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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's the rudest thing a stranger has done to you?

704 replies

YoungScrappyHungry · 08/12/2020 14:48

Inspired by the lovely thread about kindest thing strangers have done for you, and also a chance for me to share this horror.

When I was 19, I worked on the tills at a supermarket in my holidays from university.

A woman I was serving was staring at me, trying to get my attention as I scanned her stuff. I looked up at her and smiled. She said, in still the most condescending tone I've ever heard:

'Don't you wish you'd studied now?'

I was so floored and ashamed, I didn't say a thing back and just carried on scanning her things. Fact was I was actually at university, but even if I hadn't been....aghh!....still gets me.

What are yours?

OP posts:
elfycat · 08/12/2020 18:05

I was 23 (early 90s) and had just finished taking a nurse exam and my colleagues and I went to the local pub for a celebratory diet cola. Small pub in the middle of a hospital complex which grew up around it over the years.

Standing at the bar chatting with my friends I felt someone touching my bottom. I initially thought it was one of my male friends pratting about and was going to give them a firm backhanded slap and tell them sternly not to try that again. Only as I turned I realised I didn't recognise the man sat on the bar stool biting my arse.

When I hit him it was somewhat harder that I'd planned (automatic reflex to being assaulted rather than a planned punch) and he, the stool, and his pint went over. I'd knocked him out and had to quickly put him in the recovery position. His friends came down and started apologising; they'd dared him to do it - bunch of pillocks medical students who were very lucky I didn't put in a complaint.

There's a second one, also involving my butt. 2000s now and on the Jubilee Lin in London. Standing room only. Felt someone cupping my bottom and squeezing gently ewww. I'd read something in a magazine and dared myself to do it. I counted to three, reached behind grabbing the wrist across the bones tightly. Raised the hand up and very, very loudly said 'Has anyone lost a hand? I found this one wandering lost on my arse.'

Never did turn to look at him, but worked out who he was at the next stop when everyone else in the carriage watched him get off. Funny coincidence that the next stop was his.

CoronaIsWatching · 08/12/2020 18:09

I used to work in Morrisons in a town which had a high proportion of old people and used to get comments like yours all the time OP. When I was a teen I would just blush and look down, but if it happened now I would tell them to fuck off no matter how old they are

TheLesserOfTwoWeevils · 08/12/2020 18:12

When I was 18 or 19 I was in a club with a couple of old school friends, one male one female. Some random bloke came over to my male friend, greeted him as if he knew him and started trying to pull him away - "we're all having a drink at the bar mate, come join us and have a catch up!" My friend pulled away from him and asked him what the hell he was doing. The random bloke said (I suspect not as quietly as he thought he was) "sorry mate I just thought you looked like you needed rescuing from this pair of mingers"

I mean, I am ugly and I know it, but that really stung. My friend put him in his place

lljkk · 08/12/2020 18:13

A bloke insisted my grandfather had only done well (career) because our surname came early in the alphabet.

I kept trying to get in touch with new preschool chairperson replacing me; she returned no calls & first meeting announced we needed a constitution since the preschool didn't have one. "Yes we do" I said, pulling out my copy.

Friend who explained that with "X doesn't suffer fools".

Guy letting his dog run wild chasing cyclists on a bmx track (imagine bikes flying thru the air): I said dog was in danger. Dog owner told me to feck off to my home country.

Also had Squeezed boobs & cat calls from random passer by or whispered sex talk when I was only 13, but I class those as harrassment: criminal not merely rude.

AllAboutHallowsEve · 08/12/2020 18:14

@bloodufrostycar I'm so sorry that happened to you. If it's any small comfort, the nurse was talking absolute rubbish as you can't just give anyone's breast milk to another woman's premature baby as it's a bodily fluid. You would need to undergo a health questionnaire and blood test to check for infections like HIV first. No need to feel guilty at all. You did the right thing.

