enough to tell me and I could help.

@SpaceOp

I know someone whose DD's best friend is the DD of a widower. The DD's first became friends as they were at nursery together when the friend's mum was ill.

7 years later, it turns out that ever since the man's wife died, the first woman had been subjected to endless abuse and accusations every single time she saw the father of her DD's friend. If she took more than 10 minutes to pick up her daughter from a play date - accusations. If she was doing pick up for both girls - accusations. It was, apparently, endless.

I don't think it's that uncommon unfortunately. I would be feeling concerned for this woman personally.

I'm confused. The man abused the mother of one of his daughters friends?

@wishywashywoowoo70 No. My friend (Anne) has a DD who is best friends with a girl whose Mum died and who now lives with her father (Jack). Anne's (ex) DP, had a total issue with Jack and would give Anne a hard time whenever she saw Jack, accusing her of having an affair with him etc. This started from pretty much immediately after Jack's wife died, including when Anne was helping Jack out by often having his DD with her DD etc.

@Spongebobsquarefringe

I was in an abusive relationship and if another Dad on the school run spoke to me infront my now ex DH my life would be made absolute fucking hell for days, I’d be accused of shagging the person, if I saw the Dad I’d look at the floor I’d be absolutely petrified they’d speak to me in front of him. The days I’d be alone, I say hello to everyone but have limited time to drop off snd must call by a certain time or I’d be accused of giving someone a blow job outside the school. You have absolutely no idea what it’s like to absolutely terrified of the school run, assembly, sports days, Christmas plays, the amount of stress it would cause, with him watching every single person that enters the hall. I used to just look at the floor because I didn’t want anyone to talk to me. Sadly no one knows what goes one behind closed doors.

This was my life for years. I escaped, eventually. But god, yes, the horror of a male parent even knowing my first name is still with me.

On the other side, when I did escape and became a single mum, the other mums dropped me as a friend entirely.