Should I cancel my 40th birthday party 3 weeks before due date?

[Hardcoresoftie]

Hi there.
I'm finally unbelievably pregnant after forever and due 5 weeks after some final exams and 3 weeks after my big 4-0.
My question is should I continue organising the 40th party I had planned? I have no idea when baby will come, without being negative if all will be okay. I cant celebrate earlier than 3 weeks before as its exam time and wont get the dates until last minute ( mature degree student )
I cant do it early before exams because of covid regs being in place till March.
It feels to early to announce pregnancy (7 weeks) but I cant delay organising and inviting much longer.
Some background: similar to current trending thread DH has ruined many a birthday and we agreed rather than falling out over it, I would plan epic 40 and he would support it by being my uncomplaining lackey.
I realised low self worth made his dropping the ball on birthdays feel like I didnt matter. In other respects he is a rock, a delight and a hero.
Our wedding was really small and budget as I didnt feel worthy of the attention and I regret not doing the white wedding. Did my own hair and makeup and didnt have a hen party etc.
So I have been planning 40th in my head for over 5 years as part of saying I'm worth it.
I found my wedding day amazing in terms of the love and connection. I used to be a prof' dancer and husband and I danced into a sweaty heap. One best moments of my life and haven't had chance to be free like that in a 9 years since. but I was overwhelmed by the planning and high emotions and pretty exhausted and ill after. The plan this time was to be more organised, have help, be brave with the budget and put some downtime in between demanding things. I did my driving test the week before wedding and moved house week after. Never again.
I had planned a summer. It was going to be an all day event with afternoon tea and family stuff for the those with kids who were driving leading into some serious partying and dancing firepits food trucks in the early hours for us (formerly) childless
I would love to see everyone. It's the last time I will be able to do that type of thing.

However will I just be sat there exhausted, fat and tearful? I cant really dress up anymore as it summer anything fancy is uncomfortable even when not pregnant. I wont be dancing much and of course not drinking. Is it just silly to pour money into something I might need to cancel if I'm early.
Should I just be grateful I'm finally close to being a mum and let that birthday dream die?

Im currently 37 weeks pregnant

I'll be honest, I'm tired. I could go to a party happily, but planning one would exhaust me.

My suggestion would be have your party, you deserve it, but delay it 6 months.

Or given the timeliness could you have a massive 10 year anniversary party instead?

It's the last time I will be able to do that type of thing

WHAT? Why?

There's no law against a party for your 41st-49th then your 50th will be here, quicker than you know it!!

I wouldn't be planning on spending £££ on a party early next year, pregnant or not (Covid). Well, assuming you're in the UK anyway

Heavily pregnant seems like a bad time trying to enjoy a big party. Afternoon Tea & you'll probably be wanting your bed.

Just have the party later?

My first baby arrived dramatically at 37 weeks so it’s a no from me.

Have the party, but for your 41st. I think parties this summer will still be curtailed due to Covid.

Goodness that all sounds very intense.

When I had my first dc (aged 34) I went on maternity leave about 6 weeks before my due date. I spent most of that time lying on the sofa, snoozing and watching tv/reading. No way would I have wanted to organise or just attend a big party.

I can't really get my head round the fact that this is bothering you so much to be honest. Focus on your pregnancy (congratulations by the way) and have a big party for your 41st?

I had major surgery around my 40th, and celebrated my 40th year some ten months later, it was amazing and fun and all I hoped it would be.

It is a no from me, you will be exhausted, huge and unable to drink.

What is the point?

Liking the 10 year anniversary idea as a date to tie it to makes it easier for people to get behind.

I watch amazing Mum friends manage life with kids and I'm not sure I will be as high functioning.
So true plenty of people have big parties all through parenthood..I've attended them! Knowing myself though, I have a few disabilities and a few mental health breakdowns taught me I'm not someone who can do it all. I'm most sane if pressure is low and/or support is high. I'm thinking parenting is going to be full on and there isnt much support. I miss having fun though and I know being serious and safe all the time isnt good for anyone.

You shouldn't announce your pregnancy yet and hold off on your birthday planning. Just relax and enjoy being pregnant,- congratulations!

Firstly, great news on the pregnancy! Secondly, now isn’t the time to make big decisions - 7 weeks is early and hormones are crazy.

If it were me, I just wouldn’t mention the party until after 12 week scan, and then I’d book it in for summer 2022. It can still be your 40th birthday celebration if you are 41, it will give all your friends and family a chance to meet the baby AND celebrate you. if the baby is a year old you may just about have finished breastfeeding (or not, no feeding choice judgement at all here) so it will be easier to have others look after the baby at the party, or for a baby sitter to take him / her home in the evening if they aren’t a buggy sleeper.

There is no way of knowing what the Covid situation will be like next spring / summer and I’d find that stress challenging!

It was my husband's 40th this year and I was due to take him away for his birthday to somewhere he has always wanted to go, then covid 🙄. We sat down and discussed it and decided we will go next year 🤞 and do a 40+1 birthday.
The bonus is if you put it off for a year the baby will be about 1 and you may (please note the may) be happy to let her/him stay the night with a relative and really let loose.

@unchienandalusia

Just have the party later?