NotAQueef · 08/12/2020 18:15

Told me that I should never eat again, and must drink water, only water. I was on a day trip to morocco from Spain and was so shocked I couldn't reply. I wouldn't mind but at 5ft9 and a size 14 at the time, I was hardly in lifted by a crane territory. He will forever be remembered as the snaggle- toothed apothecary man.

Finfintytint · 08/12/2020 18:15

@Ffsseriously

All the people saying how customers were rude saying you will end up like this if you dont study. They then gleefully point out they were studying. You really are agreeing with the rude people. You are quick to point out you are more than just bar staff or shop workers, so you are just as rude. Its no come back or challenge to the ingrained snobbish in the remark.
Spot on. Smacks of “ Well, I am better than this after all”. Total confirmation of class reminders.
IrmaFayLear · 08/12/2020 18:16

I agree with pp - working in a supermarket/cafe etc is a perfectly decent job. No need whatsoever to protest that you have a degree and are better than your coworkers.

Mind you, I once went to meet dh (then bf) after work and went into his office. The receptionist held up her hand as I entered and said, “The dhss is next door.”

OscarWildesCat · 08/12/2020 18:20

All the people saying how customers were rude saying you will end up like this if you dont study. They then gleefully point out they were studying. You really are agreeing with the rude people. You are quick to point out you are more than just bar staff or shop workers, so you are just as rude. Its no come back or challenge to the ingrained snobbish in the remark

100% this ^ the comment is rude and un necessary whether you work in a supermarket full time or studied quantum physics at Cambridge!....

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 08/12/2020 18:24

EvelynSalt was it in Asia? i was in Hong Kong with DH and had more than one group of adults point in his face and laugh because he had a beard! One shouted "funny face" at him. Grin. in england he is deemed a good looking bloke...apparently not in Asia.

Oneeata · 08/12/2020 18:28

There's so many coming to mind now after reading through. About 18 months after birth of son my periods stopped completely, must have taken about 40 pregnancy tests all negative, went to GP who referred me to Gynae. Went to appointment with DH, consultant took one glance at me and said "ahh yes I remember you I done your abortion when you were 15! Your overweight, have dark hair you've got PCOS." And sent me on my way. I was mortified. DH didn't know that I'd had a termination (after being raped on my way home from school at 14) No blood tests, no scans, no information - diagnosed on an assumption.

DuchessMinnie · 08/12/2020 18:28

@TheLesserOfTwoWeevils you are not ugly. I swear I have never seen another woman who I have thought to be ugly. Quite a few with ugly personalities and pretty faces though.

Finfintytint · 08/12/2020 18:29

I attended a church fete and was using a wheelchair temporarily after a fairly catastrophic injury and surgery. I was told by one of the organisers “ We don’t mind you being here but make sure you are not in any of the photos”.
WTAF

jollygoose · 08/12/2020 18:30

I have told this one before but still enrages me when I think about it. I was walking through a park when a couple behind me had a dog on a very long lead. The dog ran past me then back the other way encircling me with the lead. I promptly fell over and as I quickly got up and went to smile at the couple to show no harm done the woman said to me in a very nasty tone "aren`t you going to say sorry to the dog"

FiveGensOfLove · 08/12/2020 18:31

Man in a suit grabbed me by the crotch as he passed me walking down the street. I was in my early 20s and too shocked to move or speak.

Had an air gun held to my head when I was a kid by a random stranger in the woods.

Finfintytint · 08/12/2020 18:31

@jollygoose

I have told this one before but still enrages me when I think about it. I was walking through a park when a couple behind me had a dog on a very long lead. The dog ran past me then back the other way encircling me with the lead. I promptly fell over and as I quickly got up and went to smile at the couple to show no harm done the woman said to me in a very nasty tone "aren`t you going to say sorry to the dog"
Sorry to the dog. Grin
sammylady37 · 08/12/2020 18:32

For many years I was obese. I got treated so terribly by strangers. It never ceased to amaze me that people would take time out of their day to mock a stranger.

Some examples:

People making “wide load” noises as I went past

Groups of lads jeering “who’d fuck her? She’d squash you”

Someone coming up behind me, grabbing me and putting his hands on my hips, then standing with his hands my hip-width apart and saying to his friends “guess...what do ye think... 2 feet? 3?”

Someone calling me “our BIGGEST supporter” the day of a match when I was wearing the team jersey

The random guy in a bar who told me apropos of nothing that he didn’t like fucking elephants... (never sure if he meant fucking as a verb or an adjective Hmm)

The guy who came to my office and was trying to describe me to the receptionist because he didn’t know my name, and described me as “the one who’s the size of a house”

I have hundreds of examples of such rude, hurtful behaviour.

Life as an obese woman was not easy.

Rainbowx · 08/12/2020 18:34

Was at centre parcs about to do raft building I'm in a wet suit the young lad who works there says 'oh you'll never drown with those ' points to my very large breasts which I hate as only 5ft2 very heavy and feel huge I regret not punching him and only told partner after holiday so didn't ruin it for our boys...
I was young had a tshirt that said beautiful in glitter 2 men walked passed and said you wish....I've learnt to stand up for myself now and will always say something.lifes to short to be upset by twats.

Finfintytint · 08/12/2020 18:37

Sad thing is, this thread mostly highlights men being vile to women.

Ponypizzy · 08/12/2020 18:37

My husband had an illness that resulted in him being in a spinal unit for 10 months and he is now tetraplegic. While in the unit he was chatting to one of the nurses about the kind of life he lived and he talked about how fit and energetic he was playing golf, football running etc. She said ‘well you won’t be doing that any more will you?’ It hurt him very much the tactless bitch.

Tana433 · 08/12/2020 18:37

We went to visit my nan in her assisted living flat one evening and she was telling us about the new home help/carer that had looked after her that day. "Oooh, you should have seen her, she was a real big,fat piece! Even bigger than you Tana!" Thanks nan, love you too!

pepsicolagirl · 08/12/2020 18:38

@Ohalrightthen

Shouted "i want to lick your cunt" out of the window of a van at me. I was 11, and in school uniform. I didn't really know what he meant but the tone was clear and i will remember for the rest of my life how dirty it made me feel.

I'll also remember the boy who came out of the corner shop just as it happened, shouted at the man to fuck off, and threw one of his shoes at the van. He was probably about 14 and i think he knew exactly what the man meant.

That last part is fantastic. What a little hero! I hope he kept that up into adulthood
ikltownofboothlehem · 08/12/2020 18:39

A team building day where you are given a list of items and asked to prioritise them and why you'd put them in that order.

My boss smirked 'I'd use the gun first to shoot ikltownofboothlehem, cos then we wouldn't have to worry about food for days', then laughed her head off.

I tried not to let it show she'd upset me but from the atmosphere it was obvious. A colleague made a complaint about her but nothing was done as it was 'banter'. I got a transfer to another team shortly afterwards.

Misskittyfantastico85 · 08/12/2020 18:41

I was 21 and looking to buy my first house. I walked into an estate agent and asked to view a particular house. The estate agent looked me up and down and asked if I had a mortgage agreed and how much. I told her that yes I did and the amount. She then said 'well this property is alot more than that, I dont like timewasters, you do realise you'd need a significant deposit?'

It wasn't really what she said, it was how she said it. All the while looking down her nose.

shamalidacdak · 08/12/2020 18:42

@DillonPanthersTexas

When I was a student I worked as a part time estate agent and while on one viewing where the seller was actually in the house the man doing the viewing did an enormous 12 second fart that must have spanned about 3 octaves. His wife did not bat an eyelid and I was left with my jaw dropped wondering what I had just witnessed. Just before leaving he dropped his guts again before strolling down the path. I was mortified.
Omg pmsl 😂😂