It seems like quite a few years before parents have your hands free to plan a big party- after kids are two or three years old? Due to budget I was planning on making alot by hand/myself which us possible now but not with little ones. I feel like people make an effort for 40ths..less so for a random 43rd? Is that just me.

You realise it will be a lot of effort and money and you may or may not enjoy it. It’s a birthday. Most people enjoy a party but aren’t that bothered about other peoples birthdays tbh. Put it on hold, you may find pregnancy and having a baby changes your priorities.

At 37 weeks I was in hospital with a not-very-well 2 day old baby and a fresh CS scar.

Bear in mind the possibility that you could well have had your baby. 37 weeks is not “early” - full term is considered to be 37-41 weeks.

I’m another one not convinced that large social gatherings with be allowed by next summer.

I’m planning to have a “50 with experience” party when we can. I was 50 a month ago.

@Medievalist

Goodness that all sounds very intense.

When I had my first dc (aged 34) I went on maternity leave about 6 weeks before my due date. I spent most of that time lying on the sofa, snoozing and watching tv/reading. No way would I have wanted to organise or just attend a big party.

I can't really get my head round the fact that this is bothering you so much to be honest. Focus on your pregnancy (congratulations by the way) and have a big party for your 41st?

Good point about why it's a big deal. On reflection 2 reasons I missed alot of life milestones due to bad or sad news. 40th has been the next milestone so I put more weight on it Weird but how I feel: the 5 year wait to be pregnant was quite lonely as friends stopped visiting as they had children and drifted apart. This party was a way to ask people to come to me for once as I travel all over country to check in with friends and they never come here. The party was also a way to celebrate life and focus on positive things - being creative making things, dancing, creating positive memories. My irrational fear is that I will miscarry as it's my first and I'm older and my 40th birthday will be alone again because I cancelled it and ill still be childless. I'm sure this sounds a bit but only just realised it's how I felt. Still processing the shock of conceiving for first time maybe.

"I went to a marvellous party" as the song goes. Marquee, swing band, sit down meal, the works. It was one of DH's cricketing mates so although I knew the hosts, we weren't on birthday terms as it were.

I asked the (Geordie) hostess what the occasion was as the invitation hadn't specified. Was it a big birthday? "Nah pet, we just fancied a bit of a piss up".

Have your birthday party for 41

There is no way I could have had a big party during pregnancy or for about 3 months after birth. When my son was 2 weeks old, I went to a hen party and yawned all evening, as I was so tired with nighttime feeding, The wedding a week later was good fun and I felt really good and danced a lot, baby slept all through the evening disco, but unfortunately my body hadn’t healed yet and put back my recovery from the birth a couple of weeks due to dancing too much.

I really felt good when baby was around 6 months old and in a routine and sleeping well. This is when I had my energy levels restored.

I think you need to calm down , in the nicest possible way.
Why dont you concentrate on your pregnancy and your exams , you sound like you have a lot on your plate.

Maybe nearer the time see how you are getting on and maybe just book a large table in a restaurant to mark your birthday .
You really are making a lot of stress and work for yourself.
Congratulations on your pregnancy

If you’re in the UK, it’s unlikely anyone will be having parties just yet. It’s not like you’ll be cancelling it, you just won’t be booking it.

My friend has postponed their wedding in March (again) as it’s looking so unlikely to happen.

This all sounds very high stakes!

Pinning the reclamation of your self esteem on a major blow out birthday bash...

You ARE worth it, whether you have a cheerful ‘bring a picnic’ gathering in a park or a multi-entertainment weekend in a country house hotel for 100.

You need to focus on your exams: success is a huge demonstration of your worth!

You could be done-in after months of studying.

I do think you should plan a significant celebration of your 40th. But be realistic and plan something flexible and that you will be able to enjoy as a non-drinking, restricted dancing, indigestion/experiencing successful MA student and expectant Mum.

And don’t pin everything on it, like reparation for years of lack of celebration-attention from your DH to your self esteem.

Covid will still be a factor in the summer though surely? I saw on the news that they think we'll still be in vaccination schedules into the spring and summer and as a pregnant woman you won't be able to have it because it's not licensed.

Having recently been heavily pregnant I'd take every opportunity to sit down tbh. The last few weeks can be exhausting and you've got no idea of your party would fall on a good day or a "I just need lie down" day.

You still have plenty of time to make the decision about a 40th. Definitely don't announce the pregnancy at 7 weeks because of a party you are planning at 37 weeks! I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant and can honestly say that having a massive party right now would be the worst thing in the world. I am exhausted, uncomfortable and to top it off we are still in the crazy pandemic world where there is absolutely no way I'd want to expose myself (and risk having covid during labour, so going through it alone without DH) by having a massive party.

Give yourself some time to process this pregnancy, wait until at least 12 weeks and your scan before deciding anything.

I think Covid will still be around & there will be restrictions still, you may find people unwilling to travel or plan that far ahead for a birthday party which will hit your self esteem even more. I’d not be willing to book plan anything for a friends party this far in advance at the moment no matter who they were. You are building this up far too much in your head.

This is very helpful, thankyou for a snapshot of what 37 weeks could feel like. Best wishes to you.

I was perky, active, still at work and going out, at 37 weeks.

Having found you are pregnant is heady stuff, OP, so exciting, but also hormonal and you can suddenly find that all sorts of new feelings emerge.

Leave your party decision and invites until after your 12 week scan.